Just wondering: I see a lot of comments here from folks who are single and say they masturbate for a particular reason: No partner to share sex with. So what does that say for a person like myself, who is married for 18 years and continued to masturbate (with a lovely purple, jelly vibrator, thankyouverymuch) throughout that time. I enjoy sex with my hubby, but I like my “alone” time as well. I never considered myself a perv for this practice, but wonder if there is a weirdness there for a person who has a partner, but loves to masturbate, in private moments. —Raquel
If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter. —George Carlin
From Anonymous
Being a male in my late 40s with a wife in her early 50s, our sex drives are almost polar opposite. We have been having sex for over 23 years. I still have a drive as strong as it was in my late teens. I masturbated almost every day at that age–even if I had a sexual relationship with a girl. My wife never really did have a strong sex drive, but now after 2 kids and being in pre-menopause, what little there was has virtually vanished. Only occasionally do we engage in sex–and only if she initiates.
As a male, high sex drive notwithstanding, I have a physiological need to ejaculate stored up semen every now and then. Of course, I would rather share any sexual activity I may want to engage in with her, rather than by myself. But, if the situation warrants and I happen to have some private time–which is very little these days, I will “take care of business”.
One thing that I am thankful for is this: my wife has begun to give me the most satisfying hand jobs lately.
It feels waaay better than when I masturbate myself. I know for you ladies out there it is usually better when you can pleasure yourself the “right way”, but for us guys it is usually the opposite. When all is said and done, I am a happier person since my sexual tension has been relieved.
From Paul
As a married, 58 year old man, masturbation forms a very important part of my relationship with my wife. Because of her medical condition, we have not been able to share a bed for many years now and masturbation is the only way to satisfy my very healthy libido. We both enjoy our masturbation sessions and speak openly about them, especially as part of foreplay to normal intercourse. The sharing of this intimacy is a great turn-on for both of us and we both absolutely love watching the other bringing themselves to a self-induced climax.
From Robert
I do believe masturbation is the secret to monogamy. When I was in my mid 20s, I was unfortunately in what is now considered a sexless marriage. My bride did not want to be pressured to have sex, even though the Bible says witholding sex from your spouse for long periods of time is sinful: “The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. [5] Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.”
The Bible does NOT say that masturbation is sinful. I love masturbation because I was able to enjoy the body God gave me and was able to release my sexual tension when she would not. I would never divorce my wife because I made a vow to her, but if she is not going to perform her wifely duty (and I would never force her or accept sex if she would only do it out of a sense of duty) I need and want to enjoy sex, whether on the rare occasions with her or the great times by myself. We are still married over 25 years now.
My wife also masturbates privately but does not like to talk about, which I wish she would because I love talking to her about sex. The world is still afraid to talk about masturbation and this contributes to all the problems we have: divorce, rape, premarital sex, unwanted pregnancies.
From Anonymous
We’ve been happily married for 45 years and we’ve been masturbating solo and together since the very beginning. We were both passionate about our solo pleasures and saw no reason to put that on the shelf just because we could now have virtually unlimited partner sex. It’s important for us to give one another the personal time needed to love ourselves and we also love sharing it together.
From Peter
Good for you ERWA for celebrating masturbation. Most of us know, but are unwilling to say, that some of the best sex we’ve ever had, was with our selves. After all, only we know what we really like. We know how we like to be touched, how we like to be teased, poked, prodded and played with. I’m sure this goes as much for men as it does for women. Even if we have a regular and very much loved partner, it is sometimes difficult to ask for the thing that turns us on most. Alone, this is not a problem. We can do whatever we like and there is no one to look at in the morning and think, “did we really do that?” In other words, it’s sex without inhibitions getting in the way. Some people can get this with a partner. Lucky them. For those of us who can’t, masturbation is a wonderful alternative.
From Madeleine
So you have been married for 18 years and have continued to masturbate.. well.. I think that is ok. I too am married and I too like to masturbate. I just use my fingers, mostly stimulating my clit, sometimes inserting one or two fingers, but I need this. It has nothing to do with not loving my husband.. it is something totally different. I am pleasuring myself, giving my body attention, giving myself time.. it is important and special to me, and I do not feel weird, or that I am taking anything away from my husband.. if at all, he profits from it too.
From Jack
From this man’s point of view, if my girl masturbates without me then I’m doing something wrong and not satisfying her. It feels aweful, belittleing, insulting. BUT, I masturbate in private moments, and that’s fine – no reflections on her. Go figure. No doubt this attitude is a social construct that will take dozens of years to move passed.
From Herman
In Germany we say no sex with a partner is as good as you imagine it while jerking off I found that to be very true, and yes an important key to monogamy.
From Anonymous
Yeah, I’ve always found the idea that you only masturbate because you can’t have “real sex” odd, too. I’m 21 and I’ve been masturbating since I was about 10 years old. I’m transgender (a boy in a girl’s body) and consequently I often feel uncomfortable about my body. So, being naked and intimate with a partner can be difficult.
For me, having sex with my partner is a totally different experience from masturbating on my own. When I masturbate, I usually don’t take off my clothes at all and I touch myself through them (still very effective) I also like to read erotic stories, so it’s very much “in my head.” With my boyfriend (who is also trans), I usually undress at least partially and I’ve gotten to the point that I’m okay with him touching me – it turns him on so much, it’s worth it.
Sex with a partner for me is very intense and sometimes a little scary, compared to masturbation which feels safe, comfortable. I like both, but they give me totally different things.I couldn’t replace masturbating with partener sex, or vice versa. I’ve been feeling a bit odd about masturbating while I’m in a relationship (thanks so much, society!) but at the moment, it hasn’t been an issue.
From Anonymous
I still masturbate regularly, at least 2-3 times a week, even being in a long-term relationship and even when we are having very regular sex. It is a very distinct and private pleasure, and I enjoy it very much. My partner brings me great pleasure, and so does masturbation. Yes, sometimes I do it because I am wanting/needing release and he is not interested or available, but more often, I do it just because I feel like it and want the unique experience of self-pleasuring.
It is not something I am ashamed of, but it is not something I have never shared with my partner, or he with me. I would like to someday, and to masturbate together. The thought really turns me on! I am sort of ashamed to admit I don’t know if he ever masturbates. After over 20 yrs of a very intimate relationship, sexually and otherwise…seems weird to not know that, but we just never went there, I guess. I just have always respected his privacy in that regard, and vice verse.
From Stiletto Heel
I must concur with the person who posed the original question and say that I’ve been with the same individual for umpteen years, I must admit that I have always masturbated even in the beginning when the sex was more novel and consistent—as of late with a blue jelly vibrator thankyouverymuch. I too have never thought of myself as a perv but never knew how common the act of masturbation was. Everyone does it and I respect those who own up to it. “I do it best for me!” That’s my mantra…nothing is a replacement for the real deal BUT masturbation helps perfect technique, endurance and control…I enjoy it!
From Alex
It’s wonderful to read such happy and healthy stories about masturbation. I love to masturbate and do so several times a week, sometimes twice a day. My wife and I have been married for over 10 years, but in the midst of raising a family, work, school and other daily chunks of chaos, our sex lives at times don’t mesh. That’s when a good session of self love is in order. I find that masturbating to my thoughts is the healthiest and happiest thing.
From Camber
As a married woman in her late 30’s I make masturbation a part of my daily ritual. I take extra time in the shower every morning. I have a detachable shower head and sit down in the seat in my shower. I sit back and spread my legs and let the water pulsate on my clit, it really starts my day off right. When I have more time and the kids are gone, I love to light some candles and put on a sexy pair of high heels. I lay back against my pillows and either use just my fingers or a vibe. I love to take my time and have an amazing orgasm. Masturbating is very important to me and makes me feel so good. I love sex with hubby, but I can always count on self loving!
From Lin
We are in our late forties, married for nearly 25 years, and both my husband and I masturbate when we have our ‘private’ moments in our relationship. I use a mix of fingers and vibrator and fantazise about being fucked by a young very good looking guy with a long fat cock.My husband will masturbate in his den over images in a mag or porn video. We find nothing wrong with jerking off as individuals since we always join up in our marriage bed for some very satisfying sex together two or three times a week.
From Kathy
I wonder how many other women have had this experience. I’m in my mid-40s now, happily married for almost 25 years, and I find myself masturbating more—and enjoying it more—than I ever have before. It’s not just that my husband has slowed down some, although he has, but that I’ve speeded up, and that I look forward to the times when I can masturbate, not as a substitute for intercourse, but as a genuinely pleasurable and completely satisfying act.We do masturbate together sometimes, but the best times are when I’m alone. I’ve given myself some of the best orgasms I’ve ever had lately. One of the consolations of perimenopause, I suppose.
From Mary
No, no, no! People, please realize that the key to monogamy is a loving, and sexual relationship that satisfies all senses so that masturbation is unnecessary. To masturbate is a sin against marriage and God.
From Beth
Masturbation is the key to monogamy, I’ve come to believe, and the secret to a happy sexual life in marriage. If we couldn’t play in our heads with our fantasy lovers, we’d be having affairs left and right. I’ve been married for 27 years to the same man, and we’ve both been faithful to each other. And we both masturbate, in addition to our sex life together.
Back in our 20s, after we’d been married for just a few years, I found a Penthouse in my husband’s nightstand, and got upset about it. Why was he masturbating to fantasies of these women when he had me, I wanted to know? Because there were urges that were outside our marriage, he said, urges that were his alone, places in his head where he wanted to go by himself. I didn’t completely accept that at the time, but then I got pregnant. Other women I’ve spoken to have said the same thing about pregnancy – once you get past the first trimester, you’re unbelievably horny. All that blood engorged down there – I finally understood what a teenage boy must feel like. I hadn’t masturbated all that much before our marriage, but I started doing it constantly – at least once a day, sometimes more. And I started to understand what my husband meant.
After my daughter was born, I kept masturbating. It became another, regular part of our sex life. And the older I’ve gotten, the more important that solitary time has become to me, the richer my fantasy life has grown. We still have wonderful sex together, but my husband knows how much I look forward to Tuesdays and Thursdays – the nights he works late and doesn’t come home until after I’m asleep, and have enjoyed some time in bed alone. “How many?” he always asks me the next day, and I smile as I tell him – two or three, or even four wonderful orgasms, just my hand, my head and me.
It’s taken me 50 years to masturbate as well as I do now. It’s very private for me–my wife doesn’t know.
Married 13 years and now in my late 60’s, my libido is still high while my wife’s has ebbed significantly, and the emotional issues we’re uncovering drive us apart more often than not, and so my thrice-weekly yen needs tending.
By being good at it, I mean that I’ve learned what I like. For years I would frot a pillow, but I couldn’t come by hand. Over the last 3 or 4 years, though, I’ve gained in expertise. My erections go away if not cared for, and too much edging will make me raw and unable to ejaculate. Toys from Tenga–their eggs and their flip-holes–provide me the best orgasms ever, at my desk, SO intense, much more so than with any partner. Having something to ejaculate into helps a lot. I do use porn–fave sites are joymii, hegre, and masturtbatorsanctum. I do like handjob porn on redtube and ponhub.
I alluded to partners because I do seek the company of sex workers, and have a few regulars, and they tend to be older and must be natural. I get both massage and intercourse. I love hand jobs–like masturbation–but sometimes I just need the thrusting that intercourse provides.
I agree with many other members when they say masturbation is a part of a healthy sex life.. My first wife considered my76 masturbation as cheating on her. I could not get across to her that masturbation is a normal part of male sexuality.. My current wife is different. however, I had to win her over to the joys of masturbation. First, she allowed me to masturbate in front of her. Then using my fingers and eventually my tongue to show her the joys of a real orgasm. Now we masturbate regularly. If one is too tired, the horny one can masturbate in front of the other. Later, I bought her a vibrator. It was love at first sight. Then, unbelievably, she finally loves porn, both lesbian and straight, as I do. She has developed into a complete sexual being. I am now the luckiest guy on earth. So guys, if your; lady does not masturbate, teach her.