“Anybody who thinks an open marriage is simple has another think coming.”

“What’s wrong? What happened?”

“It’s just that something always seems to raise its head. Complicated things.”

“I thought you and Sarah had that all worked out.”

“That’s why I came to you—since you and Marge have managed for so long.”

“I didn’t think you guys messed around that much.”

“We don’t. Only two other couples besides you. We just never figured on this.”

“Don’t let it get emotional. Wear a condom, even with your vasectomy. Marge and I just fuck ’em and leave. Don’t go shopping with them, don’t meet their children. Maybe a dinner or movie every now and then, but make sure you fuck afterwards. Ideally, in front of each other.”

“So that’s your secret? Don’t get involved?”

“Just keep it simple: For instance, if you do go out to dinner, encourage the other guy to feel Sarah up under the table. You keep an eye on them, and make sure you fuck around with the guy’s wife while he watches. Keep it about the sex.”

“It’s not like that.”

“So who fell in love with who?”

“Nobody. But now Sarah’s having a baby.”

© 2014 Daddy X. All rights reserved. Content may not be copied or used in whole or part without written permission from the author.

Bio: Daddy X always wanted to be a dirty old man. He’s survived the 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, and George W. Bush. He maintained good humor throughout Catholic school, a paper route, muskrat trapping, a steel mill, Bucks County, Haight Ashbury, North Beach, Castro Street, the Mendocino Coast, the SF bar business, drug addiction, alcoholism, a stroke, Hep C, cancer, a liver transplant, a year of interferon, a stickup at his ancient art gallery while tied to a desk (not as cool as it sounds), a triple bypass, and George W. Bush. Now he’s old, and it’s time to get dirty. He’s been with Momma X (greatest editor on earth) for fifty years, but she thinks his stuff is too skievy to deal with. They live in northern California with an epileptic 90 lb lop-eared hound (17″ wingspan) and two cats. They raise little green girls to medicinal maturity each and every year.

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