“I feel so silly and stupid.”
Archie cast a sympathetic glance at his wife, Tami, as she hunched down in the passenger seat as if trying to disappear inside her off-white wooly costume.
“Aw, honey, they’re going to love you. You look adorable.”
“Archie, we should never have joined this club. The people are just so snobby and mean.”
“Aw, hon, that’s because we’re newbies. I don’t care what organization you join, it takes a while to be accepted.”
“Well I think some of these people are just downright mean. Has anyone even bothered to talk to us? And if I even go to say ‘hi’ people turn their backs and walk away like I’m not even there.”
“Honey, it took me months to cajole Jack into giving us an intro. It’s just what we were looking for, isn’t it? I mean, we agreed we wanted to push our boundaries … you know, with our sexual experiences and stuff.”
“I know, Archie, but … I just feel so out of place with these people.”
“Well, that’s all going to change tonight. This amateur theatrics night is just the thing I was hoping for to break the ice. You’ll see; they’ll love our skit. I bet every guy in the place will be enchanted with you.”
Then Archie winked. “Jeesh, I probably won’t see you again until morning.”
“Honey, I’ll do my best … you know that.”
“Well, sure I do, Tami.”
“I just wish … I wish we could just turn around now and go home.”
“Okay, look, let’s just give it our best shot, and after, if you’re still unhappy, we’ll forget the whole thing.”
Tami pouted as she reached beneath the wool to scratch her knee. “This thing is itchy,” she said.
“Okay?” Archie implored.
“Yeah, okay. I’ll do it for you.”
“That’s my girl.”
Archie swung his Mazda behind a Lexus in the crescent drive of the mansion, a private home of a member who hosted all the club’s activities. He helped Tami out of the car and proceeded along the line of vehicles, a chorus line of Jags, Lincolns, and a pair of Bentleys.
Entering the foyer they were met by the greeter in formal attire.
Tami recoiled at the once-over he gave her and Archie. She thought he looked like someone held shit under his nose the way his face pinched up.
“I am not aware of any costume events on the program tonight,” he said.
“Free style theatricals,” Arch said, nodding. “The bride and I are scheduled to present a skit.”
“Hmm, very well. They have already started. In the ball room.”
Arch and Tami hurried past other guests, who were dressed in cocktail party attire. Tami cringed at the muffled remarks and tittering as they passed.
The ball room, so called, was just a large hall with a dais set up. Arch and Tami stood at the back of the room a moment to watch the current skit.
A woman was chained to a stake, her arms held above her head forcing her to thrust out her chest, her breasts revealed through cutouts in some sort of leather corset.
“Come,” said a man standing to her side with a crop in his hand. “Please, feel free to inspect the slave before bidding.”
Three men from the audience climbed onto the stage. Two separated her legs while one of them probed her cunt with his fingers. Another stood behind her and reached beneath her. Archie assumed he was penetrating her ass.
The one who had inspected her cunt stood and spread her lips apart, checking her teeth as one would a horse.
Archie nodded at Tami. “See, same old stuff, no imagination. I’ll bet it’s one slave auction scene after another. I tell ya, honey, we’re going to blow them away. Now, you remember your lines, right?”
“I only have one line,” Tami said, and exhaled a long sigh.
“Well, it’s in the way you say it. Remember how we rehearsed?”
“Yeah, okay. Can we get this over with?”
“Sure, baby. I know you’re going to have fun once we’re on that stage. Relax and have a good time.”
Tami rolled her eyes and followed Archie to the event manager.
“Hi, Arch and Tami Kenneally.”
The man was short and bald, and hunched like a troll in a tuxedo.
“And … what … are you supposed to be?”
“I thought it was obvious. I’m a shepherd, and she’s my sheep.”
Tami couldn’t believe the man had stretched that two-syllable word out as long as he did.
“Well,” he said finally, “The couple that was going on next has had to attend to a wardrobe malfunction. “You may go on in their place … if you really wish.”
“Well, of course we do.”
Arch and Tami were shown to the back of the dais and waited to be introduced.
“It’s going to be great, Tami; now you go out first and get in position and I’ll come right out after.”
“Archie … I’m scared.”
“Aw, that’s just stage nerves, sweetie. You’ll be great. God, you’re so adorable.”
They heard the announcer: “And now, the Kenneallys, presenting ‘A bucolic scene.'”
Archie gave Tami a gentle push and she stepped onto the stage and immediately got down on all fours.
“Where is my lost sheep that I have searched for so long? That naughty little lamb is in big, big trouble.”
A tittering and a low collective groan emanated from the audience.
“Aha! There she is. Bad little lamb. Now you’ll feel your shepherd’s crook, my wooly wanderer.”
Archie knelt behind Tami. “What have you been, naughty lamb?”
Tami took a deep breath and bleated, “Baaaaad!”
Someone in the first two rows gasped, “Oh, my God!”
“Lift that wooly little tail, lamb!”
Tami raised her haunches. Archie lifted his shepherd’s robes to free his cock. The thought of doing his wife in front of all these people made it as rigid as steel. Tami wore no underwear to shield her pink, winking pussy. It glimmered with moisture.
Archie plunged in, and urgently whispered. “Tami, your lines!”
“Oh … baaaaaah … baaaaah … baaaaah!”
“Oh, my little mutton slut. You better never run away from me again.”
“Baaaaaah … baaaaah!”
Archie swiveled his hips, grinding into Tami’s cunt as her carpet of wool flapped about her knees.
“Bad little lamb; nasty little lamb!”
“Baaaaaah … um … oh, Jesus!”
Archie heaved his loins against his bride as his head snapped back. His fluids rocketed into her cunt. She fell forward, splayed flat against the floor. Archie stood, tottered, then steadied himself.
“Back to the flock for you, and a good shearing.”
There was a profound silence.
Archie helped Tami stand and they looked out at the rows of people, many of whom sat with their mouths agape.
“Um,” Archie said. “Sure hope you enjoyed our little … uh … presentation.”
A hissing sound beckoned them. It was the event manager urgently gesturing for them to leave the stage.
There was no applause, but then the room filled with a clicking noise, as if overtaken by rabid crickets.
The stage manager held them in his intense gaze.
“That was perhaps the most tasteless exhibition ever witnessed here,” he said.
“Huh?” Arch responded. “But … wait a second. I thought everyone here was supposed to be sophisticated, avant-garde. It’s okay to watch a bunch of guys poke their fingers up a broad’s snatch and asshole, but not a shepherd do his sheep?”
“Bestiality … It’s the waste pile of wannabes.”
“Well, sorry if we offended anyone; it isn’t like I screwed a real sheep. This is my wife, and just in case you didn’t notice, she’s a girl. All right?”
“That secret will remain safe with me, I assure you, Mr. Kenneally. Now, your provisional membership expires this evening. I wouldn’t bother to reapply.”
Tami began to cry.
“Well, that’s fine with us,” Archie said. He took Tami by her wooly arm and led her past the snickering crowd and straight out the door.
Once Tami was safe inside the car the dam burst. She wailed beside Archie, her tears flowing in torrents.
“Aw, honey, don’t cry. Not over those stuck-up phonies. You were adorable; and gosh, you were so hot with your wooly white behind wiggling and bouncing.”
“I feel so humiliated.”
“Aw, don’t, baby. Fuck them. They just couldn’t handle a couple with real imaginations. Shit, I bet all they do is whip each other all night. That shit gets old real quick.”
“I hate them.”
“They’re not worth it, baby. Hey, we’ll find some nice people to play with … You’ll see.”
The flashing blue lights snapped Archie’s gaze to his rearview mirror.
“Aw, geeze, and if this don’t put the icing on the cake.”
Archie pulled over as Tami tried to make herself appear small again.
The trooper was tall and had to bend severely to peer into the car.
“Oh, okay,” the trooper said.
“What’s the trouble, officer?” Archie asked. “I didn’t think I was speeding.”
“Sir, I stopped you because I thought you had a live sheep in your car. That would have been a hazard, but I can see now that what you have is … well, I shouldn’t say this, but that’s some cute lamb chop you got there.”
“Uh, that’s my wife.”
“Uh-huh. Costume party?”
“Um, not exactly.”
“I see. Well, I think I know where you’re coming from. I’ll bet you left them with quite an impression.”
Archie looked at Tami, then they both looked at the trooper.
“You … say you know where we’re coming from?”
“Yeah, done that. Bunch of stiffs, if you ask me.”
“Um, that’s just what we were thinking.”
“See here, folks,” the trooper said and reached into his pocket. He handed Archie a card.
“Don’t worry; it isn’t a ticket. I shouldn’t be doing this, but you look like a nice couple. That’s the address for Kate’s Bar and Grille. Ever been there?”
“Been by it, but never went in.”
“Nice friendly place, regular folks. Nice folks, you know … who like to play with … you know, other nice folks. Drop by some night … Fridays are best. I think you’ll like it. Tell them Ted sent you.”
“Well, thank you, officer.”
“Have a safe evening, folks. And I gotta say again, ma’am, you are just … well … a very embraceable ewe. Sir, I’m envious. Have a nice night, now.”
Tami and Arch sat and watched the cruiser drive off into the night.
“I think he liked you, honey.”
© 2013 Robert Buckley. All rights reserved. Content may not be copied or used in whole or part without written permission from the author.