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The secret to happy monogamy?

Alone Time MasturbationJust wondering: I see a lot of comments here from folks who are single and say they masturbate for a particular reason: No partner to share sex with. So what does that say for a person like myself, who is married for 18 years and continued to masturbate (with a lovely purple, jelly vibrator, thankyouverymuch) throughout that time. I enjoy sex with my hubby, but I like my "alone" time as well. I never considered myself a perv for this practice, but wonder if there is a weirdness there for a person who has a partner, but loves to masturbate, in private moments.  —Raquel

If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.   —George Carlin

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From Anonymous
Being a male in my late 40s with a wife in her early 50s, our sex drives are almost polar opposite. We have been having sex for over 23 years. I still have a drive as strong as it was in my late teens. I masturbated almost every day at that age--even if I had a sexual relationship with a girl. My wife never really did have a strong sex drive, but now after 2 kids and being in pre-menopause, what little there was has virtually vanished. Only occasionally do we engage in sex--and only if she initiates.

As a male, high sex drive notwithstanding, I have a physiological need to ejaculate stored up semen every now and then. Of course, I would rather share any sexual activity I may want to engage in with her, rather than by myself. But, if the situation warrants and I happen to have some private time--which is very little these days, I will "take care of business".

One thing that I am thankful for is this:  my wife has begun to give me the most satisfying hand jobs lately.
It feels waaay better than when I masturbate myself. I know for you ladies out there it is usually better when you can pleasure yourself the "right way", but for us guys it is usually the opposite. When all is said and done, I am a happier person since my sexual tension has been relieved.

From Paul
As a married, 58 year old man, masturbation forms a very important part of my relationship with my wife. Because of her medical condition, we have not been able to share a bed for many years now and masturbation is the only way to satisfy my very healthy libido. We both enjoy our masturbation sessions and speak openly about them, especially as part of foreplay to normal intercourse. The sharing of this intimacy is a great turn-on for both of us and we both absolutely love watching the other bringing themselves to a self-induced climax.

From Robert
I do believe masturbation is the secret to monogamy.  When I was in my mid 20s, I was unfortunately in what is now considered a sexless marriage.  My bride did not want to be pressured to have sex, even though the Bible says witholding sex from your spouse for long periods of time is sinful:  “The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. [5] Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.”

The Bible does NOT say that masturbation is sinful.  I love masturbation because I was able to enjoy the body God gave me and was able to release my sexual tension when she would not.  I would never divorce my wife  because I made a vow to her, but if she is not going to perform her wifely duty (and I would never force her or accept sex if she would only do it out of a sense of duty) I need and want to enjoy sex, whether on the rare occasions with her or the great times by myself.  We are still married over 25 years now.

My wife also masturbates privately but does not like to talk about, which I wish she would because I love talking to her about sex.  The world is still afraid to talk about masturbation and this contributes to all the problems we have:  divorce, rape, premarital sex, unwanted pregnancies.

From Anonymous
We've been happily married for 45 years and we've been masturbating solo and together since the very beginning.  We were both passionate about our solo pleasures and saw no reason to put that on the shelf just because we could now have virtually unlimited partner sex.  It's important for us to give one another the personal time needed to love ourselves and we also love sharing it together.

From Peter
Good for you ERWA for celebrating masturbation. Most of us know, but are unwilling to say, that some of the best sex we've ever had, was with our selves. After all, only we know what we really like. We know how we like to be touched, how we like to be teased, poked, prodded and played with. I'm sure this goes as much for men as it does for women. Even if we have a regular and very much loved partner, it is sometimes difficult to ask for the thing that turns us on most. Alone, this is not a problem. We can do whatever we like and there is no one to look at in the morning and think, "did we really do that?" In other words, it's sex without inhibitions getting in the way. Some people can get this with a partner. Lucky them. For those of us who can't, masturbation is a wonderful alternative.

From Madeleine
So you have been married for 18 years and have continued to masturbate.. well.. I think that is ok. I too am married and I too like to masturbate. I just use my fingers, mostly stimulating my clit, sometimes inserting one or two fingers, but I need this. It has nothing to do with not loving my husband.. it is something totally different. I am pleasuring myself, giving my body attention, giving myself time.. it is important and special to me, and I do not feel weird, or that I am taking anything away from my husband.. if at all, he profits from it too.

From Jack
From this man's point of view, if my girl masturbates without me then I'm doing something wrong and not satisfying her. It feels aweful, belittleing, insulting. BUT, I masturbate in private moments, and that's fine - no reflections on her. Go figure. No doubt this attitude is a social construct that will take dozens of years to move passed.

From Herman
In Germany we say no sex with a partner is as good as you imagine it while jerking off ­ I found that to be very true, and yes an important key to monogamy.

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