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The Daily Grind

Enduring Ménage: Could it work?

PolyamorIs permanent Ménage possible in real life? It’s such an intriguing concept and I think I’ve come to a place in my life where I could enjoy being a “sister-wife” to the right man.I feel rather feral and unsuited to traditional marriage. So what do you folks think—can a ménage thrive, or is it doomed to failure? Do you know of any, or are you in a long term Ménage relationships? What combination of sexes works best, or does it matter at all? Are these relationships limited to three people, or are relationships with even more partners viable?Any personal experiences? —Anne W.


  1. Comment Import

    From Emma
    Non-monogamous relationships allow to couples to rent rather than own each other. In practice, this means that the men are free to avoid commitment and responsibility. Dress it up any way you like, it suits men fine and disadvantages women.

  2. Comment Import

    From M.T. Mtnd
    It is easy to love many people but a treasure to find one to live with. I’m sure there will always be the exception and a menage relationships will work, but that is rare.

  3. Comment Import

    From Anonymous
    How about a MFM long term relationship where everyone is hetero? Think that can’t work? We’ve been going on 5 years now, and my boys have only gotten more proficient in how to work as a mind-blowing team. I think relationships are as complex as the people involved. Of course, we have no children and are totally in the proverbial closet, but let me tell you, we have a real good time in there.

    How does it work? We three are terrible communicators. I mean awful, like, ‘oh, did I forget to mention my mother’s staying with us this week’ kind of awful. Love just trumps all of that. Our friendship, which came first, is the priority.

  4. Comment Import

    From Bob
    I might give it a try, if I could be the one to stay home.

  5. Comment Import

    From Lively Lad
    One of the early contributors put her finger on it when she mentioned the dirty socks left lying around the establishment (and more.) [See Angela’s entry below] Most of us have already been there haven’t we? The shared flat at Uni., the ‘awful’ brother/sister who just won’t clean the bath after using it, who drank the last of the milk without replenishing it? etc etc. Now add the ‘sex factor’ and watch the firework display!

    Personally I can’t think of anything worse than a permanent live-in polyamouramic(?) situation – whatever the mixture/combination of the sexes, and I’d guess the ‘amour’ part of the equation will vanish very quickly when domestic squabbles begin (as they will, when jealousy, bitchiness, physical attractiveness of one member etc. will add ‘fuel to the flames’.

    A casual sharing with open-minded/kindred spirits yes, but sexual happy families – no thanks.

  6. Comment Import

    From Angela
    Permanent ménages are possible, but I think it takes very unique personalities to participate in long lasting three-way relationships. Let’s be honest, it takes a lot just to make a two-party relationship work. Add one more personality, ego, set of emotional hang-ups, and another collection of dirty socks on the floor, and one can only imagine the communication and inter-personal exchanges necessary to sustain such a complex relationship.

    But they are possible. Look at Wonder Woman creator William Moulton Marston, his wife Elizabeth and his partner Olive Byrne. They all lived together until William’s death, then Elizabeth and Olive continued to live together until Olive’s death in the ’80s.

  7. Comment Import

    From Cat
    Anything is possible if the people involved want that it could work. But that’s the word ‘Work’. Like any relationship, well I’m sure you know about that. I had that for 5 yrs. It was the best experience ever. It began with her and went to him along with their children. Now don’t flip out! I become ‘auntie’ He was very respectful in letting us have time alone. When he joined we all wanted that. I loved them all and I believe we improved each others lives. But all the good things seem to end. His job sent him to a different state and I couldn’t go due to my own commitments. When people move away it’s hard to stay in touch. We both came and visited a few times and it became less and less. I have wonderful memories and was happy to have had them in my life.

  8. Comment Import

    From Sid
    For 5 years I was in what I thought an enduring ménage, but it fell apart. It started out as 2 couples with similar interest, we had lots of fun together. One thing lead to another, and we were swamping, then buying a house and moving in toether, a pledge to each other to love and honor. Like a traditional marriage, times 2.

    The other man in the ménage started to sleep with his secretary, upsetting the honor part of the ménage. It is amazing how we felt betrayed, cheated upon, just like a tradition marriage. And so it quickly fell apart in quarrels, disillusions, and hurt feeling.

    On the upside, I married one of the ladies (not my original partner) we have 2 children and are living happily everafter – hopefully.

    So no, I don’t think an enduring ménage is possible – too many variables, too many things can go astray.

  9. Comment Import

    From A man
    A close friend of mine (a guy) married a very beautiful bisexual lady in her early twenties. He knew all about her being bi and is perfectly fine with it. A few months after they married, she asked if he would allow her girlfriend to live with them, and he agreed. Soon they all were sleeping together. These women adore him and have never paid the least bit of attention to any other men, including me.

    They love and make love to each other regularly. The second wife has married the other two in a private ceremony. The guy must be the luckiest man in the world! As far as children, none of them has any children yet. They live in a large city and no one seems to notice. I have never seen anything like this. They all seem to be very happy and do not have jealousy problems.

  10. Comment Import

    From Rebecca
    For me polyamory/polyfidelity has always been my best case scenario. I thought for a moment I may have something with a threesome—me and another women and a man. The relationship felt great while it latest, the sex was phenomenal and we had a lot of fun, but when I broached the idea of it lasting, they freaked. The idea of going outside “normal” beyond the sex/dating was frightening for them. They both held on to the couple-and-kids vision of a lasting relationship as the only acceptable choice (even though they were not a couple themselves.) They just couldn’t deal with the fall out of choosing such a non-traditional lifestyle.

    From Velma
    I have been in polyamorous relationships for almost thirty years now, Sharing an intimate household with two or more other adults is amazing when it works (one person can stay home and manage the household, while the others work, and finances usually work out well), with moments of utter weirdness (sleeping in the middle of the bed between two blanket-and-pillow thieves, both of whom snore) and scheduling (“Sophie’s in town tomorrow, and I want to spend the night with her.” “But Thursday is your night to cook and do laundry!” “I’ll do laundry, and we can order in — will that work?” “If it’s Thai this time…”). And the sex can range from amazing to “There are too many damned elbows in this position!”


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