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Month: August 2019

Researching Stories, Or I Wonder How Big The FBI’s File On Me Is

by | August 28, 2019 | | 2 Comments

I often joke that considering my Google search history for writing research purposes, the FBI must have a massive file on me. I’m surprised I don’t get Pornhub spam in my email box. Here are some examples of my more amusing searches:

  1. What is the Altoids blow job myth?
  2. When is Steak and BJ day?
  3. Bigfoot erotica
  4. Cuckold fetish
  5. How to do pegging
  6. Lactation erotica

Research is an important part of a writer’s life. There are many ways to do research that will help you write a good book or short story. I read books on the subject matter I am studying. I also talk to people who are knowledgeable on a subject I am researching. For example, when I wanted to conduct an interview with Sexologist Dr. Petra Boynton to learn more about women’s sexuality, I contacted her directly. When I was writing an article about writers and jealousy, I posted on Facebook asking my friends for their own personal experiences with the green monster. I heard from plenty of people. Not only did I get good articles out of talking directly to people, I learned a few new things. It’s very beneficial to reach outside your own head and talk to others.

With Google at my fingertips, there is very little I cannot find online. Any time I have a question or concern about sex, erotic writing, and romance, I go to Google. It does take some doing to separate the wheat from the chaff, but I invariably find what I’m looking for. I used to write for Sexis Magazine and the U. K. publication nuts4chic. My articles ran the gamut of topics from men faking orgasms to hotel sex. I often relied on breaking and weird news stories to inspire my articles. The fallout from these searches has been both infuriating and humorous.

My privacy has been invaded on numerous occasions. I’m sure readers have experienced searching for something on Google – say, erotic shaving – and then find their Facebook feeds full of ads for razors. Social media spies on us. I find that to be a bit disconcerting but it’s a fact of life and I can’t avoid it. The purpose of social media is not to help connect us with friends and family but to send our information to advertisers who will spam our email boxes with junk. My Amazon, Google, and Facebook searches and commentary influence the kinds of ads Facebook tosses my way.

I’m sure writers reading this article have experienced Amazon recommending their own books for them to purchase. Same here. What you search for on Amazon influences what the behemoth store will recommend for you to buy. I’ve searched for big boob erotica for many of my stories and I’m inundated with bra ads. I figure if I’m going to be spammed I’d might as well make it worthwhile so I’ve searched for things like teabagging, cybersex, which states ban the sale of sex toys, hospital sex toy horror stories, and more. My inbox is… entertaining.

I’ll continue to conduct my writing research as I see fit. I just have to get used to my inbox being full of spam about bondage harnesses, the latest erotica awards, and singles groups for older people. I’ve added my email to the government’s no spam list but they somehow still find me. Despite the annoyance, I will find information I need on a wide variety of erotic topics that are necessary for my fiction writing. And I’ll have fun doing it.

———

Elizabeth Black writes in a wide variety of genres including erotica, erotic romance, horror, and dark fiction. She lives on the Massachusetts coast with her husband, son, and her three cats. Coming in September, 2019 – her story “The Beautiful Moves in Curves” will appear in “Dangerous Curves Ahead”, an anthology of sexy stories about plus-sized women. Look for it at Amazon.

Web site: http://elizabethablack.blogspot.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elizabethablack

Twitter: http://twitter.com/ElizabethABlack

Amazon Author Page: https://www.amazon.com/author/elizabethblack

Newsletter: http://eepurl.com/b76GWD

Persistence

by | August 27, 2019 | | 1 Comment

by Jean Roberta

Writing about sex and sexual relationships in all their complexity and then finding a suitable public venue for a story are parallel to deciding what kind of date you want, searching the dating pool for someone who comes as close to your fantasy as possible, then negotiating a relationship. And you need to brace yourself for the possibility that a Significant Other, a narrative, or a publishing contract might make you so uncomfortable that you want to run out the door.

Finding ideas for a story is not hard to do if you sift through your stream of consciousness, the current issues that attract your attention, and the dreams you have at night. However, not all ideas are equally worthy of being developed into a plot starring multi-dimensional characters in a well-described location. If you dreamed of riding a camel with wings to an island populated by kittens with poisonous fangs, could you persuade a reader that all this is meaningful? If the hero of your story is captured by man-hating Amazon warriors while trying to rescue a cave full of man-loving sex slaves with enormous breasts, would this epic impress a diverse group of readers?

Not all ideas that seem stupid at second glance deserve to be completely trashed, but in some cases, it’s easier to start over with a different plot catalyst and cast of characters than to add depth and complexity to a scene or a plot that no longer sparks joy.

Finishing a story, novella, novel or multi-novel series to your own satisfaction is only Phase 1 of the process, unless you are content never to see your work in print, or hear it recorded. If your piece was written in response to a call-for-submissions, you need to send the thing off before the deadline, and hope for the best. If you simply wrote the story because it was nagging you to write it, you need to find a suitable editor/publisher to send it to. Chances are, few of the venues you know of are a perfect match for your story, if any. Will a particular editor who prefers contemporary realism make an exception for a historical fantasy? Probably not. If the story includes explicit sex, does that make it erotica? How much sex is a deal-breaker for a publisher who specializes in, say, romantic suspense?

If you want to self-publish, you need a set of technical skills and a flare for self-promotion. If you want to lease your work to a traditional publisher, is there anything in the contract that gives you pause? (As a case in point, the old Black Lace line of women’s erotica, published in the UK, was known for paying very well for rights that seemed to stretch endlessly into the future.)

Writers who experience writer’s block, or a series of rejections, or unexpected demands for sweeping revisions, or exploitation in various forms sometimes threaten to give it all up and fill their spare time with heavy drinking and mindless entertainment instead. Writers in this mood need to be comforted. Other writers usually encourage the desperate to get back on the horse that threw them, and continue the journey. Keep going is a slogan that has led to many a success after failure.

If “persist” is your motto, however, the question is persist at what? Persist against all odds? Persist at going deeper into debt as a full-time writer when you have dependents to support? Is there never a time when giving up, at least in part and temporarily, would be a wiser choice?

About the year 2000, when I rarely got responses to my erotic story submissions, let alone acceptances, my sympathetic girlfriend advised me to be “more assertive.” She thought I should respond to rejection by demanding explanations. This didn’t mean she actually approved of my stories about sex, especially lesbian sex, but she didn’t think any of the callous editors out there had a right to reject my work, especially if they were accepting raunchy stories by writers who undoubtedly had less class or brilliance than I had.

After a year of silence from the publishing biz, I followed Girlfriend’s advice by writing and snail-mailing letters to four editors I had never met. I acknowledged that editors have a right to make choices which can be difficult, but I pointed out that writers are the source of all writing, and therefore I felt that editors who rely on writers to send them material should respond with clear answers. I wanted those faraway strangers to confirm that my typed pages had arrived on their desks, and I actually got some polite responses, which encouraged me to keep going.

Since then, I’ve been relieved that I didn’t burn bridges by demanding reasons why my unique erotica had been shot down by idiots.

Long before the “me-too” movement began, I remembered being confronted by guys who didn’t see why they should take no for an answer. Was I dating someone else? Was I a snob because my father was a university professor? Why did I think I was too good to get fucked—with no protection—by guys I hardly knew? (Apparently no logical explanations came to the minds of the ones I disappointed.)

My common sense advised me not to behave like That Guy. When I interacted with other writers on-line, I read several similar lists of do’s and don’ts, including the stern admonishment not to argue with the editor who rejected your submission, no matter how unfair you think that was. The logic of that rule was clear to me. As someone apparently said in ancient Rome, there is no explaining taste.

To sum up, I find that persistence during the long haul is probably the most essential quality for a writer, since it will accomplish more than talent alone. However, it needs to be a qualified and disciplined persistence, like that of a river that finds its way to the sea by swerving around boulders instead of making a big splash, drenching everything in sight, then drying up.

Just as a relationship with another person requires tact and negotiating skills, so does a relationship with your Muse, with the gatekeepers of the publishing world, and with all the readers you hope to reach.
—————

Why We Enjoy Swinging?

by | August 24, 2019 | | 6 Comments

F*** and B**

By Larry Archer

Why do we enjoy the Lifestyle is an interesting question that occasionally we get asked? Occasionally is because there are not a lot of reasons for it to come up. Similar to being gay or trans, swinging is not a topic that you bring up with your straight friends.

Generally speaking, I believe most straights assume that we spend all our time in bed with somebody else’s husband or wife. While that may be true to somewhat of a degree, the Lifestyle is a lot more than fucking and sucking.

When you are with other couples, the atmosphere is a lot more relaxed and stressfree. You don’t have to worry about your other half playing grabass with someone else after a few drinks. While there is a fair possibility that it may, in fact, happen, it doesn’t mean a problem. Just pull up a chair and enjoy the view or take care of someone else.

Certainly, there is an initial adjustment period for most couples, and some will bail initially as they can’t come to grips with their spouse sleeping with another. It’s natural to have some jealousy when your wife is getting her brains fucked out, but it’s funny how quickly that passes.

We always tell new couples to try and keep it even as it’s hard to be upset when you’re getting your bell also rang at the same time your wife is getting off. So if one of you is partying, then hopefully the other is also. The point to keep in mind is that this is simply sex and nothing else. Swinging is not cheating, and there is no love involved.

You are not slipping off for a nooner at Motel 6 or tipping the gardeners with a gangbang. Plus the neat thing is you can tell your other half all about it. If you cheat with that hot MILF in accounting, who are you going to tell about the blowjob you got in the storeroom, certainly not your wife?

It might seem strange at first, but getting sloppy seconds from your wife while she’s telling you exactly what she just did to some other guy or girl is so neat. A lot of guys enjoy watching their wife with other men, and being in the Lifestyle allows you to do that without worrying about what could happen.

New couples may think it’s better to start with another couple, but I think larger parties are a better choice. With only one other couple, you may have to take one for the team or a “charity fuck” as we call them. You can certainly say no, but you may feel somewhat forced to get with the other person as you’ll both be in the living room looking at each other while your other half is getting his lights drilled out.

At a house party, you are free to pick a different partner or not do anything if you desire. Just because your husband is with someone’s wife, doesn’t mean that you have to go with her husband. When your choices are greater, it’s more likely that you’ll find someone you like.

Sometimes, the wife is the ticket for the husband to get in the door, and people will quickly pick up on the fact, she never parties. This will typically mean that invitations for the next party will quickly dry up. Swinging is an event for both parties, and if you both don’t want to do it, maybe you should take up bowling.

If a cuckold – Hotwife couple are not swingers, they end up having to pick up random guys at a bar or possibly at work. This can be fraught with potential problems. If she goes off with a person or couple at a party, everyone knows where their partner is, and you don’t have to worry about them getting raped or attacked.

Certainly, couples can make this work, but for new couples, be careful. One couple we know had just flown in from somewhere and decided to get a drink at the airport bar. The wife ended up taking a hockey team back to the motel for a gangbang. Her husband said that it was incredible watching his wife take on the whole team.

Straight guys tend to freak out if the husband asks if he can watch! One of our best friends is a Hotwife, and she’d been taking care of guys before they started swinging. Her husband would sometimes be frustrated as he couldn’t find a place to hide and watch from. He had to be satisfied with her giving him a blow by blow detailed story afterward.

Now he can stand by the bed and jerk off or hide in the closet and peek out without anyone thinking he’s weird. With us, he likes to video his wife so he can enjoy it over and over. She’s a blonde MILF with an awesome body, and she often goes out with my wife and I. They are both exhibitionists and enjoy flirting and showing off to strange guys and girls.

We have a Corvette convertible with only two seats, so one has to sit in the other’s lap which always generates interesting comments from passersby. She was initially not very BI but was quickly converted by my wife, who’s more into girls than guys, unless he’s well built, .i.e. hung (LOL).

For me, the swing scene offers a ton of benefits, especially if you enjoy your wife showing off and being able to check out the girls at a party. A big chunk of the women are exhibitionists and being able to show off their bodies without snide remarks is a big plus for them.

Wifey loves to flirt and gets a charge out of “accidentally” showing off to straights at a bar. She never wears a bra and is often commando. So bending over to show off the assets gives her a thrill. When there are several couples at a bar, the girls typically put on a show for everyone. We like our wives to be the center of attention and don’t have to worry about them running off with someone. Plus they know they are safe and protected in case someone gets the wrong idea.

Boredom is a common problem among marrieds. No matter how much fun it is to be with your other half, there’s always a thrill when you are with someone different. It’s called the Seven Year Itch for a reason, and being able to scratch that itch without causing a divorce is a good thing.

While swinging will not fix a bad marriage and will likely finish it off. But, for couples in a stable relationship, it can add spice to a good marriage.

This is Larry Archer signing off till this time next month. Hit me up if you have any questions, or check out my blog at LarryArcher.blog. I’m now on MeWe.com, which is a new uncensored type of FaceBook and uncensored Tumblr combined. My handle is Larry Archer Author or click this link.

MeWe is new but quickly getting their act together. Searching is a little hit or miss, but Google works pretty good, and it’s nice that it’s uncensored and FREE!

Thank you, Valentine Michael Smith

by | August 21, 2019 | | 2 Comments

As I get older, I’m increasingly aware of my good fortune. In particular, I’m grateful to have so few sexual hang-ups. It’s obvious that for many people, sexuality is fraught with guilt, shame, discomfort and fear. Somehow I managed to escape most of these issues.

For me, sex has almost always been a positive experience, ranging from simple fun to life-changing transcendence. I’ve had a wide range of erotic adventures, a rich sexual history which I can (and do) mine in my stories. I also find that I’m attracted to individuals across the gender spectrum, and aroused by a dizzying variety of kinks and quirks. Oh, and despite the fact that I’ve been married for decades, I don’t think I’m fundamentally monogamous.

I grew up in a pretty liberal family, where sex wasn’t condemned or forbidden, but at the same time, it wasn’t exactly a common topic of conversation. So where did I get my attitudes? Why am I so comfortable, relatively speaking, with sex? (I might also ask why I’m so fascinated by it….)

Recently, I got a reminder, when I re-read Robert Heinlein’s science fiction classic Stranger in a Strange Land.

I first encountered this novel when I was twelve or thirteen, just past puberty and drenched with hormones. I was primed for sexual themes. I devoured the book, sharing it with a geeky guy who was my first real boyfriend (though not my first lover). Heinlein’s tale had an incredible impact on my developing sexuality.

In case you’re not familiar with the novel, the “Stranger” of the title is a young man named Valentine Michael Smith, illegitimate son of two brilliant members of the doomed first expedition to Mars. When his parents and the rest of the crew perish, Smith is adopted and raised by the native inhabitants of Mars. Twenty-some years later, a second expedition brings him back to Earth, where he must try to reconcile his Martian upbringing with the demands and dangers of a bewildering and utterly alien new environment. Various powers on Earth want to exploit, control and even eliminate him, but he’s rescued by his nurse Jill and brought to sanctuary in the Poconos mansion of the venerable Jubal Harshaw, LL.B., M.D., Sc.D, bon vivant, popular author and contrarian.

Jubal succeeds in neutralizing the immediate threats to Mike’s life and freedom. Meanwhile, he and the other members of his unconventional establishment (including a captivating blonde, a buxom brunette and a perky red head, who function as his secretaries) discover that the Man from Mars has extraordinary abilities acquired during his education. He can manipulate time and space, including his own body; he can read the minds of people he trusts; he can recognize lies but is himself incapable of falsehood.

Adapting a Martian ritual, Mike “shares water” with Jill, Jubal and the other individuals who gather around him. Initially this involves a literal use of water, which is scarce and precious on Mars. Eventually, water sharing evolves into deeper communion, often involving sex – a joining of both bodies and minds. Martians biology and culture offers nothing remotely like human sexuality. Mike recognizes the unique power of sex, to bind, nurture, heal pain and gladden the heart. Meanwhile his human partners discover that sex with the Man from Mars involves an entirely different plane of experience, ecstatically pleasurable as well as spiritually uplifting.

The community that starts at Jubal’s home evolves into an extended polyamorous family of “water brothers”. At thirteen, I found this concept thrilling and seductive. Love, sex, trust, emotional support, pleasure, oneness, transcendence, all linked. Physical and spiritual connection, shared freely, without guilt or shame or jealousy. Though I was still a virgin, this resonated so strongly that I felt it had to be right and true.

I trace many of my feelings and attitudes about sex to that early reading. I still subscribe to this view of sex as sacrament.

What about now, though? Would Mike’s story still inspire me? When I saw a copy of the “uncut version” at my local used bookstore, I had to find out whether I’d react to the book the same way, after five and a half decades on earth.

Of course, it’s always risky to re-read a beloved book many years later. All too often, I find that the magic has fled, that the excitement kindled by that first reading reflected only my naiveté. I was amazed and delighted to find that Stranger in a Strange Land, first published in 1961, holds up very well in the twenty first century. That’s quite surprising for science fiction. Modern society is not all that different from what Heinlein imagined – the same greed and hunger for power, the same silly fads, the same religious cults, the same suspicions about people who are “alien”. In fact, I think I appreciate Jubal’s character more on this reading, having reached the status of curmudgeon myself.

And the water sharing? If anything, I found the sexual philosophy of the book more compelling on this read, though perhaps less novel. When I read SIASL as a teen, I accepted its message based on intuition. Now I can testify to its truth from personal experience.

The one thing I noticed that was missing in Mike’s world is same-sex coupling. It would seem a natural extension, but I guess that would have been too radical for a sixties author to contemplate. On the other, the book doesn’t explicitly rule out homoerotic interactions. Water sharing eventually morphs into a group ritual, an orgy (at least implied) where everyone is mentally connected with everyone else. Who’s to say the physical connections aren’t comprehensive as well?

Or am I reading my own philosophy and preferences into the tale?

In any case, this re-reading confirmed my long-time conviction that SIASL made fundamental contributions to my sexual development. I’m thrilled and grateful.

Without Valentine Michael Smith, there might never have been a Lisabet Sarai.

Writer’s Block

by | August 6, 2019 | | 4 Comments

By Ashley Lister

For the longest time I didn’t believe in writer’s block. I’d hear friends and colleagues talk about how they were suffering from writer’s block and, whilst I’d respond with cordial sympathy, I’d inwardly ascribe their words to some need for attention: an acceptable way for them to say, “I’ve not put pen to paper for a few days, but I really am a writer.”

I understood this to be true because I’ve always viewed the ability to write as being akin to a superpower and being able to say, “I’m a writer,” is nothing short of saying, “I’m a superhuman.” Writers are the real superheroes of this world and, to my mind, the notion of writer’s block was merely a rumour about a Kryptonite that didn’t exist.

However, I am now older and wiser and I’ve revised my opinion about writer’s block. According to Wikipedia:

Writer’s block is a condition, primarily associated with writing, in which an author loses the ability to produce new work, or experiences a creative slowdown. The condition ranges from difficulty in coming up with original ideas to being unable to produce a work for years.

This strikes me as a sufficiently succinct description, and I want to look at potential reasons for each of these symptoms, and potential ways to address them.

 

Losing the ability to produce new work

There could be several reasons for this. Blaming it on writer’s block is merely labelling the symptom rather than identifying the cause.

Whenever I’ve felt unable to produce new work, I can usually find the reason has an external factor. Personal issues such as grief, loss, illness or other major life-changing events, can often be a cause. If someone has suffered a bereavement no one would expect them to sit back at the keyboard, shrugging off their upset for a couple of hours, whilst they try to hit the day’s planned word count on a new and exciting story. However, as writers, we expect ourselves to be able to turn on our abilities like a proverbial light switch.

Writer’s block doesn’t have to be caused by such major personal issues. I’ve found it difficult to write when I’ve felt my work wouldn’t be read by a sufficiently large audience. I’ve found it difficult to write when I’m tired or distracted.

Producing new work is not an easy task and, as superhero writers, it behoves each of us to remind ourselves that what we do with our superpower is an act of creation: and all creativity needs a period of incubation.

 

Experiencing a Creative Slowdown

It’s an established fact of life that, as we get older, we get slower. From driving to digesting, and from sex to being creative: we get slower as we get older. However, because we’re all looking at our writing as a superpower, we want to be able to spew out one original idea after another in the same rapid succession we managed last year and the year before that.

To use the driving analogy, we might be driving more slowly: but we’re also driving more carefully and residing in an insurance bracket renowned for drivers less prone to accidents. To use the sex analogy, perhaps we’re not doing it four and five times in a night: but, when we do anything, we’re doing it four and five times longer.

 

Difficulty in Coming Up with Original Ideas

This is less a problem with writer’s block, and more a problem of modernity. Trying to be original in the twenty-first century is not easy. I’m not going to say that every story that can be told has been told, but I do believe every story we think of has at least one precedent somewhere in recent memory. To make this worse, as writers, we’re encouraged to pitch our ideas as though they’re a combination of existing material: It’s like a combination of Pride and Prejudice and Caligula, or it’s like John Wick meets 101 Dalmatians. No matter how original those ideas are, they’re still being compared to popular stories that have gone before.

Theorists such as Campbell and Propp have shown us that structure is consistent and, sometimes, we see the familiar shape of structure as being symptomatic of a lack of originality.

 

All of which is said here to argue that, whilst writer’s block does exist, it can be overcome.

I’d suggest fighting it as though it’s Kryptonite. As I’ve said before, if you’re a writer, you’re one of the world’s superheroes. Instead of suffering with the misery of being thwarted by your nemesis and not being able to write, pick up a pen or sit down in front of a keyboard, and show that you can churn out words. It might not be easy. At first all the usual doubts might creep in. And what you initially produce might not be what you want to write. But, eventually, like the superhero that you are, you’ll break through the block.

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