In The Soup
by Nikki Isaak © 2005

I:  Abandoning the soup opera.

I was better off unconscious on that raft. The emaciated amnesiac stared into the orangish VegSoup Sea. If only my "rescuers" were sane...

But they weren't.

The Captain's wife, a boozy big-titted floozy, banged the Second Mate down below, unaware that her husband now knew about the affair, told by his garrulous psychic parrot, Garrett.

On the deck, the schizophrenic Cook reprogrammed his ex-boyfriend's sex-bot, changing the bot's setting from "cock-sucker" to "cunt-licker," while his ex sat in his cabin, masturbating to subtitled Samoan porn.

The amnesiac decided. He retrieved the carrot raft.

II:  How to defuse an atomic blonde.

"Toss it overboard," the schizophrenic Cook told Ash, his ex.

Ash punched a button in his sexbot's control panel. "Bruce isn't just a bot. He loves me."

Sure, thought the Cook. Then "I'm sorry. If I'd known that reprogramming 'Bruce' would turn it, er, him into a time bomb, I wouldn't have—why does he have an anti-tampering mechanism? He's a sex-bot."

"Remember the 'Manchurian Blonde' model that tried to assassinate the President? That's why."

Seeing that Ash wasn't going to change his mind, the Cook brought a wrench down on Ash's head.

"You left me no choice." The Cook dragged the bot towards the ship's rail.

III:  Murder and fire.

The blood-spattered Captain licked a strawberry ice cream cone, watched the Cook struggle with the bot.

The Captain had meant to kill these sailors, too—there could be no witnesses to his murdering his wife, the Second Mate and Garrett the psychic parrot—but then this bomb business had come up, and he felt so tired suddenly...

The bot exploded. Celery-skinned dolphins joyfully mated in the orangish glow of the burning ship.

 _______
© 2005 Nikki Isaak. All rights reserved. Content may not be copied or used in whole or part without written permission from the author.

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