Harnesses & Dildos...Oh My!

Pegging your partner

My girlfriend and I just got a strap-on harness and dildo, and yes, she uses it on me (I'm a guy). I don't have any desire to be with a man, trust me I've worked this through, but that's not precisely what I'm commenting on. We bought a really good strap-on and though we don't use it every night we do take it out for special occasions - when extra-kink is what the doctor orders.

I'm wondering are there other couples out there who like using strap-ons and dildos? I'd like to hear other perspectives on this and any advice other's might have: Like what's the thrill for them, does dildo size matter? And what contexts, or roll-plays might others be into? Thanks ... and God bless the ERWA folks for providing this forum!  —Festus

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From D. L. King
I'm quite a fan of anal sex, both giving and receiving. Here are a few tips for those looking for ways to make it work well for them: First, and I can't stress this enough, use LOTS of lube.  Lube is your friend.  If you think you have enough lube both inside your partner and on your cock, use some more.  I'm just saying.

Second, Because a silicone, glass, metal or plastic cock doesn't have any nerve endings, you can't feel it if your hitting the right spot or the wrong spot.  You have to rely on communication with your partner to know how he or she is feeling.  Actually, I think the best way to know how they're feeling is to be penetrated, yourself.  If you don't know what anal sex feels like, it can be very difficult to understand what your partner's feeling, how slow you need to go, what various movements feel like, etc. 

Third, being able to use a strap on, right out of the box, the first time you try anal sex (and have it be a pleasurable experience he or she wants to revisit) is a fairly unreasonable expectation.  Anal sex takes time and practice.  It takes a lot of exploration with a finger, then fingers (Remember the lube?  Lots of lube?) to make your partner comfortable and able to accept something the size of a cock (yes, even a very small cock) into his or her ass.  You might spend several sessions just using your fingers, or even a butt plug, before you try your strap on. 

Fourth, go slow.  Really.  Go very slowly.  Inch your way inside, making sure your partner is comfortable with each extra bit of length penetrating him or her, until you're all the way in.  Use your hand around the base of your cock while you're guiding it inside, to make sure you have control.  If he says stop, stop.  Let him get acclimated to the girth of the dildo before continuing.  Keep adding lube.  Put a towel under your partner so the lube doesn't drip all over your bed (or floor or kitchen table).  And once your in, balls-deep, wait a beat before starting to move.  Make sure your partner's comfortable.

Fifth, start moving slowly.  Don't try fucking like a machine as soon as you penetrate your partner.  Slowly build up speed.  If you've used enough lube and gone slowly enough and listened and communicated well, once you get to this point, you'll be able to fuck like a champion.  The secret is that it takes time and patience.  If you don't take that time and patience, you might never get the chance to try again.

For really great information about anal sex, check out Tristan Taormino's website: puckerup.com

From Louis Vega
I bought a harness and dildo once before, but my wife did not catch the hint.  I used it on her and she seemed to enjoy it.  Recently she has started playing with my anus and she knows I like it.  She has offered to do it again and would like her to penetrate.  I don't know if she will penetrate, but wonder if we continue to progress if she would try it.  Any ideas how to suggest that she give it a try? 

From Rich
I went on my own and purchased an ultra harness and my wife had no objections about using it. At first I felt like she would get upset when I wanted that instead of regular sex. But she always said she got off doing it. The first one I bought eventually broke. Not the dildo part but the harness part. She had always said that she wished she had one that would go inside her too. So we went and bought a double dildo that fits into a harness that had that feature. She loves it although I still have to ask her to do it or throw hints at her because she has never once done it without that.  The most exciting part of it for me is after I know she is gonna do it. For once though I would like her to just have it on totally without me expecting it. It's definitely not for every man but it is great.

From Sarah
My husband was keen about trying strap-on sex, and so we purchased the equipment and gave it a go. He loved it, me not so much. Now all he wants is anal sex, be it strap-on, butt plugs, even wants a rim-job (no, no and no, I'm not about to lick his asshole). I tried using a double headed dildo, and/or a vibrator, otherwise there's just nothing in it for me. As 'Anonymous' mentioned, "It is a little selfish so be sure to return the favor." [see Anonymous' entry below]

He's obsessed, and yeah he does indulge me in 'other than anal sex', but it's obvious he's not into it and is just going through the motions. Strap-ons? I'm sorry we ever tried it.

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