When Porn Isn't Sexy

What are they doing wrong?

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From Cat
I Like taking special care in cleanliness when I know I'm having sex. Some of the couples do not look clean. I don't like the close ups. I think that's a guy thing. I could be wrong. I also agree in the groans and grunts. Do they sound real to you? I like making noise which you know is real.

I know about seeing the final come shot, but once I'd like to see it finished inside. It's porn I know but couldn't they show some real emotion? What about kissing? That's my favorite thing. Remember parking in your car making out? Hot, hot, hot. THEN, you moved to the next level. I guess I'm getting old. I remember the past and sometimes just that can make me excited.

From Joan
The stupid soundtracks!  My latest sweetie loves a good porn movie (especially one that includes an M-F-M threesome, which I like, too), but I always make him turn the sound off completely.  I just can't stand the "Oooh, ahh, you're so BIG!" and worse.  Give me some interesting music, some realistic sounds from the characters, or don't give me any sound at all.  I guess that's why they invented the mute button. Did I mention the "choking" noises that girls make when giving head to really "big" cocks?  Yuck.  As I said before, this is why I employ my mute button liberally.

From Malcolm
I agree the cliché shots that become so boring and even distracting. The most sexy thing I have ever seen on video is the British series "Secret Diary of a Call Girl", starring the fabulous Billie Piper, perhaps more famous for her appearances in "Doctor Who".  This series was shown on Australian TV, and shows wonderful simulated sex with apparently nude actors.  I found it more exciting than any porn movie. Beautifully done.  I can hardly wait to see the second series.

What porn movies need (for my tastes) is a lot more subtlety, a lot more cinematic appreciation of the beauty of bodies, and a lot less of the lowest common denominator crudity that might sell them to the unlettered masses! There isn't much hope that this will ever happen.

From Nick
What can porn makers do to improve their movies?  Better lighting. OK, that was a flippant response, but it kind of neatly sums up the issue. To make porn "better," i.e. to give it mainstream cinematic values, to make it more genuinely "erotic," would involve spending money. But that goes against the business model of the porn industry which is "minimal outlay, maximum return." It's all about the money. Your typical porn movie these days is simply a string of unrelated sex scenes, made as cheaply as possible, as quickly as possible.

Back in the 70s and 80s, when the directors still carried around 'artistic' pretensions, porn used to have some semblance of story and character, however thinly conceived and poorly executed.  But then the porn makers woke up to the fact that, really, all the average punter wanted was the sex, and the more graphic it was, the better. The punters simply wanted to SEE EVERYTHING, ALL THE TIME. Adios, story. Adios, character. Hello, wall-to-wall penetration, blow jobs and ubiquitous money-shots. The don't-make-me-wait, all-you-can-eat, fast-food ethos - I want it all and I want it now.

Some saw this as an "improvement" because, let's face it, the plots of old porn movies were laughable, and even more embarrassing than the faked orgasms, so why bother with them? "Cut to the chase," screamed the testosterone-dripping populace, and the pornmeisters said, "Well, all right, motherfucker!", and laughed all the way to the bank. They're called money-shots for a reason.

So while it may be desirable to shed the low rent image of porn and dress it in an evening gown, I can't see it happening on a large-scale anytime soon. There are simply too many droogs out there driving the market. Pity, really.

From Julius
Porn turn-offs...
Men:

• Baseball caps
• Black socks
• Unshaven faces
• Limp dicks
• Pretending to be macho when they patently aren't
• Spitting, where the male (usually) spits in/on/around a woman's naughty parts (could there be a greater turn off?)
• Olympic fucking scenes that go on and on and on and on and on and on...

Women:

• Repetitive moaning and phrases
• Use of the word 'shit'
• Mouthing a penis which just emerged from her anus
• Breast implant surgery scars
• Frantic undressing when the underwear is SO sexy
• Spotty/pimply asses
• The endless moving of hair away from the face when fellating
• bruises

Music: that looped rhythmic trash.
Lighting: when it's poor.

As for "good" porn, some of the oddly named Ben Dover series of so-called gonzo stuff is very erotic, I think, simply because the girls exhibit some normality.  There's some "believablenss" about the action, and the lighting and camerawork is surprisingly good. Ben's dialog is awful of course ("the world is your lobster..." Sigh) But we watch it and get a kick out of it.

From Anonymous
Most porn movies turn me off. So often, it's obvious that there's no feeling there. The guy is usually soft as last week's butter, and the woman screams and moans at inappropriate times. The guy may not even be touching her, and she cries out in orgasmic delight. Yeah, right.

There are stock scenes in so many male-oriented porn films that are stereotyped and tedious. Getting hit in the face with a bucket of semen may be a thrill to one or both participants, but to me as watcher, it's gross. There's the close-up shot of engaged organs squooshing in and out, the blowjob, the pizza boy snatched in from the front porch, etc. You just know that behind the camera, there's a hulking, sweaty Tony Soprano-type character with a cigar, cynically saying from the corner of his mouth, "This is the way you really turn the suckers on, girls."

The few porn films that have actually turned me on contain at least a minimum of character development. As for the acting, hopefully, I can tell the difference between whether the participants are actually having fun, or are so coked out they don't know where they are and what day it is.

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