Small Mercies

“Okay, Miss, just start at the beginning.”

“Well, I was home in bed, Officer—”

“Paul Scott. And my partner here is Officer Stan Murphy. What time was this?”

“Thanks, Officer Paul. Eightish? Had a busy day on set. So, I was tired and kinda sore—”


“Yeah. My porn name is Pussy Takes-a-lot.”

“I see.”

“Yeah, so I’d fucked about twenty guys for a gang-bang called ‘Pussy Takes A Village.’”


“Took a Motrin and passed out. Next thing I know, there’s this bright glow in the room. And my bed’s shakin’ like crazy!”

“Then what?”

“I started floatin’ up in the air. Out through the window on this, like, beam of light. I see this spacecraft, all shiny, metal-like. A door opened and I was sucked right in. I landed on this, like, operatin’ table.”

“Go on.”

“I look ‘round and there’s aliens surroundin’ me, all scaly, kinda like lizards, with these creepy, cold eyes. One of ‘em starts talkin’, even though he doesn’t have a mouth, and he says I’m gonna have the first human/alien baby!”

“What then?”

“He drops his robe and then… Well, I just started laughin’!”


“Yeah, he had this teeny tiny penis. No bigger ’n a pencil! Short one, too. So I told him, “Buddy, I ain’t even gonna feel that thing, after the massive cocks I had inside me today. Go ahead and do your worst!”


“Yeah, the rest of the aliens started gigglin’, too. The first guy was real mad, like totally, righteously pissed. He said somethin’ in some weird language and, next thing I know, I’m lyin’ naked in Times Square. That’s when you guys showed up and arrested me!”

“That’s your story?”

“Yeah, and I’m stickin’ to it. I swear, it’s the truth!”

“Give us a moment, Miss—”

“You can call me Trixie.”

“Trixie. We’ll be back.”

The door closes behind the officers.

 “Well, whaddya think, Stan?”

“I believe her.”

“You do? For God’s sake, why? That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“You must have a normal-sized schlong.”

“What? Of course, I do! What’re you talking about?”

“No guy, alien or not, wants to be shamed about his micro penis.”

“Jeez, sensitive much?”

“Don’t start on me—”

“Do I need to ask you to drop your boxers?”

“Jesus, let it go. And let’s let Trixie go. I got a hankering to watch some porn. What’d she say her screen name was again?”

© 2016 Mairead Devereux. All rights reserved. Content may not be copied or used in whole or part without written permission from the author.

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