Sex After Marriage

Who's doing it...or not?

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From John
I wonder at what I have read so far. It sure doesn't match my experience. Unless one means sex after the marriage ended. In that case, I might be typical. No partner sex. But then I just haven't found a new partner after 53 years of marriage to one woman. Nor looked very hard. Still have sex by myself though not nearly as frequently as I used to.

We probably started off normally enough: frequent hot sex, like most every day. It slowed down some when the kids were small and we were often too tired. Particularly she would be far too tired at night.

An idea occurred: morning sex. It worked. While we undoubtedly had some ups and downs, we were having real passionate sex almost every day. Well maybe six time a week on average up until her health failed. For maybe 40 years we rarely had nighttime sex since she would claim being too tired. I didn't much mind as I knew that by morning she would be rested and interested. For a while we had a clock with dual alarms. Wake us at 5 for the news and then sex. Second alarm at 6: time to get up. We had usually finished by then and maybe napped. I always tried to make sure she enjoyed it and she was multi-orgasmic. It was great.

From Sam
I've been married for 3 years, and I don't get squat anymore. It's like a desert around here, a dearth of sex. We use to fuck like bunnies, now post-marriage I'm lucky if I get a little (and I do mean a little) once a month. Marriage kills sex.

From Joseph
We enjoy sex when we have it, and don't miss it when we don't. If one of us is horny when the other is not, out comes the vibrator, a quick jack-off, or mutual or solo masturbation does the trick. We've been married for 39 years, and sex isn't nearly as frequent, or as urgent, as pre-marriage or early years of marriage. One point I have to stress is that sex at this point in our marriage is wonderful, better than ever. And honestly, why would that be a surprise to anyone? It's simply the natural course of things; familiarity, age, children, careers - there's a lot going on in a marriage. Often sex takes a back seat to more pressing issues, problems, whatever.

I get a big kick out of the magazines that cite polls of how many times a month couples get it on. Why should we care about what others are getting, or not getting? And why should we compare our sex lives with others, looking for a norm, an average. Makes no sense.

From Anonymous
We've found it goes in cycles. We had a lot of sex when we were first married. It tapered off quite a bit during the years we were raising our kids. Now that the little buggers are out of the nest, we're having way more sex than we have had in many years, and in some ways it's better than it was in the early days. Not better in terms of stamina or intensity, but it's a lot more intimate. I'm 53 and he's 57 and we have some sort of sexual contact pretty much daily, though full-on sex is not more than two or three times a week.

It doesn't happen by accident though. I had to fight my way through menopause tooth and nail, and it's still a struggle.

From Rose
Having been married 35 years now (together for over 36), I can say that if the amount of sex declines, there can be various reasons for it. They may have absolutely nothing to do with falling out of love, or not loving, or losing attraction for the other person. There are plenty of reasons why three or four times week in the first few years dwindles to three or four times a month in the second decade and then three or four times year after that. If the reasons are discussed and the people involved are honest with each other, and above all else, love each other, then there really is no reason for the sour looks or animosity. And there are always solutions and alternatives, if a couple cares enough to work on them and find them.

From Anonymous
I feel fortunate. The frequency has dropped off in recent years due to my wife's physical issues, but at ages 66 and 63, sex is as vital to us as ever.

Perhaps the reason is that we've always subscribed to (what we now call) the 'canoe in the water' principle. When one of us is in the mood, the other almost always, by an unspoken but longstanding agreement, cooperates. (It ain't just me; either of us is equally likely to initiate things.)

Once started, it generally takes off by itself, unless there is some interfering factor, like a nuclear war.

I heard this described on NPR by a psychologist as, "Once the canoe is in the water, everyone wants to paddle." I repeated this to my wife, and she replied, "That sounds like us."

From Mouser
I wonder about the frequency of it too. Or lack thereof. Whichever. Did some checking on it and found that the last recorded incident was many moons ago. Also recalled taking one of those silly womens' mag surveys on frequency and learned that we 'did it' about as often as the typical 80-year-old couple. A bit disconcerting when in your twenties, lemme tell ya.

Then I read someone else's response which made a reference to doing it 'only 2-3 times a week'. Lost consciousness soon after whilst listening to an odd sound not unlike that of a misshappen cranium being repeatedly banged against a wall. A most curious day I've been having.

From Coolchicki
Post marriage sex. I guess it depends. Sometimes heavy workloads brought on by household demands on the budget and nerves can make both parties just so exhausted that sleep becomes a priority. Sometimes, as we "age", injuries or medical conditions can hamper sexual activity.

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