The Vow

by Oxartes © 2010

"Be not rash with your mouth, and let not your heart be hasty to utter a word before God...When you make a vow unto God, defer not to pay it; for He has no pleasure in fools; pay that which you vow.  Better that you should not vow, than that you should vow and not pay.  Suffer not your mouth to bring your flesh into guilt..." Ecclesiastes 5:1-5

Sam Gold and I helped his elderly father Max out of my van early Monday morning.  Sam unlocked the front door of the bakery and put on the lights.  Max took my arm and we walked to his regular table in the corner.  Sam laid down the morning papers—the Times, the Daily News and the Post—on the table for Max and went to brew some coffee.

I sat at another table and took out the book that Rabbi Asher had given me.  I glanced over at Max who had already gone to the sports headlines on the back page of the Post.  You had to admire the old guy.  Ninety-years-old and he still went to 05:45 morning prayers at Rabbi Asher's synagogue every day.  You were never quite sure where Max was at any given moment but he was fiercely proud of being as mobile and independent as he was.  He'd sit there most of the day, ensconced in his corner, reading his papers, occasionally greeting someone, waiting for his many grandchildren to come greet him on their way to and from school.  Not a bad way to spend one's old age if you ask me.

Sam came out with the coffee.  "Here ya' go Pop," he said, filling Max's mug, "How'd the Yankees do last night?"

"Bahhh!!!" Max grumbled from behind the Post, "Don't remind me.  Where's Roger Maris when you need him?"

Sam and I smiled as he came over and poured me a cup.

"Thanks."

"What's Rabbi Asher got you reading now?"

I held up my book, about faith and Shabbat observance.

"Good luck," Sam replied, "You know that Hannah and I admire you.  It can't be easy doing what you're doing."

"What?  Becoming religious?"

"Changing your whole way of life, at age thirty-two.  No, it can't be that easy."

"Ehh.  I do what I have to."

"Still."  Two of Sam's employees rapped on the door.  "Ah, there they are.  Gotta go boil 'n' bake."  He went over to let them in.

"Hey Max!  Hey 'private dick'!" Roscoe called to Max and I as he and Joline followed Sam into the kitchen.

"Roscoe," I replied, "I will kick the shit out of you one of these days."

"Yeah, yeah," he called back.

"Just bring me a whole-wheat plain as soon as you got it!"

"Don't I always?" he yelled.

I chuckled and opened my book.

I had been an NYPD cop for eight years but I quit after Leslie died.  Rabbi Asher was the Brooklyn Command's Jewish chaplain.  He helped me sit shiva for her: He told me what to do and organized everything.  Going to his synagogue to say kaddish for Leslie—we had no kids, her Dad was dead and somebody had to say it for her—was the first time I had been inside a synagogue or temple since my brother's bar-mitzvah. 

From sitting shiva for Leslie, I started to become religious, i.e. orthodox, under Rabbi Asher's tutelage.  It just kinda happened.  Little by little, God crept into my life.  I shocked the hell out of just about everybody who knows me.  But it seemed natural and I was happy.

So I quit the NYPD, passed the New York State Private Investigator's licensing exam and hung out a shingle.  I was much happier as a PI, Roscoe's smart remarks notwithstanding.  Ah hell, Roscoe was a pal.

A few minutes later, I was enjoying a fresh, hot whole-wheat bagel, when Meyer Silverstein rapped on the door.

"Sam's not open yet!" I shouted.

"I don't want bagels.  I wanna talk to you!" he shouted back.

"Let him in," Sam called out.

I let Meyer in.  He waddled over to my table and sat down.

"You could have come to my office later," I told him.

"What?  I'm gonna walk up two narrow flights in that old rat-trap?"

I smiled.  "What can I do for you?"

"Ner Israel wants me to knock down this dilapidated old five-storey apartment building over on Fourth and build a new wing for their girls school."

"Nu?  What do you need me for?"

"'Cause I think someone's living there.  I hired some Dominicans to go check it for stuff that I could rip out and sell before I wreck it.  You know, copper pipes, old fixtures, shit like that.  They said that some crazy lady in a long dress, a fuckin' ghost for cryin' out loud, screamed at them, upset their tools, knocked masonry down on them and who knows what else.  They got spooked and ran off.  The only ghost is in their Thunderbird-addled brains!  Somebody's living there.  Find her, I'll pay her, just get her outta the building.  I got deadlines.  Can you imagine the stink if I knock it down and kill some 'streetperson'?  Oy, I'll never get to build!  I spoke to Rabbi Wasserman at Ner Israel; we'll pay your standard fees."

"Deal."  We shook hands.

"Here's the address."  He gave me a card.  "You'll be in touch?"

"I'll let you know."

"Good.  'Bye Max!"

Meyer waddled out.

Max held out a hand from behind his paper.  "Ah, I remember that little pisher when he was this high."

I grinned, took a bite out of my bagel and went back to my book.

Part II, Fiend in Need

_
Author's Notes for The Vow:
1) Roger Maris: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roger_Maris
2) Shabbat (the Sabbath): http://www.jewfaq.org/shabbat.htm
3) Bagels: See http://www.bageloasis.com/.  (See also http://www.kitchenproject.com/history/bagels/bagels.htm)  Note: A "steamed roll with a hole" IS NOT a bagel.  If it ain't boiled, it ain't a bagel, period.  The foregoing is a matter of fact, not opinion; therefore, it is NOT subject to debate. :-)
4) Sitting "shiva", the kaddish prayer & Jewish mourning: http://www.jewfaq.org/death.htm
5) Becoming a PI in New York State: http://www.dos.state.ny.us/lcns/pimain.htm
6) "Nu": http://www.jewfaq.org/yiddish.htm#Words
7) Thunderbird: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Low-end_fortified_wine
8) beit din (rabbinical court): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beit_Din
9) The Jewish view of vows: http://www.myjewishlearning.com/daily_life/Speech/TO_Types_Speech/Vows.htm
10) New York City Buildings Information System: http://www.nyc.gov/html/dob/html/bis/bis.shtml
11) Brooklyn College: http://www.brooklyn.cuny.edu/pub/
12) The Jewish view of ghosts: http://ohr.edu/yhiy/article.php/1678  (See also http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ibbur
13) kabbalah: http://www.jewfaq.org/kabbalah.htm
14) meshuga: http://www.fortunecity.com/millenium/southwater/113/Yiddish.htm
15) Hebrew Free Burial Association: http://www.hebrewfreeburial.org/index.html
16) Jewish graves & graveside etiquette: http://www.jewfaq.org/death.htm#Tombstones  & http://www.myjewishlearning.com/lifecycle/Death/Burial_Mourning/TombstoneUnveiling.htm

© 2010 Oxartes. All rights reserved. Content may not be copied or used in whole or part without written permission from the author.

Bio: Oxartes, 47, is the married papa (proud, on both counts!) of two children. He is a professional copyeditor and proofreader who has discovered that he like to write erotica as a hobby. "Writing is like therapy," he says.

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