Swing Clubs
What Goes On At These Parties?

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From Jay
Re: Ghost Rider [see entry below] I can't answer for young couples but hubby and I have been married for just over thirty years and we thoroughly enjoy swinging and have no moral hang-ups about it. We're not heavy swingers, once or twice a month, mainly with the same group, mainly long term marrieds. 

We got into it about three years ago when we fantazized about sex with strangers while making love, eventually deciding to do something about it, going to a club one evening full of fear and anxiety only to enjoy it, meeting a couple our age who invited us to join their group. 

As a result over the years I guess I've partnered with about thirty men, old, young, tall, short and had some amazing sexual experiences which I've used to good effect in lovemaking with hubby. Our marriage is no less stronger than before, we still love each other and in bed are much more adventurous sexually than before we started swinging.

From Ghost Rider
Don't care for them. Why be married if you want to swing. This is something that a single person should be involved in instead of a married person. Why be married if you want to go to bed with every woman (or guy) that you encounter. A person that swings doesn't take his or her marriage vows serious, to my way of thinking. 

Being married is all about having found that special person to spend your life with, forsaking all others and trying to make that person happy for the rest of your life. Swinging is using marriage as a shield that you can run hide behind instead of being labeled as a loose, immoral person. 

In my opinion, a person has a wide field to play in with out being classed as loose or immoral until it comes to being a swinger. My opinion is very narrow here and one-way as hell.

From Ted
Despite never having swung before, I can see how easy it is to partner swap these days when you're on vacation, in full relax mode, in a different form of reality, perhaps fantasy, and meet another attractive couple, as we (Ted and Lou) did (in a restaurant). Same age as us, mid-30s, married for about the same number of years (we're 10, they 8), they (Steve and Jo) had the same sort of interests, sense of wacky humor, and we were very keen to meet up with them the following day. 

Third evening, we were in bar, after a great meal, when the band kicked off with some great rock and roll and we all got up to dance, me with Jo and Lou with Steve. Six songs later the band slowed it all down, and we were slow dancing. Maybe they had planned it but Jo pressed her stomach against mine and it wasn't long before I had a hard on and her fingers were soon massaging my erection through my pants. Lou was necking Steve, the full french kiss, and Jo and I soon did likewise. 

When we eventually returned to the table, Steve invited us back to their hotel and both Lou and I were very keen. There we had a foursome and some very enjoyable sex, repeated with them through the end of our vacation three days later. Now back home, we've already agreed to meet up with them one weekend at our hill country cabin, and have joined an online swing club to experiment, see if we like.

From Lizzie
Excuse the long story, but as a couple (Lizzie and Nick) who indulged in some light swinging back in the summer (and continue to enjoy occasional partner-swaps) perhaps we could add out two cents worth?

We are in our late fifties, very happily married, very well balanced, still pretty slim, healthy non-smokers and, yes, very much into our sex, and very much one-on-one ‘til our recent experience.

Many years ago the kids had long grown up and flown the coup so we eventually decided to go for early retirement, sell the house in IL and move south to FL where we bought an apartment in a newish condo. Result of that was our making some new friends, many of them younger than us, happily married professionals in media, dentists, architects, and teachers, first around the pool then later at cookouts.

It slowly became obvious to me and Nick that some of the couples were into swinging. Once we’d gained their trust we were invited to join them at one of their regular Saturday night parties. We laughed and politely declined saying something about ‘being a bit to old for that sort of thing’. We couldn’t have sounded very convincing since we got a few phone calls from some of the couples begging us to join and add some ‘new blood’, dispelling our fears for our health by confirming that everyone was into safe sex and the atmosphere at the parties was all about relaxation, not intimidation, with no predatory guys.

Nick and I discussed it and we eventually said ‘yes’ on the basis that if we didn’t like what we saw or was asked to do, we could hightail it! So, very unsure of ourselves, very cautious and very much on our guard we arrived at the party. I won’t go into the detail but we swung with three couples, as we were new blood it looked like they were all lining up! I found it a bit strange at first to be kissing a man other than hubby, opening pant zips and stroking then sucking on a stranger’s cock! However it wasn’t too much of a hardship as guy #1 was early thirties and good looking with a toned body. Maybe it was the slut in me but I soon relaxed, ran a rubber onto his cock and enjoyed being fucked by a young good- looking guy.

Then it was over and we returned to the party. And that was the oddest thing about swinging I guess. It’s all a bit impersonal. Guys #2 and #3 were just as friendly, gentle and totally non-threatening, and all three were probably more aware of where my clitoris was located than hubby Nick! As far as I was concerned I enjoyed it, the sex was safe, the wives and husbands all very friendly and welcoming and I own up to be very satisfied with young guys making love to me!

Nick was also impressed, enjoyed his sex but we decided not to go gaga. As a result we’re not into industrial strength swinging and don’t go to every Saturday night party (if we did I’m sure it would soon get a little tacky for us). However the two of us have decided to take a greater interest in our looks and we’re working out in the gym most days, I’ve acquired some short skirts and naughty Nick’s developing fantasy is that I meet one of the hubbies in the elevator, it stalls, and I give him some socko head!

From Rosie
Like Anne & Phil [see entry below] we also live in the UK and we are in our early sixties and we swing. Why? Because we like sex and because we've been married since 1960 and our own sex life was as flat and boring as a pancake! Now we have a number of very sexy partners, are constantly meeting new like-minded couples and singles, mainly men, often young very good looking ones!

I guess we could still be sitting in front of the fire with our hot chocolate living an awful life or going behind each other's back for some sleazy sex. This way we are open and honest and we've never had a more enjoyable time. We still love each other as much as before, have no intention of splitting up, and our own sex life has totally changed and is now very satisfying, thanks to our experiences with other partners!

From Jay
My wife and I are in our late 30's she is 37 and is a manager in a office and I work in IT. and I'm 39. This was in New Orleans we went on vacation during Mardi Gras. which if you haven't been to its just a great party time. (can get a bit dodgy but on the whole its ok). My wife got bead necklaces which again if you haven't been to, ladies get them by showing their breasts.

One particular evening we met the couple in the hotel room next to ours. they where coming in and we were go out. The following evening we bumped into them and they invited us to a show. The show was a bar really, the husband of our new friends taps me on the shoulder and says this place has rooms upstairs which you have to sign in for and basically figured it out to be a swing club upstairs with a cabaret and bar downstairs. our friends where in their late 40's by the way. He had most of the time big grin on his face and she looked pretty hyper too. So what happened upstairs well not allot really because the other part you had to be members and we where not.

There was however a stage at the back, with a man with a microphone. my wife was picked, plucked from the crowd, to come up on stage. And you had to see it to believe but a gap from where we where standing to the stage opened, it was a little surreal. Next thing, it seemed that quick I am in the crowd looking at my wife on stage, he asks here her name, people are cheering. And I was thinking I didn't want her to show here breasts in front of all these men. Anyways a chair comes out from the side and my wife Lyn sits down, 20 dollar bill appears which it is announced to cover expenses. So I was watching an act, one that was probably performed every night but one I was seeing for the first time. So 3 cards come out, she picks one, and it is read out 'Toe Job' more cheers. Another guy comes on stage and I missed where he came from or how he got picked. He sits in front of my wife on the floor, picks up one ankle and takes off one high heel, takes her other ankle and her other shoe and holds her feet. cant really see but his head suggests he is licking her left toe through her black nylon tights.

Then the pre-set part piece and hence the giving of 20 dollars the guy tears tights over her toes and proceeds to give her a proper toe job.

I digressed slightly, but can see 100% that swinging and the like and watching can be 100% titillation.

From Marie
Jolie may be right about swing clubs. What we found was that all the couples at the clubs we visited back in the nineties (three) were v young, consuming vast amounts of booze, very little sophistication, pushy and loud! Now to balance that, at one club, my husband (who happens to be bi) and I partnered with three other couples and the men were all well behaved, tender and respectful, as well as being darn good lovers!

However, hubby and I decided that we would prefer to partner with couples of our own age and background (we both teach at universities) and via a few web sites we have found a dozen or so similar-to-us couples, plus a few single bi men, all of whom are now our friends and loving people with whom we have very healthy, enjoyable and satisfying physical relationships.

From Jolie du Pre
I've reread some of the messages in this thread. If your turned off by swing clubs, that's your view. Some of us have enjoyed them. My husband and I aren't big watchers. We jump right into the action, usually with people who are a lot younger than us. We like young and beautiful when it comes to playing. They like us too, so it works out.

I would never tell people to stay clear of swing clubs. Visit one and make your own choice. And if you have negative feelings about swing clubs, then you shouldn't go to one in the first place. Don't bring others down because you don't have your shit together. You need to be confident in why you're there. Confident people have a good time. The ones that aren't usually end up doing something they don't want to do, or they're too scared to do what they really want to do.

From Ann & Phil
Like Marie [see next entry] we are also in our fifties and would never dream of going to a swingers club. We actually live in England, place called Guildford, near London, and thanks to a chance meeting with another couple of our age on a cruise three summers ago we would not now be very willing swingers!

Without wishing to be too snooty we soon learnt you swing with professional middle class couples - that way you get successful enjoyable sex with cultured well behaved and caring partners.

From Peter Draggin
My wife and I, being sexually adventurous types, have been to probably 30-40 different swing clubs in the US and in Europe. By and large our experiences have run the gamut from immediately walking out of some of the clubs to not wanting to leave others. We've had a great deal of fun.

The key to having a good time is to know what you are looking for and to be clear with each other as to what your limits are. Swing clubs are definitely not for the non-sexually adventurous or the anal retentive types, clench-butts or the morally judgemental.

So if you are curious, try it out.

From MrT and Marie
My wife and I went to our first swing club in NYC, the Trepeez. When we first went there we were amazed of what we had been talking about actually really did go on there. Swing clubs are like this:  

The crowd changes all the time. Sometimes the crowd is young, middle age or older. My wife and I were in our mid 30's when we started and I'm telling you that we have engaged in sexual acts with other couples and it has been great for our relationship. I mean my wife is drop down gorgeous and I'm a former bodybuilder who looks petty good if I do say so.

But when we go to these clubs were looking to get loose and just have a good time and fulfill some wild sexual fantasies that we have. The other people don't have to look like models and we really don't care what kind of work they do or where they live. We just want to get crazy sex wild with them and then give them a kiss on the cheek say thank you and move on and have a drink and maybe meet up with another couple. 

Hey, we're already married and in love with each other. We're just looking to have good sex. The type of job you have or the amount of money you have doesn't have anything to do with being able to throw some good pussy or slam some good dick around. 

So my advice is this: Go to the clubs open minded to just meet people with common interest, and who knows maybe you'll have one of the wildest, craziest sexual encounters of your life. I know my wife and I did and man when we got home we screwed our brains out of each other all over again. The clubs are great.

From Anonymous
My ex and I had been bedroom talking for years about sharing with another couple and then about a year ago, she became more into talking about another woman with us. I was very cautious and continued sharing talk of sex with a couple rather than a threesome. One night, we had really gotten ourselves very hot with the swinging and right in the middle of a deep, hard stroke into her wet cunt, she says "pull out! Pull out! This is not just bedroom talk, I really want to get another couple or woman and all three of us just fuck all night. Call that place you saw on the internet. I want to take another dick in my cunt." One phone call the next day and we were on our way. We arrived, both a little nervous of what to expect. We had been frequenting nude resorts for years and had pushed the envelope about as far as we could with overt sexual touching and light penetration in the pool, so this really was exciting and not the least embarrassing when we got naked.

We started in the spa just watching as several couples were performing oral and my ex slid into the water and starting to suck my cock. Then it was my turn and I licked her until she asked me to stop as she didn't want to come so soon. The spa was hot so we joined everyone at the dining area and soon couples paired off to the pool and swing room and my ex sat in front of me with her legs up and open exposing her shaved pussy. I couldn't resist and licked her right there. Soon we were in the pool with about 10 other couples and the temperature was nearing the boiling point. My ex struck up a conversation with another woman regarding how I just didn't understand how good it felt to have a woman between her thighs and the conversation continued for sometime getting more and more explicit. We moved around toward the shallow end and I was behind rubbing my cock against her ass when she bent over and took me right into her wet pussy. Everyone was watching which made things really hot and had several comments of some of the women wanting to take my dick as their mates couldn't get it up in the pool.

We moved into the swing room and preceded to have some of the greatest sex of our 20 years together. At one point, my ex became really interested in watching 2 other guys giving oral to their mates and wanted to move closer. We watched at almost point black range when the woman from the pool conversation approached and my ex just spread her legs wide open and the other woman started on my ex's clit with the greatest little vibrator and soon had inserted her finger in my ex's cunt. The other woman asked if I wanted to join in and I stuck my hard cock up my ex's cunt and then she proceeded with the vibrator and then started licking both of us that brought about the hottest cum that I can remember. My ex was screaming louder and louder "fuck my cunt! fuck my cunt!, which drew quite a audience.

Even though we are no longer together, we have gone back to the swing spa and have had some really great sex but none that will ever "cum" close to the night I just described. If you have never been to a swingers club/spa it sure can be a fantastic experience. I really think that had we gone sooner, we might still have been together. I guess that I will have to be happy with an occasional visit with the ex.

From Marie
I guess the word is 'club'. When we have swung on the odd occasion in recent years then we've done so at a private party in a house where we've known most of the couples (other long time marrieds like us). At a swing club, five years ago, we found the atmosphere definitely more urgent, threatening, more exploitative, the couples younger (we're mid fifties) and we were very disappointed. So, if you wish to swing our advice is - steer clear of clubs, home in on private parties your friends hold.

From Sexyswinger
I have been to 3 different off premise swing clubs in the Toronto region - there are dozens here for all ages and desires.

I have to say, I'm solidly hooked. I go with my husband, sometimes we go with another couple, sometimes we go with another male friend we play with. I love preparing for it, planning the evening, getting dressed, deciding which underwear not to wear. I love going when there are other single men allowed - I find I have much better luck and generate a bit of a fan club on the dance floor. I love dancing so it allows me to bump and grind and get extremely aroused before deciding with which man, woman or couple to take it the next level.

Because of the strict rules of conduct, I feel it is a safe place to explore my sexuality - certainly everyone who attends is like minded, sexual beings. It certainly adds to our marriage and our self esteem.

From Jolie du Pre
Hubby and me visit a swing club in Illinois that we like. The owners are really cool and friendly. I don't know how many men or women I've "had" at the club, but in order to do this lifestyle you need to have your shit together. My marriage is strong, and so are the marriages of the people we meet at the club. Those who don't have a strong unit, don't last.

The club is basically white. I'm usually one of the few blacks. But no matter, the whites I meet love chocolate!

From SilkyWmn
Hello, this is my first time post here but this topic is something I couldn't pass up. My husband and I have been swinging for about 6 yrs and we are in our twenties. We attend a Monthly swing club in Nebraska. They have themes to dress to to make it fun. It is "Off Premise" but held in a great hotel. There is about 300 people that attend every party. The people which range from 19-50 and always see new faces. We have been attending this same club from Sept. 02' every month. We go even if we are not intending to play. It is held in a reception hall with a professional DJ, and food.

I would recommend if you do attend to go to a club and not a house party. There is quite a few in the area but this one is the best of all. They give out prizes they let us vendor the party with our adult items.

They have "rules" like any other club, here is the rule at one club

RULES OF THE GAME!

• This list of rules is intended to orient those who wish to participate in our club. Anyone violating the rules set forth will not be invited back!
• All guests must be registered to attend!
• No Walk-Ins Allowed!
• You WILL NOT be let into the party without being on the guest list. Sorry!
• For the safety of all involved we must check photo id's at the door. You must be 21 to attend.
• Confidentiality and Discretion are a must!
• All guests will be required to sign a non-disclosure confidentiality agreement when attending a function for the first time. If you do not wish to sign this agreement, we cannot let you into the function.
• We will STRICTLY enforce NO MEANS NO.
• Please respect others boundaries and wishes.
• At no time will any member harass another member.
• If you are signed up as a couple, you MUST come as a couple.
• No Camera's or Video equipment, no matter how much fun it would be! This is for the privacy of all involved.
• No weapons or drugs are strictly prohibited! If you are caught you will be removed IMMEDIATELY and the authorities will be notified.
• No Public Nudity! NO FLASHING! NONE! ANYWHERE! In the party area, hallways, lobby, pool area, or any other place persons NOT associated with our group could see you. If this rule is violated, you will be asked to leave immediately!

Since our club meets in various locations... we are considered an off premise club. This means no public displays or encounters. When we hold our functions in a hotel setting, we will provide a hospitality suite for those not staying over. Visiting the club does NOT guarantee or imply an type of encounter. Any type of encounter is by mutual consent only. Guests are liable for all or any encounters. You will be asked to leave if these rules are violated.

I say at least visit one club and see if you like it. Just sit back and watch the first time. Sign up to any swinger sites and get to know people that attend the clubs. Visit http://www.nasca.com and see where a swinger club is near you.

From Christian Brinner
We've visited a couple... Our experience with them has been less than exciting. We've found that the majority of the people at each were very unattractive physically, and not very appealing mentally either.

On the other hand, that's two clubs out of thousands and thousands in the U.S., so I'm sure there are much nicer places out there—we just don't happen to have found them.

For purposes of your research, both that we attended were off-premise, so there wasn't much need for etiquette rules to oo much of an extreme. It was more like any other public place; be polite when meeting people, back off if they don't want to dance/talk/etc.

By "off-premises" I mean that there's no sex on-site—people use the club as a place to meet up and go elsewhere, but sexual interaction isn't allowed on-site.

Down here in Texas, I think the choice to do it this way (no pun intended) actually revolves around liquor licenses—if the club wants to serve alcohol they aren't allowed to have full nudity or sexual interaction going on, something like that. I don't know much about the specifics, unfortunately.

Or maybe fortunately, who knows?

From Teresa
I went to one once. It was a swing club party at someone's house. I'll tell you what happened. I was 20, everyone else there was at least twice my age and kept referring to me as "the baby" which didn't do much for me. Four guys were relentlessly trying to get me to "play" and I didn't want to. I just wanted to check it out for my first time. It was rather annoying and I wasn't sure who the right people were to tell that I was being bothered.

Mostly the women were coupling up or three-ing up with some men mixed in. A lot of the men were chatting around the punch bowl. A few instances of sex, but mostly people chatting or watching. I left relatively early and apparently it got a little "wild" later on, as I was told. I may go again, but my first experience was not so good. It also seemed like everyone knew each other, so maybe you should go to the club or the meetings and familiarize yourself with the people before you go to a party. Who knows? Just one girl's account.

From Christian Brinner
From our experiences and other things that I hear, the cliquism at swing clubs seems to be a pretty consistent theme. They seem to be fairly close communities, and I've heard a lot of complaints from others that the cliques aren't quick to welcome the newcomers.

Unless, of course, the newcomers include a cute young chick that everyone in the clique wants to boff on first sight.

Teresa reminded me of something else as well—my wife and I are both 30, and at both clubs we visited I'd say we were very far on the young end. The median age seemed to be about 45, with the vast majority of folks between 40 and 50. That may just be a common demographic in our area, though.

From meranda Blue
It's been many years, but the last one I went to was not at all what I expected. It was real people, with fat and wrinkles and hair, having a good time with each other. All the sex took place in a basement room. The bar on top was like any other home town bar you might come across. It helps if you know someone there.

From Helena Settimana
We've been to three Toronto area swing clubs and to one sex club in the Netherlands.

I really enjoyed our experiences at one of the clubs - it was young-ish, Cosmopolitan and had many members who were significantly not white. Seems this is a bit of a rarity in clubs as a whole and something I appreciate. The operators were people of colour, had some class, were very nice-looking and attracted the same, and I was 100% comfortable as one of the older and larger partygoers.

The other club we visited is run by a couple who also come from the same part of the world. They are older and rather unattractive—particularly the man. He had a reputation of ignoring "No" from female partygoers. He's slimy.

Anyhow—the crowd they attracted tended to be older but upscale, their party location was simply elegant. Still, the hosts were repugnant and I found him to be untrustworthy based on his behaviour. Their parties are legendary, like something from a film, but for me, it was not worth the stress.

Since then we've been to a couple dances organised by other clubs. They're ok—but not really what I look for. Lots of younger people with big "mall" hair, claws and very 'common' attitudes. Call me a snob. I'm not into the suburban scene, but I realise I'm likely in the minority.

Out of the three, I liked the first group the best—obviously.

In all 3 cases though, the overall atmosphere was "no pressure." This works well for us as we tend to come to watch and play with each other. Any club worth its salt will welcome voyeurs IMO. If you're dealing with individuals though, the stakes are likely to be much higher as our experience has borne out. A club gives you cushioning - individuals have greater expectations.

We went to one club in the Netherlands. Same deal—voyeurs welcome and No means No.

Still, I come away with a sense that the whole scene is tawdry. I can't imagine, that if anyone in the group, say, were in that man's situation (facing an HIV test), that he'd be supported by anyone at all. It's not a poly thing. Caring really isn't there - it's sport fucking - which is fine, for what it is, but don't expect more. The people are of really mixed backgrounds so its not fair to generalise about education or socio-economic stuff. Of all the other couples I've met, my favourites are those like ourselves - tend to be non-players or those who are very fussy. We can hang out and enjoy the view - explore at our own speed.

I'm more interested these days in exploring the kink clubs. I think what I am searching for is more theatre, more art, more depth.

Check them out, by all means. There's an org called "Ontario Couples" which is a great place to start looking. You should find them by Googling the name. They're everywhere.

From Bob
I'm sorry, but was this a fight club, instead of a swing club? Or maybe by swing club they meant you could take a swing or two at the other guests. Except for the ethnicity of the guests, it could have passed for a few Irish wakes/weddings I've attended in my day.

From J.T. Benjamin
I haven't been to any professional swing clubs, the club experiences I've had have been private clubs ... a couple holds a swing party in their home and some of them do so on a regular basis—once a month or so. Pay a small entrance fee, go in, and socialize.

The only rule is, as Helena so eloquently put it, no means no. Socialize as much as you feel comfortable doing. Lots of people just go to watch. If somebody has a problem with that, they're welcome to find a quiet room and close the door.

My experience has been as far as the atmosphere goes, it's usually like a regular party in a private home, at least at first...meet someone, have a few drinks and snacks, chat for a while...eventually, sex might come up and it might not.

The only thing blatantly "we're not in Kansas anymore, Toto" I can recall is that condoms are usually in bowls at every opportunity, where you'd normally expect to see party mix or something.

As far as toys go, they're usually reserved for a special room ... you don't see them when you walk in, you've got to ask where you might find them, but they're usually there. I hope this helps.

From Dawnstar
I've been to 3 in the past 2 months—unfortunately I spent my time there only as a voyeur. I won't go into what made me go in the first place; but here's what happened and what I know...

Swinger's clubs cater mainly to couples, single males are heavily restricted but single ladies are "always welcome." The first place i went to w/ girlfriends to check it out and we were late and everyone had already hooked up. There were common rooms and private rooms and lots of fucking. It was an older crowd and not very attractive (but not because they were older) w/ some exceptions...90% white...yawn. It was weird because for a place that was supposed to be "deviant" (others opinion—not mine) the actual sex was somewhat vanilla ...not many sex noises even...and I wanted to see freaky shit. I did however meet a nice couple that talked to me about the various clubs and informed me of all the rules and such.

2nd place was closer to town, younger crowd but still a "couples" night. This one had a dungeon too. Got MANY offers. My girlfriend and I were being watched and the first man who talked to us, got the scoop, found out we were single and not gay and then we sat on a couch and received callers all night. No one interesting though, but there were more black men and black couples there. Want to go back to that one on a singles night...

3rd place was in FL—my friend had quite a time there once but alas; my single girlfriend and I might as well have been wallpaper. It was couples night but the only night I was in town that I could go, so I wanted to check it out. No action—but I had a Ron Jeremy sighting. Very amusing.

I also recently scanned a book in the bookstore called The Lifestyle. I forgot who wrote it but it may be worth a read for anyone interested in the lifestyle. I found out from the book (the writer was NOT a swinger and has been writing articles about it and doing research for a while) that the "rules" in these clubs include no male/male action and no anal sex. Also, the regulars seem to always "hook up" with the same folks over and over, safe sex is widely practiced and the incidence of STDS amongst the regulars seems very low. There was also some interesting stuff in the book about female sexuality—about how women crave multiple lovers, especially during ovulation and how civilization has repressed that. Also, in most swingers clubs and communities, women call the shots. At the second place, I met a man who had been in the scene since 1987 and he told me the night before a woman came in and asked to be set up with 3 or 4 black guys. The proprietors of these clubs want the patrons, especially women, to have a good time and if you are looking for something specific, they will try and accommodate you, and make the arrangements for you. Most are bring your own alcohol or no alcohol at all.

So check it out if you want—can't hurt. Voyeurs are welcome for the most part—those who want privacy go to the private rooms. Most also seem to have websites with all the info you need to join plus the rules.

From Helena Settimana
Interesting observations—the notion that single men are unwelcome, and single women are—is diametrically opposed to what we have been told by organisers of a couple of the biggest clubs in Ontario. In their opinion, single women are very unwelcome because they tend to be emotionally needy and can cause too much disruption in the established pair bonds within the culture. Women club members tend to be pretty militant about single women joining the group. They don't like it at all. Unless a woman comes as a plaything "toy" of an established couple, or as a poly partner she isn't coming in any way. Actually, the only time I have encountered a single woman as a player has been when she had been hired for the event—never as a real single—she was a pro.

Men tend to be more low-maintenance in the view of couples I've talked with. They tend to do their business and leave. Still, few clubs are truly welcoming to single men either. Seems to indicate to me that they feel if there are too many men, they won't get laid, go home unhappy and that won't work and they don't tolerate bi men so what's the use? It's stacked in a way that gets the guys laid by women and the women laid by whomever they can find.

You are right on about no M/M stuff—one person (almost a foot taller) told my husband he would personally "kill" him if there was any of "that" (no chance anyway *G*). I find the whole scene to be homophobic—at least as far as men are concerned. Women on the other hand are almost expected to be bi. I think the double standard sucks. Even if women might crave multiple partners, I really feel that the whole scene is set up almost entirely for the pleasure and entertainment of het men who crave as well - but I'm willing to bet that some of those 'straight' men crave something else as well.

I live in hope of discovering a more open-minded circle. The first group we met was perhaps the most laid-back. I'd go back, but the organisers dropped out of sight after 9/11 (lost a friend and for obvious reasons). I just heard from them—they are ok and are getting back to business. I can always send a report.

Interesting, isn't it, how different groups within the culture can have such different opinions on singles, eh?

From Graham
We never discussed partner swapping or swinging but as we liked our sex it was something unsaid that we’d do if the right conditions presented themselves. That moment came on holiday in September, we had a week in Sicily, met another middle aged couple, got on well with them, spending time on the beach with them and dinner in the evenings. By the middle of the week we had appeared to have paired off, although nothing was said, it simply developed and became a given, the confirmation coming when my wife and the husband left the beach one lunchtime, my wife simply telling me in a very matter of fact way that they were ‘just going into town, to the pottery, back later...’. 

Obviously they were going off for sex and that very fact sent a shiver of excitement through me, I knew my wife was attractive with a very outgoing and engaging personality and she liked her sex, was an exceptionally knowledgeable and satisfying sexual partner. The husband would not be disappointed. 

Sex with his wife was no less exciting. We assumed correctly that her husband had taken my wife to their hotel room. In mine, the wife and I made love a few times and engaged in mutual oral sex, a ‘69’. After that there was no pretence, we all felt very liberated, and the swapping was a regular feature of our day with sex two or three times before and after lunch and last thing at night. 

Once home my wife suggested we investigate partner swapping and while we haven’t done anything other than search the internet, we invited the couple from Sicily to stay with us a month or so ago, a very successful week, and we are going to stay with them for the New Year holiday.

From Dan
My wife and I had never swung before but we found ourselves earnestly discussing it a month or so ago when some very close friends of ours for many years, a mid age married couple like us, shocked us when they told us they had started to swing with a small select group (their description) of other professional mid age couples, and wondered if we would like to join them at the next party. 

We were both excited, aroused and very curious at the thought of meeting strangers for sex and our earnest discussions were more concerned with health issues and my possible jealousy at not just seeing my wife with another man but enjoying it, me becoming envious at her being visibly satisfied by another male, possibly one with a larger penis than mine, a male displaying greater staying powers than me. I had to admit that it was quite a problem for me. 

My wife is attractive and enjoys her sex and I have often fantasized about her being with another man, and now that it was about to become a reality I seriously wondered how I might cope. I also had a concern at her eagerness to want to go the party. Did it mean she was unhappy with my sexual performance? No, she said, it was simply the slut inside her. Underneath my worries was the threat that she might meet a sexual superman, desert me and bring to an end our successful 30 year marriage. My worries were unfounded, at least at this party. 

We swapped with three couples, same room (house rule) and she was bitterly disappointed with each. Despite using her mouth on all three men to arouse them and to get them fully erect, on penetrating her they each ejaculated prematurely, each leaving derisory amounts of semen inside her. We are not unenthusiastic about swinging since we enjoy our sex, are not particularly inhibited, and our friends have implored us to not reject outright the lifestyle based on just one party or group of people, but to attend half a dozen parties then decide if swinging is floating our boat. 

Our decision to persevere has been additionally influenced by our friends since we have now swapped with them (separate rooms) and based on my wife’s feedback that experience was obviously more satisfying for her. We go to our second swing party in a few weeks time with an open mind.

From Paul
Yes, going to church does it every time! Earlier this year my wife joined as a volunteer the church linked to our daughter's school. She is 38, slim and attractive and turns out most weekends and at least one evening to do 'good work'. She was absolutely shocked when one of the other mothers invited her and me to join her and her husband at a swing party. We weren't swingers and not very interested in the lifestyle, said 'no' to that invitation and a second a week later, but relented when we got a third a few weeks later. 

Of course, we enjoyed it. We were novices but soon became seasoned and we now swing most weekends with our small group, nearly all volunteers based at the church. The swinging has bonded us all, bringing us much closer as a group, all of us committed to supporting the work of the church.

From Pete
We have only been 'swinging' for six months, our first experience while on holiday in the Algarve for New Year's Eve. Since then we have discovered that most of the couples we have swung with started their new lifestyle following contact while on holiday. It seems that once away from home, in relax mode, some fine warm weather, scanty clothes that match the warmth, you meet a couple by chance, a bar or by the pool, you get talking, hubby begins to fancy your wife, you fancy his wife, you all go out for dinner and on the third occasion you sort of pair off, unsaid, unwritten, but you see your wife laughing, giggling, flirting, then kissing the other hubby. 

It doesn't feel at all wrong and you are, of course, yourself in relax mode with his wife. Then my wife says. 'let's all go back to ours, see what develops...' So we find ourselves in our apartment, on the bed, my wife sucking off the other guy, his wife sucking me off. Then later, we guys recover and through the evening hubby penetrates my wife once, then twice and a third time, in 'pussy' and anus, and I do likewise with his wife. 

Then, at 2 in the morning they leave, and wife and I look at each other, yes, we're swingers and have discovered a new lifestyle, and six months later we are both loving it!

From Victor
We fell into swinging quite by accident. We were on a month long sea cruise last summer when we met another mid- age couple, slim, good looking and great fun to be with. We started out as tennis partners, mixed doubles, then my wife played a few singles sets with the husband while I accompanied his wife either around the pool sunbathing, on the putting 'green' or in the ship's art gallery. It was on the fifth day when the two of us went to the restaurant for buffet lunch as normal, both of us expecting to see our respective spouses already there or soon join us. By mid-way through our main course they still hadn't showed and the wife said, I thought at first she was joking, that her husband had probably seduced my wife and they were in their cabin making wild passionate love. My only limp response was that he was very handsome fellow while she replied my wife was a very attractive woman so it was, she said, a case of 'putting two and two together'. 

As our conversation developed about our assumption that our spouses had coupled up for sex, she then dropped her 'bombshell', that she and hubby were active swingers, members of a small group back home of like-minded professional couples and the invitation was extended to swing with her and hubby while on the cruise. Having never swung I had no idea how to answer but quizzed her about what she and her husband got up to with their group and it was during that my wife and her hubby arrived in the restaurant. I flashed my wife a naughty smile and the look on her face, wink in her eye, clearly gave off that 'You know I know I've been up to something naughty' message.

Back in our cabin we discussed swapping with them and my wife was enthusiastic, having tasted the fellow's honey was keen to return to the honey pot for more. She described her lunchtime sexual experiences with him and that got both of us aroused, producing some very successful sex between us. So, after dinner with them we retired to their cabin where on their large bed with lighting dimmed we had our first foursome. 

At first it was a straight swap, my wife joining the husband, me joining the wife. Our sex also mirrored each other with my wife giving him an oral, his wife giving me one. After climaxing we had a rest, wives fixing hair and make up, us topping up drinks and lighting up large Havana cigars. Then back to the business in hand and my getting totally lost in making love to the wife, the husband concentrating exclusively on my wife. Lots of moans and groans of ecstasy, lots of 'fuck me, fuck me!' from both wives and an incredibly wonderful moment of climaxing inside my new sexual partner. After hubby had climaxed inside my wife, we rested then started a true foursome with both wives moving between us men eventually leading to us climaxing again inside each other's spouses. 

After that initial experience we settled into a very pleasant pattern which has us swapping after most lunch periods and certainly after dinner every evening for the remaining three weeks of the cruise. We were of course very discreet and I don't think any of our fellow passengers knew what we were up to, especially as we joined many of them on excursions, deciding that to stay on board might look a bit suspicious. 

Once the cruise was over my wife and I decided that we wanted to continue to swing but only with the right couples. We began our search using the Internet and while it hasn't been a complete success for a variety of reasons, travel and distances being one, we have created enjoyable relationships with four other couples of our age and background, and much to my wife's delight, we have had very successful 'threesome' sessions with some young single men. 

So far, so good, and our experiences have changed us in that we have expanded our horizons, we have 're-invented' ourselves, we are now more relaxed and friendly as a married couple, less argumentative, and feel very empowered, liberated, and sexually charged as a couple.

From Teri & Neil
We are in our fifties and thought we'd spice up our sex life with some swinging. We used a swingers web site for our first try, met two young couples, both staying with us for the weekend, very enjoyable introduction for me and hubby Neil to swinging. 

They recommended a club in Denver so we got round to trying it. Not as good as we thought it would be but we made two visits, the first shorter than the second, me meeting a young guy, going to a room where hubby was able to watch us thru a one way mirror. Our second visit was the following night, as it was a Saturday a bigger crowd, and we did two straight swaps with two other couples, both our age. 

We've tried swinging, we like it, swinging fits our lifestyle and we'll continue with it for the time being.

From Helen
My husband and I went to a party a few weeks ago, met other middle aged married couples like us and swung for the first time, our first extra-marital sex in over 25 years of marriage. We both found sex with total strangers very exciting and back home we discussed our experiences, me keener than my hubby on swinging again. 

My sex partner at the party has emailed me at work suggesting we meet up. My husband has told me to go ahead and meet him but for me the fun would be meeting other couples, young or our age, and swinging with them, not a fling 'on the side' with this guy.

Interesting to hear the views of others!

From Kay
I thought I'd do an update on my little note a few months back. Since that entry husband and I have swung on six occasions, all parties at friends or friends of friends, and we had one 'threesome' with a young guy (at our place). Result? Well, sex with hubby is far less rushed than before and we're more likely to mix positions. Hubby has a better idea where my clitoris resides, and a much better idea of how to excite my 'clit' and, therefore, me. I have a much improved oral technique and having experienced both cut and uncut penises, my preference residing with cut (hubby is cut). 

One partner had a short penis but it was fat and I learnt it's girth not length that sometimes can matter very much, the fat (plus rock-hard) nature of my sex partner's penis providing me with the most excitement as it pushed out the walls of my vagina. The threesome was especially enjoyable, a young man I'd met at one of the swing parties, incredibly well-endowed but I'd already learnt that girth mattered, not necessarily length. Afterwards I suggested to him he'd might like a threesome with me and hubby. He agreed and during the early part of the Sunday lunchtime session hubby was fascinated witnessing me being screwed by another male, a young Alpha male at that. Hubby eventually joined us and he was very positive, the session going so well he and our guest continued to service me through to the early evening. 

The parties we've attended have all been organized by our friends, or friends of friends. I always wear black seamed stockings and black lingerie to the parties, not that I want to look like a hooker, just that I really do find it personally very exciting to wear black undies in such a sexually charged atmosphere as found at a swing party! We've increased the frequency of our visits to the parties and via two swing websites we are hopeful we'll find a few more young men of the 'right' background and quality for further threesome sessions.

From Tony & Kim
My wife and I were both very surprised at how easy it was for us to swing for the first time. We were at a dinner party our friends were holding. On arrival we didn't know any of the other three couples, all our age, mid-fifties. Before eating we circulated amongst the others enjoying talking to new people. 

When we sat my wife and I whispered to each other that the other guests all appeared to swing and we looked at each other as if to say, 'are we going to join in?' Well, we did, our swap partners being chosen by matching up playing cards that were face down on the dinner table. Swinging wasn't too big a decision for us since both of us have good sex drives. 

It was more to do with feeling comfortable with having sex with a stranger, very exciting but until you get into the act of sexual intercourse with your new partner, all a bit artificial.

From Daniel
My wife and I swung for the first time at the weekend, after discussing it for the past few months. Like Rosemary [see Rosemary's entry below] we live in the UK and we went to a small discreet hotel deep in the South Wales countryside. There were half a dozen couples there, some younger than us (we are fiftiesomethings), most our age. The evening was 'black tie' and started with a Champagne reception where the ice was broken and we chatted to all the other couples. 

Then we had dinner, we sitting around two large round tables. My wife was clearly the interest of one of the husbands and I fell in by talking to his wife, and I learnt that they had been swinging for about a year. They were an attractive couple and after the meal we decided not to go the disco but to the bar. After an hour or so I got up the courage to pop the question, suggesting we swung. We decided to do it as a same-room foursome and this became a very successful introduction to swinging for both my wife and I. We decided to spend the next day with them and in the afternoon we swung again with them, only this time in separate rooms. 

Our last swap with them was after the evening meal on the last day of the weekend stay. We chatted with them over breakfast the following day before departing, exchanging contact details. On the drive home my wife was clearly impressed with our first swinging experience and obviously satisfied by her partner and she has already exchanged emails with him. It looks like he will be travelling on business in our direction soon so the suggestion is (if his diary allows) he joins us for a threesome in the evening after I get home from work, or my wife meets with him in the afternoon before he drives back.

From Rosemary
My husband and I swing but we do it very discreetly. We live in the UK, both in our early fifties and in senior managerial positions with the companies we work for. We have never been to a club and the only parties we’ve attended have been very small and intimate. We currently swing with three couples of our age (and I with a young single male).

At first we swung with just one couple but once hubby and I were assured we weren’t involved in something tacky we grew in confidence and spread our net a little larger. We took our time to find our first couple. We responded to over 30 ads in a mixture of magazines and internet sites. We whittled our list down to four couples and began to exchange emails and then, with one particular couple, exchanging photographs, eventually meeting them on neutral ground for a drink. They were (still are) also in managerial jobs, slightly younger than us, and appeared to be a good fit for us, leading to our inviting them to dinner, followed by our swapping partners and some enjoyable ‘same room’ sex.

From that very cautious start we became more confident and more relaxed, eventually swinging with our friends almost every weekend. From the start they had invited us to join them at a regular swing party they attended but we declined. After a few months we relented and were pleasantly surprised that the party was small, intimate and discreet. It resulted in us meeting two other couples who also became a remarkably good fit with us.

The single male was something of a bonus, our meeting him by accident while away one weekend with one of our couples. In his early thirties, we subsequently had two very successful threesome meetings with him but now I have a relationship with him that doesn’t involve my husband (with hubby’s approval).

So, why do swing? I’ll be the first to admit that my libido is slightly more developed than my husband’s and after two lengthy affairs with workplace colleagues (vibrant young men), an honest discussion with my husband confirmed we were still in love with each other and didn’t want the marriage to end. We agreed that swinging was an answer but we were very unhappy with the tacky image so decided not to rush into it, preferring to do lots of research first on the web, hence our discovering your site.

Libido or not we both have had a very big interest in sex and before and after our son was born my husband satisfied me without question, meeting all my sexual wishes and wants. It wasn’t until I changed jobs, meeting and working with younger men, that my focus on exclusive sex with my husband got lost. Even though we know our three couples very well now, sex with them is still new, different and exciting and, without being too rude to hubby, indulging in sex with four other men keeps me alert, fresh, sexy and for my husband there are never any ‘washing my hair’ nights and I know he’s never ever disappointed once I’ve finished with him.

From Dave
After spending a year discussing it my wife and I finally attended a swingers party on New Year's Eve we found on the Internet. It was a lot of fun and once back home we couldn't understand why we'd been so worried and cautious about swinging. Maybe it's our age, we're in our mid fifties. 

We were at the party about four hours and I guess my wife probably had greater fun than I did, partnering with three guys in separate sessions, although the two of us ended the evening joining a mass of bodies who were sucking and fucking. We have booked ourselves into another party and really looking forward to it, no worries now.

From Becky
Just before Christmas I was in Cyprus working on a major property deal, very intense few days. On the Thursday the deal was done, our new partners suggested a celebratory dinner and although tired I agreed, better than going back again to my hotel room and falling asleep. The dinner was excellent, wives joining husbands, me feeling a bit of a gooseberry and afterwards everyone agreed to going onto a club. 

What I didn't know until I got there was that it was a club for swingers. It was a very erotic atmosphere and at first I merely looked, resisting all invitations to join in. Eventually I gave in, checking my handbag to ensure the condoms my husband had given me for occasions such as this. The sex was pure exploitation but very enjoyable, especially the threesome, one guy inside me, the other in my mouth, both rubbered of course. Back home I took my experience to bed with me and hubby, he much enjoying my descriptions of the night's happenings in the club.

From J.T. Benjamin
More thoughts on living "Swingle"

Yes, the Lifestyle has its paradoxes and contradictions—female bisexuality is encouraged and almost expected, while male bisexuality is one of the few remaining taboos as far as single girls v. single guys goes, the former is encouraged, the latter almost completely discouraged, mostly for practical reasons, but they get to an underlying truth about swinging in general.

Single guys aren't encouraged to attend swing events because if they were, the man-woman ratio would be more than ten to one, which spells trouble for any social gathering.

That gets to the little surprise I've discovered about swinging; the common perception is that it's a man-driven phenomenon. Actually, in my experience, it's a form of gynocracy. (Yes, I got a thesaurus for Christmas.) Swinging is mostly a couples event, but women are usually the half of the couples in control.

At least, among the happy swinging couples I've known.

The woman sets the boundaries, the woman controls the action, and usually, the woman is the center of attention. Hell, my SO was even the one who brought up the subject. She asked what I thought of the idea and I half expected someone from "Candid Camera" to jump out of the closet. We both enjoy the experiences we've had, but believe me the day we quit is the day SHE gets tired of it.

By the way, "The Lifestyle" was written by Terry Gould. An interesting book, some interesting history to it, but it was definitely written by an outsider. A quick scan of Amazon.com mentions a book called "Recreational Sex" by Patti Thomas, which is more of an insider's view. I haven't read it yet, but I'm going to look for it.

• Recreational Sex: An Insider's Guide to the Swinging Lifestyle by Patti Thomas
  Available at Amazon.com / Amazon UK
• The Lifestyle by Terry Gould
  Available at Amazon.com / Amazon UK

From Dee
We're also in our fifties, got married in '78, and we swung for the first time, while away for the holiday. It wasn't totally unplanned, as the resort we stayed at has a name on the web as a swinger's hang-out, so I guess we were really up for it having discussed it a few times. 

We have a great sex life, all positions, but we thought we'd like to expand our experiences so swinging with the right couple was always an option for us. The couple we met were ten years younger than us, good looking, very funny, very relaxing and sexy and we had some enjoyable swaps with them in the week we were at the resort, all safe sex with rubbers of course. We're back now and hubby and I are very keen to continue swapping with a couple/couples who are a good fit with us.

From Teri
We returned to Cancun for the long Christmas weekend and for the first time in our 28 year marriage we swung. We didn't go there for that reason but my husband and I agreed we'd be receptive to any suggestions from 'right' couples we'd meet, but we'd not actively go looking. Round the pool, first morning, a couple (our age, fifties) started up a conversation with us leading to lunch with them and an invitation to join them for dinner that evening in their condo. We accepted and eventually, over dinner, they got round to talking about their 'lifestyle' and swinging. 

We told them we'd never swung before but wouldn't say 'no' to the right couple. So, we had sex with them, a foursome, with lots of switching and changing round by us all but very enjoyable, me experiencing a man other than hubby fucking me (including anal which really charged me up) for the first time almost 30 years. 

I came away from the encounter with a rosy glow, feeling very good about myself, uninhibited sex with a virtual stranger, giving him and me much pleasure, my ego boosted, feeling very horny, with some very satisfying sex to follow with hubby once back in our room. 

We then accompanied them to a swing party at another hotel, in a top floor suite. It was little more than an orgy, naked bodies everywhere, MM as well as MF action, so hubby and I left soon after arriving. Back home, we've discussed it and agreed to swing again, with the right couple, if we can find them.

From Christine
We went to our first swing party just after Thanksgiving, lots of sex, some of it good, but we’re not convinced it’s for us. We’re in our early thirties, married just five years, so guess we’re not the exact profile for swingers but we thought we’d give it a throw, see if it fitted. 

The main problem was condoms ­ I couldn’t get used to sucking this guy who had a fabulous fat cock but covered with a rubber. When he shot he took the rubber off and smeared his cum on my breasts and stomach, instead it would have been more satisfying for me to have the guy's cum in my pussy. 

Hubby had problems too, having no knowledge of rolling a rubber on his own cock, the two of us never having used rubbers/condoms in our regular one on one married sex. Guess we'll go to more parties and eventually get used to rubbers!

From Ian and Dawn
My wife and I had our first swing experience at a recent Thanksgiving party and came away having thoroughly enjoyed it. Our friends don't swing but their Sunday lunchtime parties are always very enjoyable, good food and wine, good company and conversation, with no obvious extra-marital activity, just the wives flirting and the husbands engaging in passionate embraces with other husband's wives during the slow dances. 

There were about 15 couples there, the usual crew, whom we've known for 30 years or so, we're all the same 50s age bracket. Champagne on arrival was eventually followed by the buffet, copious amounts of wine and a general spreading out across the two large lounges and games room. Our hosts put on some dance music, dimmed the lights, and a few joints were lit and passed round. 

I was engaged talking to one of the wives when I saw Dawn dancing, passionately kissing her partner, nothing unusual in that. A little later I bumped into her and she told me that at midnight most of the couples were going to partner swap, a few would leave, and what did I want to do? If she was up for it, so was I. 

A large bowl of condoms was produced and my wife took a handful and disappeared with her dance partner, a guy we've known for decades and not once did we suspect that he and his wife would ever swing, and they probably had the same view of us. Dawn had three sex partners that evening, I had two, we leaving the party at very close to three a.m. 

It was an amazing experience, we couldn't get over our boldness and honest desire to enjoy some extra-marital sex. Although we haven't swung since we are seriously considering some activity before our friends' next Sunday lunch party.

7/7/07

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