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Faking It: Why the deception?

Faking orgasmWhy do women fake orgasms? I can think of two reasons: 1. Because she’s ready to get the sex over with. 2. Because she wants to make her partner feel good about himself. I wonder if these reasons justify faking it, and wonder about the myth that all women do it. So, am I missing something, or what?Do you, or have you, faked orgasms, and why? — Sandi


  1. Comment Import

    From Cat
    I don’t believe in faking it.This doesn’t mean I haven’t. With a new partner I will. Sometimes it’s not clicking and why start out that way. Usually it’s because it’s not working for me. If it continues I stop seeing that person. I don’t mean to sound selfish but I couldn’t go on that way. With new relationships the man does not deal well with that. In a long term relationship we have discussed what we need and want. There is a gentle way to say it didn’t happen. I will and can take the same criticism. When a sexual relationship is not good the rest of it can go down hill quickly. All you need to do is talk.

  2. Comment Import

    From Camber
    I would be lying if I said I haven’t faked it. My husband is an incredible lover and tries so hard, so I just don’t want to make him feel bad. He usually always gets me there with oral, but never from penetration, so for that I will occasionally fake it.

  3. Comment Import

    From Rose
    Well, if I were going to fake one, which I never have, it would be reason No. 2 (Because the woman wants to make her partner feel good about himself). I always told the guy, including my husband when I met him, “I never come, so don’t bother trying and don’t worry about it. As long as you come, I’m happy.” They seemed okay with that. And I wasn’t lying, either. I love when my partner comes and I get a huge amount of satisfaction just from hearing those wonderful sounds of pleasure; it is truly music to my ears, which I probably wouldn’t enjoy nearly as much if I were busy screaming overtop of it.

    In my experience, deception cannot coexist for any length of time with love and trust. I never even bothered trying to fake an orgasm. After a date that ended in sex and I’d satisfy my partner, later when I was home alone in my own bed, I’d masturbate to relieve the tension. When I got married, my husband was perfectly okay with me masturbating in bed beside him, so it was never an issue.

    I’ve moved on to vibrators and quite enjoy myself with them. Having them used on me is also a treat. The Hitachi wand is truly a magical instrument. I remember the first time I used it, I was in my bedroom and had this amazing orgasm and made these noises unlike anything I’d ever made before in both volume and duration. My husband came in after they died down and said, “Did you say something?” I laughed so hard I almost fell off the bed.

  4. Comment Import

    From Claire
    I once faked it during phone sex. Sadly though, the phone sex was incredible and I would have given anything to have been able to give myself the extra little push over the edge, but my environmental circumstances weren’t permitting. It was a friend of mine who has since become my ‘phone buddy.’ he’s absolutely astounding with words and I felt bad for having faked it with him considering it was his first time having phone sex.

    But afterwards I looked on the bright side — I was popping his phone cherry…so it’s good that he got off. I haven’t faked it with him since though. And I don’t have the heart to tell him I faked it the first time. I joked that I had once and he said “yeah right, your not that good an actress.” oh well!

  5. Comment Import

    From Anonymous
    I have been with quite a few guys (not saying that with pride, but just to explain my story) but have almost never gotten off by any of them. I seem to only be able to give myself earth shaking orgasms. I blame my dilemma partly on the fact that I think it is hard for me to fully relax my mind and body with a guy I am not completely emotionally connected with (performance anxiety?) but also on the fact that I feel too pressured and rushed (almost as though I don’t want to make him eat me for too long or I’ll start to feel bad). So I end up faking it. Sometimes I end up faking it by mistake! It just has become habit. And I don’t want to – I know it cheats me out of what I know could be an absolutely amazing experience.

  6. Comment Import

    From Anonymous
    I have orgasms if I do it, but I’ve almost never had one with a man, oral or otherwise. I feel pressured to hurry up and have one and then I don’t have one at all. No matter how emotionally close I am to my partner it doesn’t happen. So I fake it a lot and I hate it. What can I do?

  7. Comment Import

    From Cateyes
    I used to fake orgasms but not anymore. I think that I did it because I felt embarrassed for not being able to have one and thought that there was something wrong with me. Now that I am older (40), I know that I need clitoral stimulation to have one, (which I usually provide by hand myself). I now also have G spot orgasms, those started almost 2 yrs ago when I was pregnant.


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