Real Cyber Experiences

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From Barry
I don't cyber much, as a matter of fact I haven't done it in ages, mainly through lack of opportunity. But here's my story, I hope you like it.

My nephew enrolled in a course at a University that was near my house. As he lived miles away, it was agreed he would stay with me while he completed his course. As I lived alone I decided the company would be good.

The huge bonus was he would bring his friends home from time to time, and there were some very lovely young ladies amongst them. One afternoon I was introduced to a girl named Amanda who was lovely. She had all the charms that pleased the superficial male, tall, slender, blue eyes, blonde hair, real model material, but her personality was terrific, very pleasant and easy going.

After she left I didn't think that much about her, although she did make quite an impression on me. That evening I was sitting at my computer when it crashed. I tried everything to get it to work but nothing did. I was very frustrated as I had to research some material for a project at work. Then I remembered my nephew had a PC in his room.

He was out for the evening, but I thought he wouldn't mind if I used it, so I went into his room and switched it on. I eventually logged on and began searching the web when suddenly it went "bong" and on screen appeared a dialogue box. I had no idea what it was, but I saw the name Amanda in the box.

Then under the name came the words, "I'm horny, wanna cyber?" I had no idea what to do. I understood "horny" but had no idea what the rest of it meant. I typed "Hello?" and pushed enter. It appeared on the screen under the name "Sex God". Hahaha ... Sex God! Must be what Chris called himself.

Then she typed, "Aww c'mon, I need to cyber reallllllll bad." I typed back, "What do you mean cyber?" She replied, "Do you wanna cyber or not? I'm soooooooo horny!!!" I liked the sound of horny but what was she saying?

So I thought I'd come clean and typed something like, "Sorry Amanda, Chris isn't home. This is his uncle Barry. Are you the Amanda I met this afternoon?".

There was a pregnant pause. I waited for a while wondering what was going to happen next. Finally a reply, "Hello Barry. Sorry, I thought you were Chris. I'm so embarrassed".

I told her it was okay, that I was a teenager once and certainly understood being horny, then I asked her what she meant by "cyber". At first she thought I was teasing her, but when she finally realised I really didn't know she decided to explain it to me.

I was getting a little horny myself, my nephew Chris was one lucky devil being able to do this with a girl as sexy as Amanda. I explained I had never done it, but it sounded interesting and would like to try it one day.

Then what came up on the screen next was candy for my eyes. Amanda said something like, "Well, I'm pretty horny right now, would you like to do it with me?" I started thinking of a mutual masturbation session with this pretty young girl and started to get rather excited about the whole idea. Then she said, "Just don't tell Chris we did this okay? He might get weirded out about it or something".

I agreed and we got down to it, although I asked her to get me started. She said she was wearing a blue satin robe, nothing underneath. I asked he to take it off, and when she told me she was naked I had an instant erection. I could just imagine her sitting at her computer totally naked.

I won't go into details as people on here have all cybered before and know what went on. The hornier she got the better I felt, this was fantastic stuff. I thought of me giving this girl sexual pleasure was intoxicating.

With all the ooohs and ahhhhs on the screen I could tell she was enjoying herself, When I asked what was happening she said she was about to cum. I said I would really like to hear that. She quickly typed the phone number and then typed "HURRY!!!".

I quickly turned of the computer, ran into the living room and dialed the number. I heard an out of breath Amanda, almost demanding me to make her cum. I was imagining her sitting there playing with her pussy and became very aggressive, describing how I was fucking her, etc.

Finally I heard her burst into an orgasm, she must have dropped the phone because I could hear her in the background screaming with pleasure. I couldn't stand it and made myself cum as well.

After she was finished she came back on the phone and said, "you are one hella fuck, you know that?". I thanked her and told her I would like to do it for real sometime. She giggled and said, "I don't know if Chris would approve of that!!!". Then she added ... "but we can do this again sometime if you like. You are good, are you sure you never did it before?".

After that I downloaded the chatline we were using, and she used a different name to throw others off the track so they wouldn't know she was online. We did it 4 times but after that she said we shouldn't do it any more. I was so disappointed but what could I do?

So I started looking for others, and found a few, but they were never as good as Amanda. I even bought a web-cam at the insistence of one girl, but when she saw I was in my 40s she freaked out. I lost my nerve after that, it all became too hard.

From Richard
All food for thought, here's my ha'pennyworth. I'm 35, my wife 33, we've known each other for 18 years, have been together for 9 and have 2 kids (one 3 one 5).

I've written some words about cybersex, a few comments on what has worked for us and a few thoughts for the cybersexer's and the cyber'jilted'. Cybersex has enriched our relationship through encouraging and enriching our own communication.

My wife has an on-going and positive relationship, via email, with a cyber boyfriend (her name for him). I am very grateful for his input into our relationship and have told him so. After each of our kids she went through a blue patch of about 2 years and lashed out at those closest to her. Having someone removed from our domestic situation that re-enforced my own opinion (that she is very sexy) AND told her so. As well as talking dirty and letting her explore her sexual nature and the 'naughty' side of her personality has been a great release for her and a great benefit to us. In this sense he has been a great friend to us both.

I take pictures of her for my own pleasure and she said that she would like to share these with him. I agreed and so compiled some pictures varying from naughty to hardcore (I had never taken them with the idea of sharing). Now when she knows that he will see the pictures she gets very horny and our love making has become more intense than ever before (mind you it has only got better, though less frequent, throughout our relationship). It turns me on to know that another person finds her desirable and masturbates to her pictures!

I left it up to her to share the pictures as she saw fit and I emailed him and told him that he'd better keep up the compliments and be a good friend if he wanted to share in her beauty!

This has worked well, she is more secure and happy in our relationship than I have ever known. I feel truly happy to be with her and we both feel in love with each other and our kids. Having a 'trusted 3rd party', that tells her how beautiful she is, and compliments her often, helps my case when I say the same. Sadly, I feel, it is true of many people that they do not believe those closest to them when they make a compliment as they think that this person has an ulterior motive and this somehow affects their judgement!

We have new found confidence in our relationship and now communicate with each other better than we ever have. 'cyber-sex' has been of great benefit, has helped us through some of the most difficult times in our relationship and has helped my wife though her insecurities as a mother.

I guess the real lesson here is that this is something we have done together, at our own pace. We have clearly communicated with each other as we go along, NOT so that one of us can put the brake on, BUT so that we can share and grow together. I'd be interested in your feedback, I understand that not all cyber sex is positive and from many of the postings I can see that it clearly isn't for many relationships. For us it has worked and long may it continue!

I think that the reason that this has worked well, thus far, is that we have taken it SLOWLY and are open minded to each others needs.

To those secret married or partnered cybersexers out there, I guess I would say, pick your time to talk about these issues, i.e. not after a long day, with the kids screaming in the background! But DO TALK ABOUT THEM, perhaps express them as a fantasy first and say that you would like to explore them. Perhaps say that you NEED TO SHARE this because you love and trust your partner and want them to understand 'the whole you'. In our case my wife is my lover, partner and friend and both of us feel that we can talk about these things (although with our other pressures we may not have much time). That said, you should use your own judgement, don't inflict unnecessary pain on those you love. If you have expressed it as a fantasy first then you can give the whole thing time and you can explore it slowly together. Or the answer may be to not talk about it at all, but then you risk being found out and as you can see from many posts that is CATASTROPHIC for your relationship.

For those 'jilted' cyber widows/widowers I would say, explore this side with your partner. You may, like me, grow to find it a useful and enjoyable part of your own relationship that increases the trust, love and communication that you share with your partner. It may even blow their mind that you feel happy and confident that they should explore this with your involvement and consent. This way you get to be involved and you can jointly set the ground rules.

I could be wrong about all of this but the passion and love that we share make me think not.

GOOD LUCK..!

From Anon
I never knew how powerful the mind was when it comes to sex. Just the words on the screen triggers the imagination, and it is powerful indeed. I've been with both sexes, sometimes many partners in cyberspace - things I would never dare to do in real life - but what a turn-on. My cyber persona can be anything I'm in the mood for and I guess that's what's fun - being someone you've only imagined.

From Zaffen
I've been divorced for over ten years and disabled for going on six years at this writing. I've had a female pen pal or two but it was not sexual but just a different cultures type of thing.

I have been corresponding with my first penal in Oz for over two years and she is the best friend that I have ever had in the truest since of the word. We emailed for the first year or so but just recently I got her to try ICQ and then Yahoo because email was pretty ineffective when it comes to instant feedback on medical conditions (we both are disabled). She's 60 and rather timid about trying new thing but she discussed it with her husband and got his approval before she committed to chat with me, which I thought was commendable and I respect her all the more for it.

As others have said in here before we talk on a huge range of subjects right down to very intimate parts of our lives but we don't cyber in the vulgar sense but more a touching of minds and hearts with no threat to her relationship with her husband (who by the way is a great bloke and she loves him dearly) nor would I want there to be.

It is a sharing that helps when another understands some things that a spouse can't. The other day she told me something that was the greatest honour that anyone has ever bestowed on me. She said that she now had in me what she had always wanted, a male friend. Not someone that had a hidden agenda or was looking to score but someone that was concerned for her as a person. I would never dishonor her friendship in any way. I'm not cheating and neither is she.

That is the way it should be.

From Anonymous
The Internet enabled me to be approached easier by men [men around me only stare but too afraid [?] to get close]. I know sometimes good looks are intimidating, but now that I am 30 and still a virgin, it just got plain ridiculous. So I went to chat rooms [not porn though, mainly political ones]. There, I met a man I can not stop thinking of. My sexuality emerged like a volcano, like Mt. Etna.

This is one man I am sure I will want till I completely exhaust him. The problem? He considers it all part of the world of fantasy. He might be right; we are 3000 miles apart. The Internet, if both parties are honest, makes one concentrate on the other person's character. It was also such joy to see how much he radiated natural [and not phony as is the case with porn stars, etc] sexuality and maleness, when we got on web cam.

Generally, I avoid the web cam, as I know how men react. It gets sad when the views differ. I see it as a reality; he sees it as fantasy. When we got very close, he disappeared. I know he has been honest, as we spoke on the oddest of times, so it can not be that he had a relationship. Why did he disappear? That is my sad experience with cyber sex.

From Alan
My first experience was with a young woman in Kansas. We started out just basic letter-writing, chit-chat, and with a few turns of innuendo, we decided to co-write an erotic story to each other. The only stipulation was we had to explicitly tell what each chapter was doing to each of us.

The chapters got incredible. I became conditioned to disrobe whenever I saw her name on my screen. I told her as such. When we graduated to ICQ, I nearly ruined a keyboard...the response...her descriptions were so immediate, and I to she, she took to shucking her panties, wearing a robe..we even professed love for each other.

Then proceeded to try and analyze what happened...such a slippery thing to grasp. She has since married. I miss her.

Being his best friend, I can honestly say that online, he has the chance to show his true self first and foremost, and satisfy all the desires that real-life encounters never would. I'm sure one day he'll meet a special lady who will be his partner, but for now online relationships has given him the kind of sex-and-love life he's wanted all along

From Moonshadow
Let me start by saying that I have been married for 23 years to my second husband. Over 32 years ago we met as penpals. Nine years later we were married. We love each other but due to some health problems that he has, our sex life is non-existent. It was his suggestion over two years ago to find an erotic penpal. At first I was dead set against the idea and then I became intrigued. I tried it. For a year and a half I have been writing to a man in England (I am in the U.S.) He is married, also. We quickly progressed from email to messenger to phone calls. He has been the most intensely erotic experience of my life. He has discovered things about my inner self that I never dreamed of. He has broken through every inhibition I ever had. He has given me wings. And he loves me...intensely....as I love him.

My husband is aware of my love for this man and accepts it....as long as it remains the way it is. I can say that it will since neither my lover or myself want to destr! oy our marriages. So we will continue as we are. My point is this: How is falling in love with someone that you know only through his letters be any different than falling in love with someone that you know only through email and long distance phone calls? My love for both my husband and my lover are equally valid and real. When Anonymous wrote "We are so far apart, but i can feel her. It sounds so hokey...i know. But it's true" I knew exactly what she meant. Love can be so many things, experienced in many ways and an intensely loving and erotic relationship, known only through words and the sound of someones voice on the phone, is a deeply spiritual experience. Our souls have touched and we are connected. We have a bond that transcends the physical. No one can convince me otherwise because I live with it everyday.

From Desiree
I've had wonderful cyber experiences online. I was trapped in a bad, emotionally distant, unfulfilling marriage. I met several men online with whom I cybered and shared what I thought was a real friendship. I eventually met one of these men in real life, and we had a wonderful, passionate affair that lasted a year. I felt as though our relationship had grown from the inside out because we got to know each other so well online. The actual meeting was incredibly exciting and erotic and... just plain wonderful. I know I never would have had this kind of love affair had we not met online.

From Startide
I too have met some really wonderful ladies on the Internet, and for some strange reason they are all on the east coast or Canada. 'Tis strange that I have never met ladies from this state or for that matter the bay area. I will have to say.. I have met some really interesting people and formed some very good friendships. Less complicated for me though, am a single male and don't have to hide my musings from a mate. Which can get sticky.

From Pilon
I thought only people who didn't have a life would go on line looking for sex until I did it. Then it was like discovering a lost continent of wonder and excitement. In two months I shared orgasms with more people than I could keep track of as we role played fantasies and masturbated. I developed a complete fictional biography that was 180 degrees out from my real life and operated out of that persona. I got to do things I had only dreamed about and they seemed so real. The down side to this is the emotions are real too. The orgasms are real.

The "after" is real. I got attached to people. I found that one "girl" I was having Lesbian sex with was a guy when his/her wife responded to an icq message and wanted to know who the hell I was. The funny thing is I had been cybering for over a month as a 27 year old Lesbian when I am really a happily married 52 year old male heterosexual. I don't know what is all going to come out of this but those two months were filled with some of the most intense and growth filled times of my life. I don't do it anymore.

My wife was kind of okay with it but she doesn't know how intense it was getting. If she did it would make her worry. I'm still in awe of the power of mere words to build a reality that we can actually live in. A couple of my cyber friends were talking about constructing a cyber Lesbian Commune. Voice and webcams are going to change the possibilities for taking on new identities but I have to say it was amazing fun while it lasted.

From Ceit
Cybersex can be rewarding and also devastating. I guess it depends on the person that you are with. I met my first cyber lover on AOL Instant Messenger. We started out of friendship, then we began to cyber.

He opened my eyes to my new sexuality. For that I am grateful. He was the one that encouraged my erotic writing and he was great fun.

At the time my marriage was falling apart around me. It was very good for a time - but it became so strange. He wanted more than I wanted to give. We exchange niceties, but no longer participate in cybersex.

I believe it is just another part of life. You can be connected to the persons that you meet on line. Cybersex allows you to find out who you are in some cases. But it is something that you must go into not expecting anything out of.

From GMWR
I have a best friend who was involved with an individual online. It turned into an obsession. They began talking on the phone, even met once. She was disappointed in the experience as he talked a bigger game than he actually performed. Yet she still continues to speak with this person and thinks if they can meet again it will be different.

From Tom
My wife and I met through a Christian chat room. My sister was having a brain tumor removed and I went into the room to ask for prayers for my sister. B. responded and we started talking and and e-mailing and eventually progressed to talking on the phone. She eventually came to meet me and now we are happily married.

From Suze
I remember my first cybersex experiences a couple of years ago and the eventual friendly argument with my cyberlover about whether we were engaging in fantasy or reality. He felt it was pure fantasy; for me the reality was clear. Subsequent experiences have convinced me that this form of communication has created the possibility at least of a new plane of reality, a mental connection so strong that it defies geography and impossible circumstances. For many men and women, it becomes a substitute for satisfying sex and/or companionship and intimacy. For others, it is a precursor to 'the real thing'--with varying outcomes when such meetings do occur at airports or distant hotels.

From Anonymous
I'm writing to update an entry that I earlier submitted. I had engaged in an affair with a man my age. He was my Master. We were both married and because our relationship was interfering with our marriages, he decided to end the relationship.

Three months later he found me again. I had given him my home phone number but he never kept it so he had to search for me online and he finally found me. We resumed our relationship. After just a few weeks he announced to me that he was divorcing his wife. I could not bring myself to do the same. We ended our relationship a second time, knowing that I could not save my marriage and also be his slave. However, this time we stayed in contact. Eventually we finally spoke on the phone and this strengthened our bond and increased our attraction to each other. I finally confessed to him how unhappy I was in my marriage. He did not press me but I eventually decided also to divorce my husband. After I made this decision and he had moved away from his wife, we decided to have a real relationship, though not of a D/s nature. I moved away from my husband and my lover came to visit me.

We spent the most amazing week of our lives together. The sex was absolutely incredible. We also had a lot of fun together doing all kinds of things. We're really in love and happy together. I'm going to visit him in a few weeks and then a few weeks after that I'm going to transfer my job so that I can live with him.

I never dreamed that such a thing was possible. I never knew that I'd find real love this way. I guess it's obvious now that this is what had to happen. He and I could never stay apart for long. It's like a dark secret chapter of our lives is over and now we are free to be normal, happy people. I think that we saved each other from a lifetime of unhappiness. What this taught me is that sex is an extremely important part of our relationships. If someone is seeking sexual satisfaction from the internet, it's definitely a sign that something is seriously wrong with his or her real life relationship. Sexual chemistry is vital to marriage. If two people have mismatched sexual needs, it's going to be a disaster.

Thankfully my new boyfriend and I are perfectly matched in that regard, as well as in numerous others. It's been a very strange path to a greatly fulfilling relationship. But I'm glad it happened. I've never been happier in my life.

From Anonymous
I used to play games on the internet on the odd occasion, but when things started to go wrong in my marriage, the internet became a form of escape for me. I started chatting with people in the online game rooms, and was lucky enough to meet folks who weren't out there just to "cyber" with people.

About 6 or 8 months into this escape, I met a wonderful man. He was also married, had kids and such. I don't know how the cyber thing started, but one day he pulled me into private chat, and wow oh wow, the words on the screen made me go weak in the knees. I had no idea that I could be such a visual person. The first private chats were innocent enough, with him just typing that he was kissing me.

We began actually talking to each other about real issues in our real lives. He became a good sounding board for me, as I was for him. We exchanged messenger ID's and our conversations became more frequent. I shared things with him that I wasn't sharing with others in my life, for whatever reasons.

We cybered with each other, but it never really led to cybersex or either one of us "getting off". But it did, for me anyway, make me feel aroused. It is so easy to become emotionally attached to someone online when there are no physical pretenses to scare the other person away.

This man was my first online relationship, and it was always understood that we were both married, whether it was happily or not. He has helped me through what was to become the most unhappy time of my life. When I suffered my nervous breakdown, it was this online man that was there to help me through it, not my husband. I love my husband, but it just seemed he was blind to it all.

I have since recovered, and I still speak to my online love on a regular basis. He plays a very important role in my life, and always will. My husband is aware of most aspects of this online relationship, and I say most because I have not yet explained the sexual part of it.

There is another man I have met online, and we do have cybersex. For me, it is a quick way to get off without the strings attached. We both share an interest in erotic writings and playing out fantasies. I have even spoken to this man on the phone. It is soooo erotic, wow.

My husband and I discussed my online time just the other night. I looked at him and asked this question: "Do you know where your wife is every night?" His answer was "Of course, at home with me". Cybering, the internet, whatever you want to call it, has opened up my mind to so many things, and I believe it has helped me to improve the sexual side of my marriage. I am not out banging other men, if anything, after a session on IM with my cyber lover, I jump into bed with my husband and have some amazing sex.

From Anonymous
Out of curiosity I recent had my first cyber sex experience. It was fun to say the least...and really addictive. Just a few days later I found myself in another session with the same man online and a third with someone new. Being a virgin there is an attractive lure to cybering—and while some will say its because you can't "get any" in real life I strongly disagree. It's a fantasy.

You're basically creating a sexual fantasy with someone online and the thrill of knowing your partner is getting off on it as much as you are is really titillating. During a session my cyber buddy interrupted and mentioned how he had an awesome orgasm just by reading my words and I thought it was really erotic.

From Anonymous
I currently cybersex with two men. The first man lives in the same city, I have met and had sex with him in real life, and he is aware of the existence of the other man.

This first man is someone whom I consider a true friend, he is very kind, considerate, extremely open minded and very sincere and genuine. He has many other partners both online and off and seems ok with my dalliance with the other man. My local guy often IM's me early in the a.m. and will masturbate for me on cam while I encourage him and I love it. He is extremely provocative and definitely sexually liberated. He is aware that I eventually want a one-on-one relationship and, while he could never be bound by those constraints, seems to genuinely want to enjoy just whatever time we have. I have an equally wonderful time enjoying phone sex with him as well. He is an exquisite lover and just a tremendous friend as well.

The other man lives in a distant city (about 5 or 6 hours away). I met both through a dating site I joined, coincidently I met them both on the same weekend. This other man is somewhat younger than I am and he totally took me by surprise. I had anticipated that any cyber experiences I engaged in would be sexual exciting to be sure, but I didn't expect the passion that I feel for my younger lover. He completely slipped in under my radar. He tends to choose words that reveal a very sensual nature; he often talks about sights, sounds, textures but not in a contrived or planned sort of way. His words seem as if he has just blurted them out, and in fact when I have spoken with him on the phone, this has turned out to be true. I've spent a lot of time trying to assess his sincerity and every "test" I can think of to judge that seems to be coming back positive. 

I don't know how else to describe it except it feels like the online equivalent of sparks flying when you first meet someone and are instantly attracted to them. Eyes meeting across a crowded room, that sort of thing. I am just tremendously attracted to him, I can't really explain why. Normally when I fantasize, I do not fantasize about one specific person, except for him. I can fantasize about sex with him and only him and experience incredible orgasms. He is the first person I can truly say this about.

I never would have believed that I could be this attracted to someone with whom I have not actually met, but it is true. I think what makes it even more exciting for me is that I believe he feels the same way. The other day when we were on the phone he was trying to tell a sexy story for my pleasure (God bless his dirty little heart) and when trying to describe my seduction of a young man, he was telling me this fictional young man would go to his bed at night and masturbate while thinking of me. I interrupted him by saying, "Like you do?" to which he replied with a very intense, "God yes". He thrills me to my very core.

From BelleStar
I've only been a part of the Internet Community a couple of years. I never had any intention of becoming involved romantically with anyone. I write erotica and have become acquainted with many people all over the world who write as well. We've gotten together in instant message chats and discussed ideas, plots, even families and real life stuff. I've made wonderful friends whom I correspond with regularly.

Throughout this time, I've had several men make attempts to "cyber" with me, but I never had any interest. I thought it was silly and meaningless. I have a boyfriend and we have a very fulfilling sex life.

After I rebuffed one gentleman, he proceeded to "cyber" another of our group right there in front of us. It was sickening. I lost all respect I'd ever had for him as a writer and as a person. He later told me that he wanted to hurt me as much as I'd hurt him. I couldn't believe that he took all this on-line stuff so seriously.

In fact, several in our little group needed reality checks, in my opinion. There was no balance. Their entire lives focused around these online entities who could or could have not been what they claimed.

Then I met him. We clicked from the beginning. We're a world apart but it feels like we've known each other for years.

One morning, I logged on to MSN early from home and "it" just happened. "It" was one of the most intense experiences I've ever had physically or virtually. My friend and I were, and still are, together on-line several times a week. We've been chatting for over year. We still cyber occasionally but mostly we talk. We write together and discuss things just as if we were face to face.

As for cheating, I don't feel that we are cheating our partners of anything. He's in love with his wife and I'm in love with my boyfriend. Our time together is scarce. We don't take away from our families to chat. He and I share a passion for Erotica writing. I think, considering the subject matter, getting turned on is natural. We keep it real, we know that we're not ever going to get together, and that what we have now is what we'll always have.

From Vinayak
I did not visit this section for many days as I do not believe that sex is possible when you are physically far away from each other. Even for imaginary sex i.e. sex fantasies, you require the partner's features . His/ her complexion, height, structure ,appearance should be known to each other. After reading these comments I was surprised. However if webcam is available at both points, it would be certainly interesting.

From Mom Of 3
I started a cyber relationship with someone almost 9 months ago. I'm a Mom and have been married for 9 years with 3 children, he is also married with two children. So in complete boredom I started up a page on myspace just to be able to chat/connect with other humans. I came across his and emailed him. He didn't respond for a couple of weeks but finally he did and our relationship took off from there. The first initial months were spent talking about everything from where we are both from to our children to our family life. By the 6th month we started talking about possibly meeting which would be a bit difficult since we live 2000 miles apart. Finally, we planned it...we had only seen each other through webcam and photos sent back and forth and our moment of truth was coming. After all the hours and time that we had spent online or me calling him. I felt that I could have been in love with him and wanted to prove my suspicions by actually meeting him.

So off I went 2000 miles from my home to meet him. The moment I saw him confirmed everything I was feeling. I spent 3 days with him. Completely unforgettable. From the very beginning we always felt that we knew each other. Being around each other, it became apparent that it was true. That trip was definitely worth it. I didn't want to go home after being with him but since my children are here, I had to. We are still in the relationship and I think that it is even deeper than it was before. Our agreement is that our situations will not change. And although I want to be with him every moment of the day, I know that I can't, so I must stay where I am and miss him....however, we talk all day on the phone or email, IM each other as much as possible...but its not the same as being in his arms. I do love him but can't ask for things he can't give me. So we carry on our 2000 mile relationship and plan for the next time that we can be together again.

From Paige
I'm a bisexual woman, currently not in any type of relationship, and I live alone. I don't chat or email from work because it can get us in trouble there. Because of hackers, computer-stalkers and the like, I never chat randomly from my home computer; I'm paranoid about them being able to track me down.

I'm into cyber, and I've learned a lot about how to do it well. I never believe the person's online persona, so I don't get caught up in disappointments like some of the people who have posted responses here. I do not offer 100% complete honesty to chatters online, nor do I except it from them. I believe that 98% of the "women" in sex chat rooms are actually men, ok? I prefer to chat with other women, but since real women are so few and far between in online chat rooms, I have to settle for what's out there. Also, online, all the men are supposedly "not married", they all have "the largest penises ever", and they're always horny, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. (PS: horny is not spelled 'horney'.)

One rule of thumb, for me personally, is that I usually choose a chat room that is specifically set up for that purpose. I never understand why some men log on to a room labeled "Sex", and then ask you things like, "Are you horny?" or "Do you want to cyber?" And why the small talk? If I'm in a sex chat room, it's for sex, ok?

Next, I go for someone who says they are around my age (mid to late 30s), I will sometimes solicit them, or I will accept private chat with them. Once again, because honesty is not the policy online, I never really know if they're telling the truth, but the average teenager posing as an adult usually gives themselves away after two or three sentences. If I chat with another 'woman', the average man posing as a woman gives himself away within four to five sentences.

There are some areas that are immediate turn-offs for me: incest, child molestation, bestiality, humiliation, domination, BDSM, rape, rape fantasies, spanking, swapping, swinging, scat, peeing, pregnancy fetishes, lactation fetishes, tranvestites, transexuals, crossdressers and anal intercourse. Wow, that's a lot, isn't it? Anyway, if the other person is into any of these, I just move on, not interested.

Unfortunately, I've found that the majority of men online are unimaginative, boring, impatient, pushy, rude, and lack originality. This is a shame, since 98% of the 'women' in these particular chat rooms are actually men posing as women, it doesn't leave a wide variety from which to choose. Occasionally, I do find a diamond in the rough, and I have an enjoyable chat session every now and again.

Years ago, I did progress from chatting to phone sex with one woman, principally because she actually was a woman, and secondly because we hit it off so well sexually. We were, however, in very different places in life; she was years younger than myself, she was more bi-curious than actually bi, she was not very well educated, and she had lead a sheltered life. Her naivety was an attractive feature at first, but she was too much prone to being taken advantage of, and I knew I didn't want a relationship or anything. I didn't want to cause her harm by starting something that might hurt her later, so we stopped communicating after about 6 months.

Since that time, I choose not to maintain any type of contact or connection with people I meet in chat rooms. Even if we enjoy our time together, I'm not inclined to email back and forth; it's just not interesting to me. I have never met in person, nor do I ever intend to meet in person, anyone that I found in a chat room. No matter how good it is, no matter how believable, I think it will lead to a disappointing end somehow, so I just don't even go there.

From Anonymous
I'm a single woman and I tend to go for long stretches of celibacy in between relationships. I first tried cyber about 7 years ago. Some of it could be fun, but some dull (depending on the chat partner).

Recently, I upgraded my computer and tried the voice and cam aspects of IM. I get very aroused by the tone of voice and breathing of a man as he's getting close to orgasm and comes. 

While phone sex had been an option, I didn't really feel comfortable giving out my number, and even calling a guy would mean my number could show up on caller ID. 

WOW, this part of IMing really turns me on and the visual can be pretty exciting as well. It's also nice to feel desired/sexy. I did meet up w/a local guy I'd been IMing with. We had a pretty passionate night together. But for the most part, I just keep it to mutual masturbation.

From Meenra
I was so completely fascinated with David's story about Real Cyber Experiences [see last entry on this page]. I have a similar "relationship" that actually started as a real relationship many years ago. I got back in contact with a high school love/best friend after many years. We began emailing. We shared very similarly to what David talked about, almost like a therapy session (especially for me). We shared deeply and openly. Cybersex quickly became a part of our sharing. We began to talk on the phone and had some of the most amazing conversations...free, open, honest and most definitely erotic. We even engaged in phone sex late one night after I'd had a bottle of wine.

The fascinating thing to me is my emotions have become so completely involved with this man. He is a person from my past, yet he is "here" in my present...but not in a truly real way. Our only contact is through email and phone conversations. I have created him to be the perfect man for me, my true soul-mate, but if we were to ever meet in person would the same sparks be there that were there all those years ago? For some reason I doubt it. I think I have involved my emotions to a much greater degree than he has (which was the story of our past relationship too.) At certain points I was even ready to leave my husband and children for this cyber-relationship person! (yes I'm married, and was very lonely and unhappy at the time I "reconnected" with this friend)

I have questioned myself so many times about the level of emotions I have for this person and I justify it because we did have a real world friendship in our youth. The emotional side of my brain thinks we are the perfect match. The logical side of my brain knows I have created the perfection through our writings and conversations. I have yet to really know the outcome of this story. I am staying married. He is moving into a new relationship headed in a serious direction, but we still have a close friendship. Or I've led myself to believe we have a close friendship. Is he really a close friend? Is he really someone I could truly count on in a real life emergency situation? All questions I have struggled with since our cyber- relationship began...

From David
I have recently had a cyber relationship that included cybersex (by which I mean masturbation while communicating with the other person on the computer at the same time; sexual role-playing). I want to describe the essence of this relationship and its outcome, because the analysis will highlight certain crucial issues to do with cyber relationships and cybersex, especially their hazards.

I met a woman on a chat site. We began to use instant messenging (AOL) to communicate in real time, getting to know each other more privately. As time went on, she discussed her various emotional problems with me--much as we might in "real life" or what I call the "solid world" as opposed to the cyber world.

I found myself using communication skills I had learned previously, and in an hour or two she was saying things about herself that were revelations even to her. We were doing a kind of amateur psychotherapy. I made sure my own interests and desires did not come into our discussion at these times, and she made some very important discoveries.

This is one kind of thing we did. I will get back to it. We also just hung out and I talked about my day and my problems. She did not have much in the way of communication skill, so I did not benefit much from this side of the dialog, but I enjoyed the company and the listening because I was lonely, and that was why I was on the Internet to begin with. That was another side of our relationship.

We also cybersexed. Usually, after her emotional revelation, she would feel very calm and very close to me, and I would with her. The marvel of just listening and letting the other know one is listening, by feeding back what they have said along with one's response emotionally in words--is very effective in building trust and encouraging the speaker to open up. In this case, we consensually moved into cybersex many times. At other times we just remained feeling emotionally very close. We got to look forward to cybering as much as "therapy".

The various "facets" of our on-line relationship were all very intense and very clear in what was happening. When we moved from one facet to another, one of us would announce it (after she would open up for awhile, she might say, "I am feeling horny now" or I would say the same thing, and we would move into another facet). This is one important way cyber relationships can be MUCH CLEARER than some solid world relationships. You actually get to READ what you are doing when you are doing it. That is, of course, if you write clearly and track what you are feeling and doing. At least this is possible, and THAT is my point here.

Another thing that happened with us is that we would argue, just like couples do in the solid world. Only, in the cyber world, with everything we said becoming a record on the screen before our very eyes, it was easy to scroll up and see what one or the other really had said. No more of this solid-world blaming and pointing "You said...", "No, I did not, you said...". Just "Scroll up and read for yourself what you said." This worked like a charm many, many times! Immediately, the anger stopped--I mean, right then and there, no holding any of it! Nothing like this has ever happened to me in my solid-world relationships. I wish all our words appeared over our heads like a word-bubble in cartoons, in real life. How much easier our lives would be! So, that is another big plus for how cyber relationships can be very clear and healthy--by making each person accountable for what they say.

Then, there is this problematic side I asked myself how it was that I was having such a full range of emotions for somebody I really had not seen, not heard (until we got a voice component hooked up), not touched, nor in any way related except through words on a flat little screen. How real this person felt and how little reality I actually had of her when I thought about it. I wondered how this was possible.

Clearly, it was the power of her words plus the power of my imagination. And, the depths into which both of us took each other's words, due to our previous "amateur psychotherapy" and "hanging out." That I really did NOT know this person, for all our honesty--that most of my feelings were the result of my own imagination--was never so clear as when, sometime into our relationship on the computer, I asked her to describe my face. She could not really do it. She had formed her own imaginary picture, and it did not resemble me at all. In her case, it more resembled her father (!). Same for me, I did not have an accurate picture of her. When I realized this, it was clear that if we ever met, our whole emotional response might suddenly be drastically altered! Fantasy meeting the light of day.

Why? Because, in the solid world in which we really live, we base our emotional and other responses to somebody upon our five senses. Humans are hard-wired by nature for millions of years to evaluate people and situations via ALL of our senses. Never in human history have we been in a situation where we are forced to evaluate each other exclusively by reading words on a screen! Evolutionarily speaking, we are not adapted to do this. As a consequence, our imagination "fills in the dots" and creates the missing stimuli from the five senses, so that what we get is something like a "virtual person" to respond to.The problem comes when we respond to the virtual person as though he/she were a real person in front of us.

The main point is that we fill in the dots with our imaginations. It is our imaginations--ourself, really--that makes us feel "in love" or whatever we feel when we are with our cyber partner. More to the quick we are fooling ourselves. We really DO NOT KNOW this person. This became my downfall, as you will read shortly, creating some classical Internet paranoid nightmares that were NOT fantasies.

The big message here is that we cannot really know anybody in cyberspace and they cannot really know us. We may FEEL we do, but that is all an illusion. Once we know it is an illusion--really know--the fantasizing comes to an end automatically. The reason why we do not really take this realization home to bed is that we DO NOT WANT TO BELIEVE IT. Because we sense that if we did accept the fact that our exciting relationship is based on imagination and delusion--all those exciting feelings would vanish into mist like dew in morning sunshine. And, many of us are too lonely to let this happen. So, we become prey to our own delusions.

And, prey I became.

One day I got a frantic email from my friend saying that a former cyber lover had hacked into her email and threatened to reveal things about her to "authorities". He quoted some of our writing to prove he had, indeed, hacked her and knew about us both. I freaked.

I cannot describe the sense of violation this implies. It goes beyond somebody reading one's letter taken from a mail box. It involves that person being able to pass that letter on to anybody and everybody on the whole planet-wide Internet, if he wanted to. The sense of powerlessness is awesome. Of course, there was the vague threat of "authorities", and wondering what in hell he meant. The paranoia around that was excessive. And, the realization--unique to email--that anything I now wrote back to her, or to my friends, or to police via email--could be seen by him, and we would not even know. It was like having somebody here in my apartment looking over my shoulder at everything I typed on my computer. Talk about paranoia! But it was rational paranoia in light of what happened.

To make matters worse, my friend told me that she had given her former cyber lover a false persona. He had taken her persona, and her alleged profession, seriously, been fooled completely. She said he was freaked out, not by jealousy upon discovering our relationship, but by what he feared she was going to do in her alleged profession, and he wanted to report her. None of this was true. All of it was a fiction perpetrated by my friend. What was real was his emotional reaction and promise of possible action. This is the dark side of "virtual people" and imagination creating emotions!

First thing I realized, when I settled down, was that I could not trust my friend. She had deliberately misled this hacker-lover of hers. She had used collossal bad judgement. She had not told me about this. She had gotten me involved in her mess unwillingly. All my trust in "who she was" crumbled. I could not trust this person--even though she SEEMED so genuine when she was opening her heart during our "therapy". I still think that was real--but so was her dangerously bad judgement and unscrupulous manipulative behaviour.

She said she had the guy's phone number and address. I demanded them from her so I could protect myself if necessary from possible future attacks. She promised to send them to me but never did. We stopped communicating.

A few weeks later, I saw her name on a forum in a site. I clicked on her name just to say hello. The site would not accept my click for some reason. An hour later, I got hacked! Was this wounded cyber lover watching me, and when I clicked on her name, he hacked my computer? At the same moment, 4000 of my emails vanished, including all the correspondence with this woman. A coincidence? By now, I was so paranoid--and with reason--that I emailed to her and a couple of friends that I was taking this hacker guy to the police and Interpol. I again asker her for his number and address so that she would not be in the path of the police when they went looking for him. No answer from her.

Two days later, I got an email from the hacker!! He wanted to "dialog". Had he been watching my emails to my friends, or had she warned him I was going to the police? I will never know. But, he wrote back that he did not have the technical know-how to sabotage my email or break into my computer. He said he had "guessed" her Yahoo password and that is how he got into her email. (Would you believe?) Now he just wanted me to know he was sorry and that I should "crawl back under the rug." And other well wishes.

I responded that if he could not fix my computer, or would not, then we had nothing more to say and that he could tell the rest to the police, and signed off. It is not so easy to get police to go after a lone hacker if you are just a private citizen. I told local police that I used my computer for business and had lost some documents crucial to a court case I was preparing--all of which was true. Then, they were interested. I was a business, I had damages, I had some proof (his email admission of hacking into her email which included my letters), and I had a computer pathway to start tracing him. However, it would take them at least a year due to backlog and all that time my computer would have to be in their possession! It became impractical to chase this guy, so I let it drop, although he does not know.

That is my Internet cyber relation/cybersex horror story. It highlights 1) cyber relationships can be very healthy if you use good communication skills; 2) even so, you can never know the other person; 3) you should never trust the other person no matter how much you feel like trusting them based on the good feelings you may be getting (because 98% of those feelings are coming from yourself, from your own imagination and may have no correlation with the other person at all); 4) privacy and intimacy are an illusion on the Internet, as my hacker proved; if you are going to be opening your heart, it is a good idea to imagine your worst enemy listening and watching at the same time--because it may be true; 5) would you really place yourself, and your computer, in such jeopardy if you were not very lonely; and isn't loneliness the real problem here? And, finally, 6) how can words on a flat screen and "filling in the dots" REALLY make up for flesh-and-blood contact and trust borne of the five senses? If it seems to, then isn't something drastically wrong?

From Anonymous
I've used computers and then the internet since the 80's. I never used it to try to connect romantically until the last couple of months. I can't be sure what motivated me to look for somebody special online but I started by filling in the "personals" profiles and searching for "matches" on a couple of browsers. I stopped short of sending in money so I could actually contact someone, so it went nowhere except for ad-spam in my email, still trying to get my cash. Money for romance was a turn-off as I saw it.

A few weeks later I dropped into a romance chat room, by location no less, "just to see". As I sat and watched the multiple conversations play out, I was contacted by IM and the a/s/l? (age, seek, location) was typed and dutifully answered, truthfully, by me. From here, I've found the conversation could go anywhere. I've had (apparent) guys beg for and/or insist that I send them photos (lost when I crashed my hard drive) or turn on my web cam (which I've never had). They most often assume I'm lying and keep trying to get my compliance until I have to Ignore them ("iggy" them in the jargon).

I'd be invited to view their webcam. When I accepted I'd have a window open on a bad video of their waving penis. (Never a static nude - they always had to have it waving around - ? - but that's another topic.)

An old Englishman who owned a grocery store asked me to talk sex with him one afternoon. It was no harm to me and he seemed so lonely, I typed dirty for a while, he got off, thanked me politely and logged off. He's IM'd me a couple of times since until I finally told him it didn't really do anything for me and I'd rather not. I haven't heard from him since.

A lot of guys IM'd me who, obviously, did not have English as their native language. They would try to participate in the chat rooms or IM's but their language or their typing are just not up to the speed challenge. Most seem to be from India, Nigeria or the Middle East. They seem to think its personal that folks online talk a cultural shorthand that they can't participate in and so get ignored. "Why won't Americans talk to us?"

There was this beautiful film-maker from Egypt. He had great pictures, but as he said, its his profession. I got so hung up in the pictures I agreed to make an overseas phone call to complete our assignation. I got the bill yesterday - almost $300. And this from the woman who was too cheap to pay for a month of matchmaking. I wasn't even masturbating, but I really enjoyed making noises like I was. I've never been such a sucker for a pretty face. And I still can't believe I faked a telephone sex orgasm. What the heck was that about anyway?

I actually met a wonderfully kind college professor who invited me for a ride in his cabin cruiser. Being gaa-gaa about boats and my first date in years, he IM's me when I'm offline the morning of our date to tell me he's married. Being an honest woman, I call off the date. Another few days and many IM's of charm and I'm off for just a boat ride. And that was it - just a boat ride. We still meet and have become friends...no sex...just a lot of talk, flirtation, charm, expressed desire (I find I really love being desired) and intelligent conversation.

Agreed to meet another man for a beach date and a picnic. He brought the steaks. Find out he's a chef and makes a great steak even though we had to come back to my place (closer) to fix them as neither brought charcoal. He's on his way over now. We've spent three nights together so far and enjoy each other's bodies. He'll leave in the morning.

That's it. No major events or anything scary. No real intimacy either, but I wouldn't have that if I met these guys in a more normal way. We've only just gotten to know each other. I know the screen does not give me a real person. I have no trouble distinguishing the very real differences between an IM buddy and a real friend at this point, but then I've only been at this a couple of months. Who knows who I might meet for real. I read somewhere that cyber-lationships should be viewed as blind dates you arrange for yourself. I figure I've got to meet the guys before they can fall madly in love with me.

I also found I can get laid safely when I want to, but haven't found anyone who would make me his most special someone yet. And that's okay with me - for now.

From MTG
I am not really into erotic chat, I have tried it but I am more of a hands on kind of guy. Most of what I do on computer is game, first person shooters and Flight sims. However my wife of many years is quite the chatter. At first it really disturbed me, what she was doing. But one day as I was blowing up a tank it hit me. What was so wrong with this, here I am killing folks in a virtual world. So what so wrong with her banging other guys in a virtual world? At that point I stopped worrying about it, in fact if anything it has improved our sex life. She chats gets really worked up and will occasionally ravage me in a sexual fashion.

7/5/07

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