I’m Only Shaving!

“Richard!”

“Yes, dear?”

“Richard, this is disgusting! I get out of the shower and look what I find! Just what do you think you’re doing?”

“I’m shaving. Can’t you see?”

“This is terrible, Richard. You’re… Well, you know what you’re doing.”

“Right. I said already. I’m shaving.”

“Like that?”

“Like what? Do you mean naked?”

“Richard. I mean like that!”

“Carla, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Are you trying to tell me you don’t know you’re standing there with your pecker and balls draped over the edge of the sink? Richard, they’re hanging down inside the sink!”

“What am I supposed to do with them?”

“Stand back a little, Richard. That’s… Well, it’s unsanitary. Stand back, with your stuff outside the sink.”

“That would hurt when I lean forward, Carla. Besides, see how lucky you are? A lot of guys are so puny they couldn’t even do this. And you’re lucky because I don’t drip water on the floor. Let’s face it, babe, I’m just a new age, sensitive kind of guy.”

“This is disgusting, Richard. I wash my hands and face in that sink. I brush my teeth in that sink!”

“Hey, so do I, hon, and it’s not like your hands and face haven’t been close to this bad boy before.”

“But Richard, our guests wash their hands in that sink!”

“So don’t tell them. Come on, don’t make such a big deal of it.”

“Richard.”

“Yes dear?”

“You’re getting bigger.”

“Harder, actually.”

“Shaving makes you that way?”

“Carla, you’re standing there naked. I can see you in the mirror. What did you expect?”

“Just looking at me naked makes you that way?”

“Absolutely.”

“So if I stand here while you shave, you’ll get hard every time?”

“If you’re naked. You bet!”

“Hmm. Very interesting. And if I stand closer, like right here, with my breasts just barely touching you, you’ll get even harder?”

“Oh babe…”

“And then if I reach around you and just grab this big fella…”

“Oh… Don’t stop.”

“Well, I don’t know, Richard. I mean after all, you’ve been putting this thing places where it shouldn’t be for years. Don’t you agree?”

“Absolutely! Oh yes, absolutely Carla! Oh please, don’t stop!”

“And a girl should always be sure about where her guy is putting his little thingie, don’t you think?”

“Please, babe. Oh please…”

“Don’t you think?”

“Absolutely! I’ve been such a fool!”

“Don’t play games with me Richard. You sound insincere. And here I thought you were a new age, sensitive kind of guy.”

“I’m serious babe. Please?”

“Well maybe I could rub just a little bit more…”

“Ogod, babe…”

“But wait!”

“Oh man, why did you stop?”

“Well, Richard, don’t you think you should promise me you won’t put it where it doesn’t belong? I mean, I don’t think our wedding vows covered situations like this.”

“I promise babe, I promise! Now please?”

“A girl can’t be too careful, Richard. After all, it could have soap scum on it, the way you’ve been dangling it in the sink. I think if I suspected you were still putting it where it didn’t belong I would have give serious consideration to the kinds of activities we do together. It’s a wonder I haven’t gotten an infection before now, don’t you think?”

“I promise! Promise! Please, please, please! Just a little bit more! I’ll never put it in the sink again! Rub me some more, please?”

“Well don’t you think that would be a little messy, Richard?”

“Messy?”

“You could probably hit the mirror from here, couldn’t you?”

“Just let me show you. Rub some more!”

“But that would be untidy, Richard. I don’t think we should continue.”

“Aw babe!”

“And besides, Richard, I do have this tidy little receptacle of my own for that sort of thing.”

“Lemme at it!”

“Well I don’t know, Richard. I mean, you’ve been dangling yourself down in the sink and all…”

“I’m clean! I’m clean, babe! I was only shaving! It didn’t even touch the water!”

“But how do I know that, Richard? I mean, it feels a little slippery to me, right here on the end. How do I know that isn’t soap scum?”

“Um, you could taste it?”

“Richard! I don’t put things in my mouth when I don’t know where they’ve been!”

“Aw babe…”

“I think we may have reached a turning point in our marriage, Richard. I mean, who knows where this thing has been. Here, just feel how slippery it is on the end. Are you sure that’s normal? I think that’s soap scum. Yes, I’m sure of it.”

“Babe, ogod… It’s not! I promise!”

“Well how are we to resolve this Richard? I only have your word for the fact that it’s not soap scum, and you’ve already proven you can’t be truthful. You’ve been hiding this vile little habit of yours from me for years! Just feel this! Look how easily my thumb slides over the tip.”

“Huh huh huh…”

“Richard, stop panting like that. We’re trying to have an adult conversation here.”

“Oh please babe!”

“And stop that ghastly shrieking. What the dickens is wrong with you?”

“Pleasepleaseplease!”

“Sobbing? Now you’re sobbing? What’s getting into you Richard? Get up off your knees. No, no, don’t put your tongue in — Stop that Richard! No, no, wait! Do it some more!”

“Well now, babe. I’m not so sure…”

“What? Richard, keep doing what you were doing!”

“I think I tasted soap, babe. Soap. What’s going on here?”

“I was just in the shower, Richard. Get your tongue back where it was.”

“But soap? Bleakh! Ptooie! I’m not sure I’ll be able to do this any more. I could run into soap almost any time. Think how that would be!”

“Richard.”

“Yes dear?”

“You win. Fuck me. Right here on the floor. Hurry.”

“Well, if you insist.”


“I’m Only Shaving!” © 2000 by Sidney Durham. All rights reserved.

Sidney Durham is the author Butterflies on a Mirror (winner of the Frankfort eBook 2000 entry), and Loveseat Stories, both available at Renaissance E Books. Sidney’s eBooks are top-notch quality erotica – titillating and wonderfully unique. The Erotica Readers Association highly recommends Mr. Durham’s books. Be sure to get your copies, an incredible bargain at $4 a copy.

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