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Writing Exercises

 by Ashley Lister

On Saturday this week, I was lucky enough to attend the
first day of this year’s Eroticon, the conference for writers and bloggers who
work with erotica.  As always, it was a
wonderful experience. The erotica writing community is one of the most supportive
environments a writer could encounter. Each year, I find the event is akin to
meeting up with my dearest friends.

Whilst there I was delivering a session on plotting erotic
fiction but, before we began, I gave the writers in the room a brief warm-up
exercise.

Most of us are familiar with the apocryphal story of
Hemingway writing a six word short story. (For Sale. Baby Shoes. Never
Worn).  And it was the idea of a six word
short story that I offered to those attendees participating in my session. In
short, I asked them to produce the sexiest short story they could think of in
six words.

I offered some of my own examples to illustrate the point.  

*

Him hard. Her wet. Both satisfied.

*

Her: “Harder! Faster!”

Him: “Tighter! Wetter!”

*

A vampire? He’ll get lucky. Period.

*

As always, please post your six word stories in the comments
box below.  I look forward to reading
them.

Ash

 By Ashley Lister

I’ve mentioned triplets before.  The idea of putting three lines of poetry
together always excites me. Couplets are good for a rhyme scheme. They provide
a solid structure. But, to my mind, triplets increase the speed and seem to
allow a bigger build-up to the punchline of the poem.

Some lasses think that thongs are boss
But that opinion makes me cross
‘Cos a thong’s just fanny-dental-floss


And whilst some say the style is quaint
I would say it really ain’t
Cos a thong’s like cheese-wire on the taint


So what I’d say to every chick is
Treat yourself to some big knickers.

With this poem, I thought it might have a greater impact if
I mixed couplets with triplets. The title of the poem is ‘Big Knickers’ and the
focus is on the persona of the poem appreciating a fuller brief. Consequently,
to stress the importance of this sentiment, I thought the sedate couplet would
allow for the pace to slow down for the delivery of those two lines.

You see, when she’s ready to hit the sack
The kinkiest nymphomaniac
Does not want string across her crack


Thongs are cruel. Thongs can sting.
Thongs can be a dangerous thing.
They’re like barbed wire on the ring


Yes, whale-tails can raise most bloke’s smiles
But sit on this and think awhile
Thongs can aggravate your piles


To stop yourself from getting sick as
a cystitis parrot – wear big knickers

The poem goes on, but I’m going to cut it off there and say,
if you want to share a poem made up of a mixture of triplets and couplets, please
post them in the comments box below.

 by Ashley Lister

 Happy New Year everyone. I’m genuinely hoping that 2017 will
be a year when we can all find the happiness and love that seemed to be such a
scarce commodity during 2016. And, as this is my first post of the year, I
figured I’d start with a fairly accessible form of poetry: the list poem.

That Bedroom Drawer

Condoms, dildos and a long-eared bunny
Novelty nipple-tassels that look quite funny
A thumb drive of films from PornoTube
And lots and lots and lots of lube

Crops and paddles and pairs of canes
An electric device powered by the mains
Lacy corsets, a satin basque
A leather morphsuit (with gimp mask)
A mould for making rude ice cubes
And tubes of fruity flavoured lube

Various hairbrushes, that have never seen hair
Toys that we will use (down there)
Sexy toys for sexy play
Loads of sexy lingerie
Cuffs and cats and broad bullwhips
A gag to go between your lips
Sexy clamps that bite at boobs
And lots and lots more tubes of lube

The list poem is a simple form.  We’re not looking for a particular rhyme
scheme or meter.  All that we need is a
list of items that suggest a larger picture. Back in 1989, Billy Joel sang ‘We
Didn’t Start the Fire’ and used the list form to provide lyrics that gave a
chilling view of post-World War II history. Before that we have list poems in
sonnet form from the likes Elizabeth Barret Browning with Sonnet 43 ‘How do I
love thee, let me count the ways…’

It’s a fun way to approach without the confines and
restrictions of a rigid form and structure. And, as with all poetry, it can be lots
of fun.  As always, I look forward to
seeing your poems in the comments box below.

 by Ashley Lister 

 ‘Twas the night before
Christmas

And all through the
house

My partner was laughing

‘Cause I’m hung like a
mouse

She was wearing black
stockings

And wielding a birch

And I quietly suspected

We weren’t going to
church

As the holiday season approaches, I thought
it might be fun to try something festive. As there’s no traditional poetic form
associated with Christmas, I figured it would be appropriate to pick a
Christmas poem and use that form.

Obviously, the first poem that came to mind
was ‘The Night Before Christmas’ (‘A Visit from St Nicholas’ by Clement Clarke
Moore). However, because I have always perceived this form as four line verses,
with an x-a-x-a rhyme scheme and variant syllable count, I figured that wouldn’t
be a sufficient challenge for the regular readers of this blog[1].

A couple of other Christmassy ditties came
to mind but it was only when I was contemplating the lyrics, I realized they
were songs. Frosty the Snowman at
first, then Rudolph the Red Nosed
Reindeer
. I was about to dismiss this form as being traditional song lyrics
when I realized that the form was identical to my interpretation of ‘The Night
Before Christmas’: four line verses, with an x-a-x-a rhyme scheme and variant
syllable count.

She thrashed and she
caned me

But don’t pity my plight

I knew it wasn’t just Santa

Who’d be coming tonight

I’d
never before thought
She might like CBT
But now my balls are now hanging
From her Christmas tree

So, the challenge this month is to write
something festive in this traditional form.

As always, I look forward to seeing your
contributions in the comments box below. 
And, I hope you enjoy the festive season, however you celebrate the
holidays.


[1] The original poem is
written in rhyming couplets and I’ve been perceiving the caesura as the end of
the line.

 By Ashley
Lister

My fetish is not for your bottom
Although I think yours is a hot ‘un
But it’s not your cheeks making my interest pique
It’s your skin beneath skimpy white cotton

The gwawdodyn is a Welsh form of poetry.
With four lines, an internal rhyme on the third line, and a relatively fixed
metre, it’s a form that is easy to understand and fairly simple to master. Diagrammatically,
the structure looks something like this:

xxxxxxxxa
xxxxxxxxa
xxxxbxxxxb
xxxxxxxxa

This diagram shows the suggested syllable
count (9/9/10/9) and the end rhymes (a) and internal rhymes (b). My personal
habit with this form seems to be go over the syllable count – but I’m fairly
happy with the content so I’m not going to change these too much.

Whenever my love gets a hankering
To have her backside get a spankering
I punish all her fails when she’s spelling towns in Wales
And she gratefully gives me a thankering

I’ll be honest and admit I’ve seen a few
different versions of this form. I think I like this one because it reminds me
of the limerick which means I can be more playful with the content.

To make your pleasure become first class
I shall stick my left thumb up your ass
The sensation is great but don’t reciprocate
Cos your nails are as sharp as cut glass

As always, I look forward to seeing your poetry
in the comments boxes below.

Ash

 by Ashley Lister

Submitting to you
Makes breathing impossible:
You do take my breath away


Dominating you
Assuming vital control:
How we both enjoy breathplay

Last month we looked at the mondo form of
the katuata. As I’m sure everyone remembers, the Katuata is interpreted by
western poets as a three-line form with a syllabic structure of 5-7-7.

The sedoka form of the katuata comes in two
stanzas with each performing a separate function.  The first stanza presents a scene. The second
stanza shows that scene from another perspective. If we look at the poem above
we’re considering the same relationship in stanza one from the perspective of a
submissive and, in stanza two, the same relationship is shown from the perspective
of the dominant partner.

As a tool for reminding us about the
importance of perspective, the sedoka is well worth considering. It’s also a
fun way looking at one subject from a pair of diverse perspectives.

Tasting your sweetness
Savouring your musky scent
Drinking your satisfaction


Feeling your wet tongue
As it explores my bare flesh
And transports me to new heights

As always, I look forward to seeing your
poems in the comments box below.

 by Ashley Lister

Have you been naughty?
Do you need a good spanking?
Which paddle should I select?


I have been naughty.
I deserve your punishment.
Please use the studded paddle.

We’re all familiar with the haiku: the poetic
form, imported from Japanese culture, and interpreted by western poets as a three-line
stanza with a syllable count of 5-7-5. 

Less familiar, but similar in many ways to
the haiku, is the katuata.  In its Japanese
form the poem was made up of 19 onji, which we’ve translated as syllables. Most
authorities give the Katuata a three-line form structure of 5-7-7.

One of the popular applications of this form
is the mondo: a poem traditionally written by two poets and presented in the
form of a question and answer. The first stanza is the question, the second is the response.  

As a tool for helping with collaboration, this
is clearly an apposite way to begin a writing partnership.  However,
as a fun way of getting two characters talking, or simply challenging the
artistic imagination, writing the brief exchange of a mondo at the start of a
writing session is an effective way to kick-start creativity.

Your plans for tonight?
House of Cards
or
Breaking Bad?
Or
Pretty Little Liars?


Let’s be more daring.
Forget this Netflix and chill
We’ll make our own blockbuster

As always, I look forward to seeing your
poems in the comments box below.

 By Ashley Lister

Fifty
Shades of Clay: A billionaire sculptor seduces an innocent young potter.

She
placed her hands against the slippery wet clay on the potter’s wheel. With
rising urgency, she moved her leg up and down to operate the pedal.  The moisture on the clay ran through her
fingers as the wheel span swiftly. She found herself holding a thick, undulating
length that made her think of him. Unable to stop herself, she licked her lips.
She desperately wanted to fire his brick in her kiln.

This month’s writing exercise moves briefly
away from poetry and looks at the parody. 
I have to admit, I was inspired for this exercise by something shared on
FaceBook.  The piece suggested a story idea
for Fifty Shades of Whey – the tale of a vegan being seduced by the billionaire
CEO of a large cheese company. 

The piece that was written beneath that
strapline was intense sexual foodplay of the variety that would earn the
instant approval of Kay Jaybee and KD Grace. 
I’ve seen other variations on the notion of Fifty Shades and I wondered
if there could be a fun writing exercise in exploiting this rich vein of parody.  Below, is my idea for a fun writing exercise.

Take one whimsical parody on the whole idea
of the original Fifty Shades title and then expand it with a short strapline.

Fifty
Shades of Sleigh: Santa needs a helper – naughty and nice.

Fifty
Shades of Spay: He’s an uber-successful vet and he’s going to do something
drastic to her pussy.

Fifty
Shades of Crochet: One young woman gets her hook and yarn twisted into a
beautiful new shape.

Fifty
Shades of X-Ray: She was only have been a humble radiologist, but she could see
right through him.  

Once you’ve got a title and a strapline,
write a paragraph from an intense erotic scene in that story.

Fifty
Shades of Monet: She didn’t just model for him – she made an impression.

“No,”
she told him, baring her breasts and showing herself to him. “Stop painting
those damned water lilies and paint me instead.”

Her
heart was pounding as she pushed herself against him. He dropped his brush and
she could see that he had smeared a streak of blue-grey oil paint across her
torso.

“That
needs rubbing off,” he said, nodding at her stomach.

She
straddled him and said, “I thought you’d never ask.”

As always, I look forward to seeing your
work in the comments box below.

 by Ashley Lister

I’m keeping it short this month. I’ve got a book release on
July 7th and a launch party on July 10th. Raven and Skull is my first foray into
horror and, so far, I’m enjoying good reviews. (If you’re interested in finding
out more about Raven and Skull, please check it out on Amazon).

Because of this release and launch, I’m running round in a
haze of marketing and promotion that’s not giving me two full minutes to think
about poetry. Therefore, I thought it would be fun here this month to look at a
very short syllabic form: the lanturne poem.

one
finger
deep inside
then another
Yes!

The lanturne poem is a five line syllabic form that follows
the structure of 1, 2, 3, 4, 1. The idea is that a finished lanturne poem
should look like a lantern. I like this one because it’s so succinct. The
limited number of syllables forces a very strict use of language and there’s no
scope for waffle.

Kiss:
your lips
against mine
tongues intertwined
and…

…more
urgent
hands explore
flesh touches flesh
and…

…then
bodies
together
followed by a
kiss

As always, I look forward to seeing your poems in the
comments box below.

 By Ashley Lister

One of my favourite poetic standbys is the
list poem. Because, in real life, I’m a serial list-writer, I find it easy to
slip into the mindset of writing lists. Maybe it’s something to do with having the name ‘Lister’?

This is from a poem I wrote a few years
back entitled ‘A List of Things I Think About During WOFT Meetings’. It will be
noted that the word WOFT is an acronym for Waste Of F*****g Time.

Have
I muted my mobile?

Is
my mouth fixed in a smile?

Can
I slyly check my watch?

Dare
I scratch my itchy crotch?

Can
I count the ceiling tiles?

Will
all this sitting give me piles?

I’ve written mine rhyming couplets,
although that’s just personal preference. These can work in blank verse or with
a rhyming structure behind them. What sort of lists would be appropriate for an
erotic poem? How about a list of things I think about whilst blindfolded? What
about a list of things I think about when you’re away? Or  list of things I should have said? This is
how ‘A List of Things I Think About During WOFT Meetings’ continues:

The chair’s
a witless pseud pretender

Who
brings a typo-plagued agenda

He’s
followed by his office flunkies

A
troop of trite arse-kissing monkeys

Collective
covens then collude

Whilst
fat ones focus on free food

And
everyone gets their free drink

They’re
here to eat and chat – not think

And
I stare at my blank notepad

And
tell myself it’s not that bad

Whilst
letting my self-esteem diminish

And
wond’ring: “When will this crap finish?”

Should
I know that woman’s name?

Dare
I check my watch again?

How
long ago did this shit start?

How
long can I hold in this fart?

As always, I look forward to seeing your
poems in the comments box below.

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Hot Chilli Erotica

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