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Inside the Erotic Mind

This Season's Hot Topic

Losing Your Virginity
Fiction versus reality


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Losing Your Virginity

Fiction Versus Reality



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Good Vibrations

From Jane Noel
Owie, owie, owie that first time. He went where no man had gone before slowly and considerately (I had a really wonderful guy in my life at the time) and sex got much better within a week or so. But the first time? That hurt.

I did have someone who knew what it was like to make love to a virgin, and for a teenager, he had a lot of self-control. (No mad thrusting!) I was really lucky, considering most of the girls I knew lost their virginity under much less joyful or caring circumstance. I feel like the exception, not the rule. We planned our first sexual encounter (more exception than rule again) and I was already on the birth control pill by the time The Deed was done.

But the pain lasting but a moment, then earth-shattering pleasure? Nope. When I read those stories where the pain only lasts a moment, then ecstasy descends, I usually snort. In derision.

From JT (Sweden)
Despite being shy, nerdy and insecure during my teens and early twenties this Swedish male eventually turned out ok (I'm now 40, a physician and considerably more self-assured) and part of that was due to the confidence boosts my first sexual experiences gave me. I had read enough on the subject not to feel completely lost or fumble-fingered but to this day I am still amazed at how easy and natural it felt when the day came.

I was 22, madly in love for the first time with a beautiful visiting Israeli girl, and on that day I received not only my very first kiss but then she also guided my hand to her breasts. I ended up not only getting to adore her stiff dark nipples but also to fully explore her orally, an act I of which I had dreamed ever since I first learned the concept of cunnilingus. Suffice to say that worshipping the wetness between her silky thighs was the most beautiful experience of my life! Alas, she had to return to Israel (although we would stay in touch for many years) and I thus technically remained a virgin, but in my mind that day would forever be My First Time even though I never even got out of my pants.

From No Pain, Much Gain!
Ladies, ladies ladies. Do not ever have sex if you are not ready, and truly in the mood. Being mentally and emotionally prepared for sex is the only way to have a pleasurable—at least non-painful—first experience.

I lost my virginity during a one-night-stand with a sexy, confident, experienced and satisfying man. It was the 2nd semester of my freshman year in college and he was the best friend of my friend's boyfriend. We never talked again, but that evening remains one of my most enjoyable sexual experiences. He was approximately four years my senior (22), and very smooth. Foreplay is key—good foreplay! He did not know I was a virgin, but continued to take his time to get me in the mood. To make a long story short, I was extremely aroused before he went below the border. By the time he started fingering me, I was so wet and so open, I could hardly feel his fingers, and believe me—my pussy was tight. By the time his penis finally entered me, my mind was reeling! As soon as he entered and began thrusting, I felt like my head was going to explode. I can honestly say that I've never had such a (near) orgasmic experience since then (kind of sad, I know).

From Emily
I lost my virginity to my boyfriend of about two months. We actually did it in his car (classy, right?). I'm glad to say that despite the location, it was overall a positive experience. I told him I was really nervous, and he told me that he was too, (he was a virgin as well). He left the final decision up to me, which I think was really respectful. After removing our underwear, we held each other for a minute, which gave me some time to mentally prepare for what was about to happen. It didn't take too long for him to penetrate me the first time. It hurt so much that I dug my nails into his back and gritted my teeth. But even though I was in pain and did not have an orgasm, I had this amazing feeling of closeness and trust with him that was like nothing I had ever experienced.

And now for some advice for those thinking about loosing their virginity: Before you have sex, I think the most important thing you and your partner need is mutual respect and trust. Sex is a big deal, so don't do it until you feel completely ready. If your partner pressures you or tries to rush you, that's a sign that they only care about themselves, not about you or your feelings.

From Anonymous
I lost my virginity when I was 16 years old to an older guy. After the first few minutes of pain...it hurt so much I had to scoot back on the bed so I could breathe for a second. He didn't get in all the way and we didn't have an orgasm, but I bled. My first time is something I'm not too proud of because I felt that I should have waited for that special person. I cried a lot that night...he wasn't anything to me and I wasn't anything to him either.

From Stacy
I was 14 when I lost my virginity.  To be honest, it was with a guy I had just met (he had no idea I was a virgin).  A total one night stand. I was (and still am) an avid reader of romance and erotica stories so I was expecting fireworks and for the earth to move.  None of that happened and I was highly disappointed. 

Highly disappointed that is, until I met my steady high school sweetheart about a year after I lost my virginity.  He was the first one to bring me to orgasm.  The earth really did move and I really did see fireworks. I've LOVED sex ever since.

From Joni
I was young when I lost it to a very loving and gentle man. He took the time to make sure that I was ready and when he gently put it in me it was heaven! Yes it did hurt and I did bleed a bit but the pain lasted just for a minute or two. The next morning I was just a little sore and he made love to me again. wow! After that first time wow! Even now at 52 I still enjoy the memory of a wonderful time.

From Cat
My first time was neither a horror story or mind blowingly amazing. To begin with it hurt so much that I couldn't even get his penis in, after a bit we tried again and it hurt but much less. As I accommodated him he moved in a bit further and further each time until he started thrusting very gently. It only hurt at the deepest part of each thrust, then that pain gave way, not to pleasure but to 'oh, its not too bad"! I was not with a guy I loved, just one that I liked - to be honest I just wanted to 'lose it' before I hit 20, and he was nice, gently and caring.

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