The Global Village
Is it Possible to Find True Love in Cyber-Space?

Is it possible to find true love in cyber space? Perhaps...

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From Hoplessly Lost
I definitely believe that people can find love on the internet. I didn't think I did, until about a month ago. I met a wonderful man and the moment we met I knew there was something between us. I think that people get to know each other better this way. I know everything about him and his family. I Love him very much only thing is I'm married, My husband knows how I feel about him in fact they talk. I love my husband as well and nothing and I mean nothing will ever come between us, My Cyber lover knows this and it is hard but if it is all we can have we will take it, rather than live without each other in our lives. It is very stressful but every minute I get to spend with him is worth any amount of stress I could ever endure. our fate is so twisted.

So in conclusion I feel it is very possible for 2 people 2 meet online and fall in-love. Thanks for the great reads Love the site. and I love you baby.

From Ms M'Ville
Well, it was possible for my soon-to-be ex. For me, it has not been going so well.

My husband and I had separated 7 years ago after 12 years of marriage (to my complete and total surprise, he came in the bedroom one night and told me he was leaving). We were separated a whole 2 weeks when I convinced him to come home. After he came home, I found out he was just on his way to go meet a girl several states away he met on ICQ. Also after he came home, women from ICQ kept writing him. He answered these women by telling them he came back home for the sake of his children, which was news to me.

We were together another 6 years when I found him writing chummy e-mails to women he had met either at work or from his hobby, scuba diving. It wasn't so much that he wrote these women, but that at the same time, he was totally emotionally disconnected from me. I'd be in bed waiting for him to come and be with me, but he preferred to stay up writing these women rather than participating in our marriage.

I asked him to leave. That was about 15 months ago, and our divorce is going to come through any day now.

I spent those 15 months getting over the divorce. It was an emotional necessity. Recently, I felt I was ready to begin dating. I live in a small rural community in MO, so I went on match.com.

A lot of guys wrote me at first. I couldn't keep up with the e-mails I was getting. BUT, I didn't have a photo on my profile. All the guys wanted to see what I looked like. I put a photo up and never heard from any of the guys I had been corresponding with.

Honestly, I am not Quasimodo! I have shoulder-length red hair, beautiful dark brown eyes, and, my best feature is (naturally) really full lips (it was a head shot). I was wearing a little makeup and a camisole with a shrunken silk sweater over it. I am a little overweight, but not grotesquely so.

I never heard from another guy again, even though I have contacted dozens (I made the first move) who described they were looking for someone like me (physically, age-wise, and personality-wise). They don't even have the courtesy to push a button and say they are not interested in me.

I think these guys—no matter what they say and no matter what they look like (and honestly, what a guy looks like doesn't make a whit of difference to me) want a perfect 10. I am not a perfect 10. Makes me feel like I will be alone the rest of my life.

From Sister Midnight
I have to throw in my skeptical two pence here. :)

I have never actually felt the motivation to have cybersex, I don't see the point in it - sex, to me, involves actual physical contact. However, I have many on-line acquaintances with whom I communicate via e-mail, in IRC chatrooms and on various mailing lists.

Now, the one thing that's important to me in both sexual relationships as well as friendships is honesty. I don't care if my lover has sex with other women (and he does), as long as he honestly tells me about it. I then just say, "how wonderful, did you enjoy yourself? Well, good."

And that's the problem I have with people on-line. You never know who you're really talking to on the Internet. They could be lying to you about their gender, sexual orientation, likes and dislikes, personal philosophies and beliefs, and everything else. You have to take their word for it, and trust them to tell you the truth of who they are IRL.

And quite frankly, why should I trust some complete stranger halfway across the world to tell me the truth about him- or herself?

It's not that I care much whether they say who they are (what's it to me, after all? I have my own life here, and my own friends and lover), I'm just saying that I do not get emotionally involved with people I meet on-line. I simply enjoy having conversations and debates with them, purely on an intellectual basis.

So if you combine my views on cybersex and on emotional involvement with people on the Internet, you can probably imagine that I don't believe in 'cyber love'. The whole concept of "falling in love" with somebody you don't even know, or have never met, seems entirely ludicrous to me.

From Anonymous
Yes, you can fall in love over the internet. and yes, unfortunately, it does happen to people who are not in the same country! Strange things can happen when you get to know someone this way. I agree with those who have commented that, if you are being honest, you get to know people BETTER via the internet, because you HAVE to talk a lot, and it's easier to be open when you are not face to face. The drawback is that you can fall in love with someone that it is difficult to actually HAVE, and that can be painful and frustrating. I have fallen victim myself. I met someone on the internet almost a year ago now. I met her in January of 2000. By May, I was madly in love. In June, I left my husband. Yes, I said "her" and yes, I said "Husband". She is 15 years younger than me. And she is Canadian and i am American. I could not possibly have imagined a more difficult situation.

And i suppose it will eventually have to end, because what the others have said is true...VISAs are hard to get. With this new "global" world, we really need to take a new look at our immigration laws. It is especially difficult for me. If she were a "HE" I could marry and that would satisfy immigration. But we are both women, and therefore have no rights whatsoever. I must clarify, that i did not leave my husband "for her"...but more like I read one other participant to say...falling in love with her made me face once and for all how empty my marriage had become. I will comment that i had been married for 14 years.

My divorce was final TODAY. I have a ticket to fly to Canada in 15 days to meet my girl for the first time. I cannot wait to look into her eyes and touch her face. I am testimony. YES...you can fall in love with the most unlikely mate on the internet. And there are no ruses here. She IS who she says, and I am who i say. I told everyone the truth when i left my husband. Some shirked away, some did not. Most are not as alarmed by my change in gender choice as they are concerned with the age difference. But i think you have to take individuals for what they are. Some never grow up, no matter how old they get. And some are born old.

She is my soulmate. i have never felt this way about anyone before. I am madly, deeply, devotedly in love with her. Her parents hate me, of course. I can't say i blame them...i'm 5 years younger than them. wince. But it is a remarkable thing that has happened. We are so far apart, but i can feel her. It sounds so hokey...i know. But it's true. We have been experiencing the most incredible love affair. And we've had disagreements, we've cursed and fought sometimes about things...we apologize and make up. We teach one another things. Even though i'm so much older than her...she teaches me things. And she reminds me to be young. We have much in common. i've influenced her in many ways...encouraging her to expand her reading material, her mind.

The internet has allowed us to pursue a range of topics and to expand our lives. And find one another. I may suffer total heartbreak over this one eventually...not because of age, but because of Nationality. She would have already moved in with me, if she were not a citizen of another country. But i cannot just walk away from my soulmate. How can anyone? I have never been more loved and understood. And no...it is not some lesbian affair, wallowing in emotionalism and poetry and romanticism like i've seen some accuse lesbianism. I've read essays that suggest that women with women tends to disregard passion and drowned in emotionalism. I submit that women LINK sex and emotion...but that doesn't mean they are not concerned with sex. She and i have a very passionate relationship...unfortunately limited to the phone and writing. Which is how i came to fall into this website. My new interst in Erotica. We've both become very adept at writing wonderful stories and fantasies. We write FOR one another. They are like presents...treats we send one another. Sometimes, we write them back and forth...each adding to the other's. And it's tender, sexy, loving, playful, and sometimes downright tawdry. She's very passionate, and so am i. And when i get to Canada for New Year's...we are going to melt the ice up there! I have never wanted to make love to anyone so badly in my entire life.

SO...YES. You can fall in love over the internet. Is this "global world" good? I think it increases your opportunity to meet a soulmate. What is not good...is our extremely repressive immigration laws. Why is it that i cannot be with my great love, because someone has drawn an invisible line across the continent that says "this is ours, and that is yours"?

From Jenna
It is not only possible to find love through internet interaction, I contend that it is likely. Love at first sight aside, most people truly fall in love with another person when they take the time to really get to know that person. And what better way to really get to know someone than to deeply communicate through the written word for prolonged periods of time without the physical aspects of a relationship to cloud judgment? Don't get me wrong; I'm not suggesting that what a person  looks like isn't important. I appreciate a good-looking guy as much as the next hot-blooded, lusty girl. But looks are subjective; I can think a guy is good-looking and the rest of the world may think he'd be better off with a bag over his head. I think physical attractiveness increases as the attraction in other areas increase (i.e. mental, spiritual, emotional, etc.) And for those who would pose the question, "What about sex? and how you relate to each other physically?"

I have this to say: As with ALL relationships, sex is best when there is communication and a nurturing environment. Sex is first and foremost a matter of the mind, and then it's a matter for the bed. Personally, I'd rather get to know a  man's mind on the subject BEFORE hopping into bed with him. Having said all that, I can personally vouch for the likelihood of internet love. I fell in love with a guy I met in a chatroom. We met one summer and spent just over a year really getting to know each other through icq and hundreds of letters we wrote back and forth. We talked about anything and everything:  what we had in common, our differences, our likes and dislikes, religion, convictions about life, law, origins of the species, and everything in between. I truly fell in love with him; first his mind, then everything else. And he fell in love with me. Too bad I wasn't completely honest with him about who I was.

To make a long story short, I lied to him. (Who HASN'T pretended to be someone they're not in chatroom encounters?  Role playing is fun.) But everything I told him about me was true with the exception that it all had taken place 10 years before. I am 33 now, but am regularly told that I look 10 years younger than I am. So, I pretended to be ME 10 years ago. Everything I shared with him was from my life back then. (With very few exceptions.) It was fun and exciting to  revisit my past and to embellish things a bit, just to live out fantasies about how I would have liked my life to have been different 10 years ago.

Several times along the way, I came very close to confessing the truth to him. I liked  him so much that I felt he deserved better than what I was giving him. But I just couldn't do it. His disappointment would have been too great for me to handle. So I continued in the ruse. Everything would have been fine IF we hadn't fallen in love. This was a particularly sticky situation as I have been  married for 10 years now. I love my husband dearly and had no intention of leaving him for anyone else...including Mr. Internet. But I was wholly compelled to not only meet my internet love, but to consummate our relationship. This was a tricky thing because we lived on opposite sides of the U.S. (We still do.) However, where there's a will, there's a way. My husband and I took a trip to the East Coast. I stayed an extra 5 days while he went back home to continue working. It was during this additional stay that I met Mr. Internet...and we did, indeed, consummate our relationship. He never suspected that I wasn't who I said I was...never suspected I wasn't 22. And the time we had together was very special.

But I was sooo stupid for acting on my feelings. Aside from  the guilt I've experienced (infidelity and lying, to name  but two reasons), I now have the daunting task of somehow getting out of this relationship (the internet one) without really hurting this guy. I can't be with him: he believes me to be someone I'm not. The truth would crush him. AND there's the little detail that I'm married.

Now that I've left the confessional, let me hop up on my soapbox for a minute, if I may. Internet love is a very tricky proposition. People tell you what they want you to believe about themselves, and you can never be sure that it's the entire truth until you meet the person and spend time with him/her. As in my case, even meeting the person doesn't guarantee true enlightenment with regard to the other person. I only want to say be careful! Guard your hearts by using your heads. It's easy to fall in love through internet interaction because you're really getting to know someone: their thoughts, feelings, convictions, etc. And that's the person we truly fall in  love with; not just the physical person. But be wary of someone who seems "too perfect." Chances are if someone seems too perfect to be true, then he/she IS too perfect to be TRUE. If love is your objective, I say you'll experience fewer complications if you stick to those within your own village, rather than the global village.

From Joan
Perhaps it is greener. Certainly the *illusion* that it is leads to a better mixing of the gene pool. When I got married the first time around, I chose a guy who had grown up in a different part of the country (okay, just the state next door to mine). Looking back on it now, one of my motivations for marrying this poor character was to get out of the area where I'd grown up, and to get out from under my parents. I divorced him many years later (if I'd stayed married, we would have celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary this year - I shudder to think what *that* would have been like!)

However, one of my favorite newspaper amusements is to read the wedding announcements, especially the part where they talk about the couple's backgrounds. Often you can tell where they met from these little tidbits of information. For those of you who think we must travel far and wide to find true love, you'd be amazed at how many folks marry someone who went to the same school, grew up in the same town, or the town next door. I don't know how that goes in other parts of the world, but around here, in Pennsylvania, it happens quite a bit. Could be an interesting study, to read the wedding announcements with this in mind!

From Anonymous
I was skeptical, especially being on AOL where it is quite predatory. Out of amusement, I place a *discreet* ad on a philanderer site, not expecting too much, just maybe some commiseration. What I found was the love of my life, living less than a half hour away. Was this fate? You bet your booty it was. I thank God every day for him finding me. We are best friends and complement each other perfectly.

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