Erotica Readers & Writers Association

How Erotica Helped Me Discover My Sexuality

Way back in high school, during one of those brief minutes between one class and the next, I was sitting  at my desk thinking about nothing when some of my friends started laughing and passing around a piece of paper. Now, being a typical teenager, I wanted to know what was so funny, so they passed me the paper.

On it was a short paragraph, no more than four or five lines, about two men having sex with each other and the moment I read it, two things happened. One, I instantly became aroused and two, I instantly had to hide this fact from my friends who continued to laugh and say that the story was gross. I remember mumbling that I thought it was too before handing it back. But I also asked who wrote it, while simultaneously scanning the classroom to see who it might have been.

No one knew.

Now, I’m sure some of you are wondering why I did not simply flaunt my erection in front of my friends. The reason being that long before this day happened I had been taught three cardinal ‘rules’ at that vaunted institution of extracurricular learning otherwise known as…The Playground.

1.      Stay away from all gay men because they’re all dirty kid touchers.

2.      There are no such things as lesbians. Those are just women who’ve never had their ashes hauled properly.

3.      There are no such things as bisexuals. Those are just folks trying to be greedy.

(I also learned a fourth rule to never flaunt your erection under any circumstances, but that is another story.)

It may surprise some of you to learn that I went to Catholic school from kindergarten to 8th grade and learned that we Catholics tend to be a heavy-handed people. We know guilt on a molecular level. It is written into every prayer we say and despite however distant we may feel from our faith, the fact remains that one cannot spend so many formative years swimming in the same waters without swallowing some of the lake.

However, as I have gotten older, and with the more that I have written, the more I have found that it is not just my characters who are unwilling to stay within the roles prescribed to them. In my most recent story “I’m Her,” which will be appearing in Cleis Press’ Coming Soon: Women’s Orgasm Erotica anthology on 7/13/21 (shameless plug), the main character is a woman with neither the time nor the inclination to explain her needs to anyone. As a divorced mother of two, all she wants, all she needs, is a round of impersonal, anonymous, wall-shaking sex. (If you wish to know whether or not she gets it…BUY THE DAMN BOOK.)

It was by writing this story, and many others like it, that I began to accept not just the fantasies, but the needs that I have lived with all my life. Erotica not only helped me cut my teeth as a writer, it helped me grow as a person. It even helped me come out as bisexual to both my wife and my mother, which was the most frightening thing I have ever done. Full stop. I did it because I knew that not talking about it was no way to go on living and because I wanted to be a good role model for my daughter.

There were tears, of course, I won’t lie. My wife feared she wasn’t enough for me. My mother was abjectly terrified I would leave my wife and daughter.  It took time to calm them down. To reassure them that I loved my wife and  daughter and that my feelings for them had not changed. Eventually this sunk in and several days later, my wife turned to me and said that I was a great father and a great husband and that was all that mattered.

In the end, coming out as bisexual did not break me, but it did leave me with more questions than answers. Why did opening up about my sexuality somehow also open up my integrity? How could they believe that I would tear apart my family? Why is there a part of me that is still angry about this? I don’t have answers to these questions but I do know where to go from here.

My mother, though also accepting of my sexuality, went on to advise that I should keep it to myself. That it isn’t anyone else’s business but my own, and to an extent, she’s right. I will never tell my father about this, nor my brother. Both have been making gay jokes for as long as I can remember and neither conversation will end well, I assure you. However, if there is one thing I know, it’s that my problems get better when I write them down. They become less numerous, more manageable. I can get a better grip on them when I put pen to paper.

Please don’t misunderstand. This is in no way a call to arms, nor is it a treatise on how life is better outside the closet than in. Do what is best for you. Let me say that again. DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU. Your sexuality is your sexuality. If you want to shout it from the rooftops, you be my guest. If you want to live with it quietly, your way, then more power to you.

But this post right here, isn’t for anyone else but me. It’s my way of saying (with a small apology to my mother) that I’m going to be writing this one down. It is not the scariest thing I have ever done, but it is up there. All I ask is that you please be gentle with me. After all…this is my first time.

Erotic Lure Newsletter: Fall 2015 Edition

From Erotica Readers & Writers Association
By Lisabet Sarai

Dear Denizens of the Dark Side,

Welcome to the Fall edition of the Erotica Readers & Writers Association! October’s here, Halloween’s around the corner, and we’ve got plenty of treats waiting for you (plus a trick or two).

The Erotica Gallery in this edition is so amazing, it’s practically supernatural. To start with, we have five Awesome Authors serving up their sexy stories for your personal pleasure. From the dangerous delights of an anonymous bar pickup to a holiday tryst with a horny MILF, these authors will prepare you for the traditional devilish debauchery associated with All Hallow’s Eve. Then sample some of the offerings from our ERWA contributors –stories, quickies, flashers and poems, all fantastic and totally free. Whether you like it sweet or nasty, we’ll satisfy your appetite for erotic fare. Don’t miss our traditional October feature La Petite Mort. Our authors adore sending chills up your spine while warming your other parts.

Words make magic:

The Books for Sensual Readers section is a cornucopia overflowing with the fruits of fantasy. Rachel Kramer Bussel has two new anthologies out, I WANT YOU BAD (obsessive erotic romance) and DIRTY DATES (kinky couples fiction). Some of my very favorite authors have new releases, including Charlotte Stein’s luscious sounding THE PROFESSOR, a tale of a stern professor and his very naughty student; Portia Da Costa’s Black Lace classic HOTBED, featuring a pair of sisters, one wild, one shy and virtuous–until now; Ashley Lister’s novel of passion, betrayal and gourmet food, JUST DESSERTS; and Victoria Blisse’s sizzling vampire romance THE POINT OF EVIL. Looking for a hot gay read? Check out Eli Easton’s THE TROUBLE WITH TONY, about a PI who goes undercover–way undercover–masquerading as a patient in a sex clinic. My pick for lesbian fiction is Valerie Brundage’s DEAD MAN’S CURVES, a novel about love between women friends that defies labels.

This is, as usual, just a small sampling of the fabulous books we’ve assembled for your delectation. Check out our categorized listings of anthologies, novels, erotic romance, vintage and modern classics, gay and lesbian fiction, and sexy sex ed. You’re bound to find something that tickles your tingle. And once you do, please use our affiliate links to Amazon, B&N or iTunes to buy. Every click helps support the delightfully dirty-minded demons who labor to bring you a new ERWA edition every quarter.

Join us under the covers:

Let’s see, what’s next? How about a quick tour of the Sex Toy Playground? You may not know much about history, but the folks at Adam & Eve do. They’ve got a fun, enlightening article about the history of sex toys. The regular Sex Toy Scuttlebutt column, in contrast, highlights the ultimate in modern erotic apparatus. Consider, for instance, the Kgoal Smart Kegel Exerciser. Yes, it hooks up to your smart phone, and offers you an instant reward for working on your pelvic muscle tone… You have to read about it to believe it.

If you want one (or more), we’ve got links to all the best adult toy stores: Adam & Eve, Good Vibrations, and Gamelink Adult Products.

Just the thing for the trick or treat bag…

Adult Movies are our natural next stop. Porn and toys go together like apple pie and ice cream. This month’s features include Brad Armstrong’s stunning opus “Aftermath”, a powerful tale of sexual awakening and forbidden love. My “dirty smutty porn” pick is “Innocence Bound”. Watch–no, drool–as four sweet, uncorrupted young women are bound, used and initiated into the mysteries of lust. My classic recommendation is the last film by Henry Paris (aka Radley Metzger), the 1970’s masterpiece “Maraschino Cherry”. And just in time to answer all those questions raised by The Book That Shall Not Be Named, we bring you “A Lover’s Guide to Erotic Submission”, a two-disc set–one disk with instructional material, one that’s simply

Amorous apparitions await you:

Inside the Erotic Mind this month, we’re recalling our favorite steamy scenes from mainstream movies. Feel free to share the films that push YOUR personal buttons. Just click on “Participate” and fill in the form.

Arousal begins in the mind:

Authors, I haven’t forgotten you. The list of publishing opportunities in our Authors Resources section gets longer every week. Yes, we do update this section frequently, whenever we get new information. We also post all new calls on the ERWA blog,

Recent calls for submission include an anthology of geeky kink tales; Coming Together: On Wheels, a motorcycle- and racecar-themed charity anthology; and a call for lesbian power exchange fiction from Harper Bliss. If these three possibilities don’t inspire you, spend a few minutes browsing the other listings. We have literally dozens of publishers on the page, and guess what? They want YOUR work!

Even if you’re a top–submit!

And speaking of the authoring process, you may be interested in the sponsor for this edition of the Lure, Bookalope. Bookalope  is a new website that provides simple and interactive book conversions for electronic and print publication. Its tools grew from years of experience working with authors on their books, and now Bookalope offers these tools to everybody.

The process is easy, intuitive and saves time, while it hides most of the technical stuff. After uploading a file, Bookalope analyzes the visual styling of the text and, with some help from the user, extracts the structured book. Next, it checks the content for spelling and errors in punctuation and typography, and the user may choose to have them corrected. After that, the book is ready for conversion for Kindle, Nook, or iPad, into print-ready PDF, or InDesign or Word for continued editing and design.
Details at:

That wraps up this edition of the Erotic Lure. I certainly haven’t covered all the goodies on the site, but I’d rather let you explore on your own. Who knows what (or whom) you’ll find in some shadowy corner?

As for me, it’s less than a month before Halloween, and I still haven’t settled on a costume. I’m torn between Morticia Adams and Elvira Queen of the Dark. Black becomes me, and I do love the way a deeply plunging neckline shows off my — umm — assets…

Lustfully yours,

What if the government stole your libido? What would you do to get it back?
THE ANTIDOTE – Science fiction erotica by Lisabet Sarai
Buy now!

Visit Lisabet Sarai’s Fantasy Factory
Check out Lisabet’s blog
Join Lisabet’s List

Write, learn, and play on ERWA. Details at:

Hot Chilli Erotica

Hot Chilli Erotica


Babysitting the Baumgartners - The Movie
From Adam & Eve - Based on the Book by New York Times Bestselling Authors Selena Kitt



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