The Write Stuff

Ideas for Erotic Fiction – by Ashley Lister

Writers are often asked “where do you get your ideas from?” It’s a valid question. My usual response (I steal plots) is probably not a valid answer. However, “where do you get your ideas from?” is not a question that’s often levelled at erotic fiction writers. I think the reason for this is that most people know where we get our ideas from. We erotic fiction writers get our ideas from having sex.

Admittedly, this is the other reason why I invariably take a fat pencil into the bedroom. I did try using a pen in the bedroom but it would often lead to making a terrible mess on the sheets. And sometimes the pen would dribble ink. There were occasions when I tried to take a laptop into the bedroom for the purpose of making notes for story ideas. However, I can’t do that any longer since my floppy has become obsolete.

Of course there are disadvantages to using this method for collecting and remembering ideas. The main problem is that it means having to have sex with the lights on. I don’t like this kinky variation on traditional missionary-position-in-the-dark-lie-back-and-think-of-England sex. If the good Lord had meant us to see what we were doing in the bedroom he wouldn’t have made sex happen at night.

And I’m not alone in thinking that sex with the lights on is unnatural.

My wife (rightly) objects to sex with the lights on unless she’s wearing the blindfold or (as an alternative) I’m wearing the gas mask to improve my appearance. I’ve repeatedly told her that the gas mask doesn’t improve my appearance – it hides my face. However, she insists that this is a considerable improvement.

So, we get our ideas whilst we’re having sex.

I don’t just mean erotic fiction writers get their ideas whilst having sex. My wife had an idea to plaster the bedroom ceiling the other week. That thought came to her whilst she wasn’t wearing the blindfold. By the time we’d finished that particular session she’d come up with ideas for new curtains, improved wardrobe space and an improvement on the room’s Feng Shui that would harmonise our entire lives. It had clearly been quite a productive three minutes.

She’s also had ideas for modifying my gas mask so that it doesn’t make a Darth-Vader-esque wheezing sound every time I happen on the prospect of an exciting story development. That idea wasn’t particularly great because the modification meant my brain stopped receiving oxygen for half an hour, although it’s not like it caused any permanent brain lettuce.

I find it’s quite stimulating to think about character development, plot lines and Freytag’s pyramid during intercourse. It certainly beats trying to remember the more mundane things relating to sex, such as where I put the salad tongs and whose turn is to use the stapler.

Only last week, during our monthly episode of congress (please excuse the dirty language there but we’re all adults reading this, aren’t we?) I had a brilliant idea for a novel. I say it was last week, it could have been the month before because we’re like rabbits and we do it every fourth Saturday night whether I want to or not! But, during coitus (there’s some more of that dirty language) I had a brilliant idea for a novel that I knew would be a bestseller and the source of international literary acclaim.

Unfortunately, the idea for the novel was The Story of O, so I might have to learn French before I can write it down. Nevertheless, I shall struggle on to try and get other, equally brilliant ideas for my readers.

It’s a tough job, but someone has to do it.

An introduction from Ashley Lister

You’re going to have be patient here. I hate introducing myself. Or, to be more accurate: I’m not very good at introducing myself and I hate doing things at which I’m not very good. This means I don’t do much. I sit and I write and I drink copious amounts of coffee. I’m good at all three of those. Especially the sitting. And the coffee drinking. As to the writing…

So, I was introducing myself, wasn’t I? My name’s Ashley. Ashley Lister. Hello. How are you? Good. It’s a pleasure to meet you. You’re looking very hot. Not “hot” in a sweaty kind of way. I mean “hot” in a sexy way. Great. I’m glad we’ve cleared up that misunderstanding.

Adrienne at ERWA has asked me if I’d like to occasionally contribute to the ERWA blog. I write a column (or two) for ERWA. I review books. I interview authors. And I’m also a published author with a handful of erotic fiction titles to my credit and some short stories. I won’t state the exact number for two reasons: one, it will sound like I’m bragging; and two, I’ve never bothered keeping count so the figure I write down is bound to be inaccurate.

What will I be blogging about? Wow! Don’t you ask a lot of questions? OK. Since you asked, I’ll be blogging about the trails and tribbles of being an erotic fiction author. (I’m aware I should have written trials and tribulations but I’m too big a STTNG fan to depend on such clichés).

What sort of trails and tribbles are involved in being an erotic fiction author? Well, keep reading and you’ll find out. I’ve got to warn you now – it’s not easy. Most days are a challenge. It’s hard work being a raunchy writer who’s scintillatingly sexy, ludicrously literate and arousingly articulate, but I’m a lot like haemorrhoids in that I thrive under pressure. I’m a lot like haemorrhoids in other ways too – a natural born pain in the chair.

Great, this is going well, isn’t it? Can you see why I hate introducing myself? This is my first attempt at blogging here and already I’ve mentioned haemorrhoids and they’re not something you should bring out in polite company. Not even if they’re pickled and in a sanitized jar with the words A MEMENTO FROM THE HOSPITAL written on the side.

Anyway, haemorrhoids aside, I know you’ve already got some skilled and sexy bloggers on here, serving up pithy quips, saucy suggestions and other wonderful words of wisdom, so perhaps you should look on me as punctuation between the good stuff. A little like the human equivalent of a colon or a period – both of which I’ve been called before today.

Looking forward to blogging for you…

Ashley Lister

Hot Chilli Erotica

Hot Chilli Erotica


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