Meaningless Sex
Would You Indulge Or Avoid?

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From TD
Acting on the belief that sex is meaningless or that sex is just sex just might wreck your life, give you a life crisis you don't want, impact your life in ways you might not want, or just ruin you life.

Sure I have plenty of fantasies and desire, butt I don't believe in engaging in "meaningless sex". I don't want someone else's disease floating around in my body the rest of my life. I'm not a virgin and I not above having fantasies having a little fun.

It's a gift to the woman I plan to marry. She doesn't have to worry about catching any STDs from me. Engaging in meaningless sex is not a character trait I value in myself or anyone else. But if I did the person knows I have slept around. Some STDs are transmittable even with a condom. Using a condom doesn't prevent some STDs from being spread.

From Josie
My husband and I are about to celebrate thirty years of marriage and give or take the odd fling we've both been very faithful to each other. We love each other, we are kind, considerate, even passionate with each other, and both old enough to know that we'd do very little to destabilize our marriage.

Having said that, we have recently started to 'swing' with some other couples, some our age, two couples younger than us, plus two single males. As a result we are now both very active sexually and 'swinging' appears to be a good fit for our current lifestyle - we both own our own businesses and are now in process of selling out to business partners, in preparation for an increase in free time and correcting our work-life balance.

I understand the principle of meaningless sex but I'm not absolutely sure it can be applied universally without any pre-conditions. The two single men we've 'swung' with in MMF scenarios have both asked to see me 'off line' as it were. My husband has given me the 'ok' to see one of them and while I have no intention of letting the relationship with this younger guy grow into anything other than recreational sex for the sake of non-commital pleasure, I have to admit that in making love to both these young men, both reasonably good looking, both well endowed, there was the very basis of a spark of being emotionally involved.

In other words, I don't think I can 'fuck for the sake of fucking'. I need to be loved and love back and while I have no doubt that both men wish no emotional involvement with me, I will act during our love-making as if I am a person, not just a pussy to be fucked.

From Susan
For many couples once they survive beyond bringing up their children, reaching mid-age with good looks and attractive bodies, they also get less exercised about intense fidelity within a relationship. I don't necessarily mean illicit affairs, although they are a big part of relationships, marriages often surviving them. Many opt to swing with other couples or, often at the wife's behest, engage in MMF activities with a younger man. 

Whatever it is, the point is that mid-age couples should not abandon sex, or opt for infrequent sex, but actively engage with others in enjoying recreational sex that is for fun not scoring points. It keeps you young in heart and mind, active, appreciating life. My husband and I are as much in love today as on our wedding day but every weekend we 'swing' with other couples and our active extra-marital sex is meaningless in that it doesn't threaten our marriage but meaningful in that it actively helps keep it sharp, fun and challenging.

From Vincent
We live in the UK where wearing of seamed stockings is more popular than most other countries but still not that common thanks to tights. My wife (47) has started to wear stockings with seams almost every day following my giving her half a dozen pairs and some sexy undies for Christmas, mainly as a 'thank you' for coming down in weight from 14 to 12 stones and still falling. 

My wife works as a senior manager in HR for a large insurance company and before the stockings was un-noticed but since has had every guy queuing up to date her plus requests for photographic modelling. She's said 'no' to those requests but has dated a few of the men and I admit to enjoying my wife telling me much later what she and her date got up to. Now, a senior manager has taken interest in my wife and we both suspect that she could be in line for promotion which is important to her since she was passed over last summer. I've told her that if two or three meaningless sex sessions with this man produce her promotion then she should go for it. 

She's more wary but for other reasons, not the sex since she enjoys it a lot, but more ethical ones, worried about the gossip, if it ever got out. It's up to her but as the sex between her and this guy is agenda-driven, his and hers, I can't see the problem. It's not love, it's totally meaningless emotionally!

From Chick
This comment is to the anonymous person who posted the comment, "am I doomed to have just sex forever?" Honey, you're not, but there are a few things you have to do to solve this problem.

First, you have to build a foundation as friends with a person. This should be before there is any sexual desire, your goal is friendship.

Second, after a few months, yes, a few months. you should have a good foundation, know your friend's background, dating history, is this person relationship material, or is this person a player. You do not want a player.

Third, if this person is worthy of your attention beyond friendship, which means they have to be a good person, whose respectable and truthful, the whole package, then you can causally suggest a date or innocently flirt with the person in anticipation for a date. This does not mean sex. This is a date. It is part of the solid foundation you are trying to build if this person is worth your precious time, or else, discard this person.

After many dates and this person left in anticipation you should establish an official relationship, but make sure this person is forced to wait for you. Your special and if this person really cares about you, they'll happily wait as long as you want them to. (I was with my boyfriend who I love for just over a year before we committed to having sex, and he was fine with it because to my shock, during our establishing of a foundation, he fell madly in love with me and today we couldn't be happier, but I would never suggest waiting that long, maybe a month to three months).

The fact is, if you want love, this is the most sure fire way to find a long lasting relationship. Why? Because you are getting to know this person and over the course of friendship you discover all those things that either make that person perfectly irresistible or disappointingly not good enough. But, as long as you commit to a good relationship before jumping into bed with someone, I guarantee it won't be just sex, it will be a union for the two of you.

From Anonymous
I have never been in love and I have slept with three people and had naked fun time with about six. I have been in one relationship. This does not add up. I will be the first to admit that it is fun to just have no-strings-attached-feel-good-fun as long as you are protecting yourself physically and emotionally. 

The problem is that I have protected myself a little too much and I feel nothing. I now feel I am incapable of having a relationship or finding love. Am doomed to have "just sex" forever?

From Anonymous
No sex is meaningless. Hey, I find intense, skin-rubbing, back-arching, tummy-slapping pleasure to be quite meaningful! No, I don't believe all sex must go along with deep emotional commitment. Some of the best sex I've had has been totally primal and without strings.

From Shaman
Sex, as with a kiss, may say/mean many different things. It depends on how much you open of yourself and share with the kiss/sex. If you do this for yourself, needing to touch base with certain feelings within you, then do it for what it means to you - it it not to be construed as making love. Do not do it out of pity for the other, unless you feel good about being the Mother Theresa of sexual feelings. The experience may be one you have not had before, and you may need to relate on that level. It is probably more about experiencing yourself than about experiencing the other.

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