Porn and Relationships

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From Michael David
Well enough women have spoken up so I think its time for a guy to weigh in. I have been happily married for 20 years; my wife was and still is my type of woman. She has a Kate Winslet kind of look and that is what turns me on. Nothing about my wife is lacking, her body, her mind, the way she treats me, I have no (major) complaints. However (knew that was coming, huh) variety is the spice of life. This is true for gals as well, maybe not about men per se, but we all get tired of the things we have and enjoy getting new things. Please don’t misunderstand me, I am not comparing women to objects, I’m just trying to illustrate that we all like the excitement of something new. We don’t want to give up what we have, we love what we have, but looking at new and different stuff is exciting.

So just because we look at a certain type of porn or a certain type of body doesn’t mean that is what we truly want. I have NO desire to be in a relationship with a teen girl, but I fantasize about having sex with young girls sometimes. Also, I have a little thing for spanking, but I don’t want to spank my wife because she’s not into that. Just as your fantasies are varied and don’t define you, our choice of porn doesn’t define us.

Women are not immediate, they take time to fire up for sex, and that is great don’t get me wrong, the firing up is a lot of the point. Sometimes we want to have sex or just have an orgasm and there isn’t time to fire up our gals, or maybe the time is inappropriate, or we’re mad at each other, or she isn’t home, the possibilities are endless. Porn is fast and easy. We go there, spend a few minutes and boom, it’s done. Sure, some guys spend all day there, but that is what we call a sexual disorder. It’s kind of like eating a candy bar when you skip a meal, or ice cream when you should eat lunch. Maybe it isn’t healthy, but it damn sure feels good.

I understand the objections and to an extent I agree with them. Porn can cause a guy to abandon his wedding bed. It is easy to allow it to drain away sexual energy that might otherwise be spent with your lover, so I think moderation is the key. 

I have a rule, I only allow myself to view porn no more than (and often times less) two days a week, and for no more than 30 minutes. I’ve found that works for me to keep my sexual appetite healthy for my wife. It’s just enough to get my blood up and keep me in a sexual state of mind for my wife as well. Some guys might be able to do more and still hunger for their wife, while others should do much less or not at all. If a guy isn’t having sex with his wife as much as she wants to, then something is wrong. My opinion.

Ladies, it is a release, it is just something that feels good and makes us feel alive. It is NO reflection on you whatsoever. It is visual fantasy material for men. Porn is just window-shopping for men, we aren’t buying and we damn sure aren’t doing any trades.

One last thing, how many of you gals have an orgasm with your husband every time without any mind-play? I mean, no visualizing another guy, another scenario, NO visualization at all? How many of you—who have been married for more than five years—never visualize when you have sex with your husband? Be honest. The stats are that most women (married more than five years) DO. Now, how do you think we would feel if we knew that you were thinking of someone else when you were having sex with us? Well…I know and it doesn’t bother me. Do I have a choice? Does that mean that you don’t love having sex with your husband? No. It's just variety, variation, the spice of life. 

From MidnightBones
Porn, soft, hard - I think it adds to the intimate act of being with your lover. As long as both of you are into it and don't feel threatened or feel like porn is "needed" - then I don't think there is anything wrong with it at anytime. I enjoy porn, both alone and with my lover. I wouldn't be upset to come home from a long day at work to find my lover masturbating to a porn flick.

For some, it would be extremely painful or offensive. To me, it is another form of intimacy and sometimes, therapy - to want to love one's own body and use visual or audio aides. I would only hope to be included when the time is most appropriate. Pop it in, and warm up with or without audio; preferably with audio and then by adding to it, when the moments are just right!

From Anonymous
My boyfriend is addicted to porn. He doesn't care if I find it disgusting or not, he will just keep right on playing with himself in front of me. He, too , will go on about what he wants to do to me later on. And he is having trouble getting hard. If it gets up it doesn't stay long. (while I am sitting there thinking you dummy I am right here and you would rather look at pictures?)

 He is so gross about sex. He will just ask for blow job or beg me to let him eat my pussy. To me is disgusting. He watches porn, gets hot and bothered and then wants to fuck me? I think he would probably fuck the cow out back. Porn is gross and hurts a relationship really badly. I am to the point now I don't care if he ever touches me again

From Anonymous
I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now, and a little over a year ago he started getting into porn and magazines, and it just progressed from there. He became a member to several sex sites, as well as a member to a site to find Escorts, and gone as far as purchasing expensive Sex Medications. 

When confronted about the movies and magazines, of course he denied they belonging to him. They were a friend's that he was hiding for him from his wife. I believed him, until I soon came across more, and then found out about the sex meds., and when I asked him if he has bought any medications, I was told no. 

He has called several women for phone sex, to meet for sex, and even e-mailed women....all the while denying that he was in a relationship. He had never done this to me, until he started watching porn and viewing magazines. I believe that if you are hiding them so your partner doesn't know that you have them, or you deny any of it, that you are in fact cheating! And until your partner can be honest, and open, there is no hope of saving your relationship.

I do not trust him anymore, because of all of his lies and deceit. He has truly hurt me and my self-esteem, and made my opinion of him very low. I have never felt so used, and abused, neglected and ashamed in all my life. Porn, when not shared or at least honest about, is a Relationship Wrecker.

From Calculus
Let's get this straight. Men are turned on by visual stimulation than women. Men like porn more than women. This will not change. It will be like suppressing a basic need, like hunger. This does not mean he is cheating on her, since the man is just enjoying a fantasy. The fact that women cannot fantasize by looking at porn and using sex-toys can barely be called the man's problem; she is also at liberty to look into porn & enjoy sex-toys herself. 

Problems are created when men are overdoing it, neglecting duties to their partners. And further, women's popular argument "Am I not enough for him?"; I think that is really narrow-minded. Men are wired in the brain differently than women in a way that will make them quite enjoy porn. Really. There is nothing wrong with it and there is nothing preventing women from taking the same attitude towards fantasizing sex.

I read somewhere in this forum that some women have resorted to actually cheating on their partners (with other men) in revenge of their men looking at porn. Hey, that's what I would call cheating and not men just looking at porn. How can you even to compare the two? What's more "serious"? Enjoying porn or adultery?

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