From the Erotica Readers & Writers Association
By Lisabet Sarai
Dear Pupils of Prurient Pedagogy,
September always stimulates my memories of back-to-school: crisp empty notebooks and well-sharpened pencils, a brand new wardrobe, strict teachers quick with the ruler or the cane… Okay, okay, so those memories are from a number of years later. Nevertheless, I adored school, and so there’s something about this month that continues to excite me.
If you’re looking for excitement, you’ve come to the right place, the Erotica Readers & Writers Association web site. I’m headmistress Lisabet Sarai, here to make sure you know what’s good for you. Pay attention, now, while I instruct you in the many delights that await the diligent student among our pages.
Our first lesson begins in the Story Gallery, where our special guest author is the erudite and prolific Jean Roberta. Appropriately, she teaches at a renowned Canadian university – when she’s not penning her literate smut, that is. You’ll find three enticing tales by Jean in the Gallery this month, showcasing the diversity of her talent.
When you’ve finished reading Jean’s contributions, don’t neglect the rest of the tantalizing original fiction we feature this month. We’ve got complex, multi-faceted stories and sizzling quickies, all guaranteed to entertain as well as enlighten you. You get extra credit if you read the poetry – some hilarious limerick cycles as well as more serious verse.
English composition class was never this much fun:
Since reading is one of the three essential skills (along with writing and flogging), I’ll lead you next to the Books for Sensual Readers section, where we keep you informed about all the best new erotic titles. This month we showcase a number of stellar anthologies, including Delilah Devlin’s lesbian vampire collection GIRLS WHO BITE, Catherine Leary’s shocking and arousing collection about sex and apocalypse, THIS IS THE WAY THE WORLD ENDS, and Mitzi Szereto’s delicious Gothic romance anthology RED VELVET AND ABSINTHE. If you’d prefer a novel to a selection of short fiction, pick up Saskia Walker’s medieval tale about an accused witch and a priest of dubious sanctity, THE HARLOT. Everyone’s talking about HOUSE OF HOLES, Nicholas Baker’s surreal, boisterous, and bizarre sexual opus. It sounds like great fun, and it’s “Literature”, too – reviewed by the New York Times and everything!
In the gay fiction category, you’ll certainly want to check out KISSING SHERLOCK HOLMES, a re-imagining of the classic detective and his dedicated assistant by T.D. McKinney and Terry Wylis. Lesbian lit fans will enjoy KISS THE RAIN by Larkin Rose, a sexy romance about secrets and lies, fashion and phone sex. Meanwhile, your assignment for history class is ONE NATION – UNDER SEX. Free speech advocate and founder of Hustler magazine, the notorious Larry Flynt, teams up with a history professor from Columbia University to explore the colorful sex lives of American presidents, first ladies and their lovers – and how that has influenced history.
I’ll expect your book report before the end of the month:
Speaking of expectations: if you decide to purchase the above titles or any others, I presume you will remember to use ERWA’s affiliate links to Amazon or Barnes and Noble. Should you forget and carelessly throw away potential revenue for ERWA by buying elsewhere, let me assure you that I have my ruler handy.
Every educator knows that book learning is no substitute for practical, action-oriented experience. So follow me over to the Sex Toy Playground for some hands-on activity with amatory artifacts. The folks at Adam and Eve, in the spirit of back-to-school, offer an informative history of sex toys. Even the Sears and Roebuck Catalog shows up in their essay. Kyra Saunders’ review of the Bnaughty bullet vibrator had me laughing with her description of how her last vibe bit the dust. As usual, the Sex Toy Scuttlebutt serves as the Cliff Notes for sex toys, hitting the highlights of what’s new from our partners. The observant pupil will note that a number of our affiliates are offering significant discounts to ERWA subscribers. Don’t miss the Smartballs Kegel training kit; remember that a fit pussy is a happy pussy.
Get some physical education:
Remember those film strips they used to run in “Health” class? Our Adult Movies are more fun, and more accurate, too. I usually don’t appreciate parodies, but “Elvis XXX” sounds too good to miss. Featuring your favorite porn stars masquerading as Ann Margret, Marilyn Monroe, Natalie Wood and the King himself, the film is a rollicking, raunchy musical tribute to the man who invented the mobile pelvis.
Other titles that caught my eye include “Portrait of a Call Girl”, a character study of a young woman’s sexual path to freedom from her past. “Backdoor to Chyna” features World Wrestling Foundation champion Chyna in a filthy, outrageous set of over-the-top sexual scenarios. Classic porn is always educational. The 1980 hit “Downstairs, Upstairs” is a typical example. It stars the delectable Seka as a maid who takes employment in an aristocratic, sex-crazed British family and is of course drawn into their kinky games.
All these movies and dozens more are waiting for you. Just click on the link to your favorite provider. ERWA gives you a broad choice, and guess what? Many are offering discounts. Be good and order your top five.
There’ll be a film quiz later:
Inside the Erotic Mind, our members are discussing BDSM, a surprisingly controversial subject. To share your opinions, just click the Participate link. I did.
Everything is permitted inside the erotic mind:
We’ve covered reading and flogging, so it’s time to turn to writing. In the Author Resources section, William Gaius provides a detailed guide to techniques and terminology in preparing your book for Print-On-Demand. Ashley Lister offers pointers on doing it in public – reading your work, that is. Explore our comprehensive archives, which cover more than five years of advice and inspiration from the experts.
The Calls for Submissions listings are overflowing with publishing opportunities. New items this month include a cowboy anthology edited by Delilah Devlin, a female submission anthology with Rachel Kramer Bussel, Mitzi Szereto’s call for swords and sorcery erotic fiction (“Kingdoms of Desire”), and Storm Moon Press’ call for gender-bending “trans*” fiction. Forbidden Fiction is a new ebook and print publisher focusing on taboo fantasy erotica. This is just the tip of the iceberg. ERWA provides the most comprehensive and up-to-date compendium of places for you to submit your work, including magazines, websites, even audio publishers.
I don’t want to hear you whining that there’s no market for erotica:
And while I’m addressing myself to the writers, editors and publishers among you, let me remind you that there’s still time to register for the Erotic Authors Association’s inaugural erotic writers’ conference, Sex in Sin City. The conference will be held at the Flamingo Hotel and Casino on the Las Vegas Strip, September 9 and 10, 2011. Come meet your fellow smutmongers! With panels, classes, readings, publisher consultations, and of course parties, Sex in Sin City promises to be both educational and fun. AND it’s probably tax deductible.
For registration and hotel links, as well as a complete list of panels and panelists, classes and presenters as well as bios and photos, visit the EAA website at:
Don’t dawdle now.
Our September web gem is adult emporium Lovehoney. Sexual happiness starts with Lovehoney. Whether you’re looking for a sex toy, some extra special lingerie, erotic literature or a gift with a sexy twist, has everything you need for a fun and fulfilling sex life. Lovehoney believes that exploration, play and please is a combination worth indulging in. With free advice, delivery and 1 year returns, you can shop in total confidence with Lovehoney – The Sexual Happiness People: www.lovehoney.co.uk
It’s time for me to let you out of class, but I do hope you’ll do your homework. If school had only been as motivating as the ERWA site, we all would have gotten better grades.
As for me, I’ve just been called to the principal’s office. My backside’s already tingling in anticipation.
Write, learn, and play on ERWA email list at: