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Inside the Erotic Mind

This Month's Hot Topic

Remember Your Best Orgasm?
Tell us about it

On-Going Forums


Blasphemous Fantasies
Why are they so titillating?

Could You, Would You?
3 fantasies to try on

Forced Fantasies
Right or wrong?

Men's Fantasies
Men dare to reveal

Women's Fantasies
Women dare to share

Your Fantasy 3some


Masturbation Memories
First experiences

Taking Care of Business
On the sly...or so you think

Oral Pleasures

Oral Sex for Her
Talk with your tongue

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How to blow his mind

Swallow or Spit
What's a person to do?

The Taste of Cum
Yummy or icky?

Orgasmic Pleasures

Cum Shots
Cupid's liquid darts

Describe Your Orgasm
How Does it Feel? Don't be Shy...

Faking It
Why the deception?

Harnesses & Dildos...Oh My!
Pegging your partner

Oral Sex or Intercourse?
What is your preference

Keeping Abreast..

Breasts & Nipples
Do they drive you wild?

Erotic Lactation
Your thoughts?

Male Nipple Play
Men, are you into it?

Relationship Woes

Browsing for Cupid
Online love or heartache?

Why Do People Cheat?
Is the grass really greener?

Younger/Older Relationships
It's complicated...or is it?

Inquiring Minds

Women: During The Act
What do you think about?

Men: During The Act
What do you think about?

What do Women Want's not size

What do Men Want rhymes with 'vex'


Does pain for pleasure dominate your fantasies?

For a look into pleasurable pain...

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From Anonymous Fem
I don't want a BDSM lifestyle, I want a loveing, kind, gentle man (or woman, hey, I'm not particular) who will cherish me come hell or high water....and who is not shy about landing a spanking or tie-up and kinky sexual torment me every now and then.

From Jose
Now and then I really enjoy getting my kink on. It can be hardcore BDSM, a mild kinky play game, or something that caught my fancy and I want to give it a go. It's hard to find a girlfriend who enjoys, or is willing to try, new and different sexual scenes. But I'm an optimist, and will continue searching and searching and searching...someone hear my plea!

From Anonymous
Never done any actual BDSM, but I am hugely turned on by the idea, and often use it as a fantasy during sex or masturbation. I am not into pain or humiliating domination at all, but the thought of being helpless and completely exposed to my lover is highly arousing. I tend to do what I consider "pretend" bondage, holding my arms up or out, lying spread, opening myself and relaxing completely, imagining myself completely at his mercy, and the orgasms are simply mind-bending.

From JCR
My reaction to BDSM is a lot like my reaction to French liqueurs: sometimes mind-blowingly gorgeous, sometimes distinctly queasy, often an interesting mix of the two. Power-play in itself, as a general rule, doesn't do much for me. (I'm excepting, obviously, the playful spanking and sensuous soft-bondage that every good lover should have in their repertoire.)  And I find it positively hard to deal with the sight of a human body being in some way distorted, as in some forms of rope-bondage for example.  But the fact is, restraint is sexy; and I love the theatricality, the ritual and the straight-out decadent flamboyance of some BDSM porn, which you just don't see elsewhere. 

Incidentally, a few people have spoken about the importance of "equality" in a relationship, and I totally agree.  (It's one of the added bonuses of being a lesbian, that you don't necessarily have that pre-packaged baggage, but that's a whole other story.)  Sometimes I've been with people who use admittedly light, almost vanilla BDSM to actively pursue that: for example, it's rather liberating knowing that a lover who's several rungs further up the academic hierarchy than me is perfectly welcome to dominate me in meetings, provided she's aware of finding her ass over my knee once the working day is over....

From Lisabet Sarai
BDSM does not necessarily involve pain. I'm rather surprised (and dismayed) to read some of the other responses suggesting this. The fundamental principle of BDSM is power exchange - the submissive voluntarily renouncing his or her will and control for some period of time, and the dominant accepting that power and the attendant responsibility. Some practitioners never include pain in their scenes at all.

That being said, some people (myself included) do find certain kinds of pain arousing, but (in my case at least) only in the context of this surrender and connection. People who aren't turned on by BDSM find it difficult to understand the attraction and I'll tell you the truth - even when you're in the midst of a scene you find yourself asking yourself whether you're crazy! Are you really eager to be spanked, whipped, pinched, or whatever? If you're like me, and you look deep inside yourself, you realize that the honest answer is yes.

In any case, BDSM has nothing to do with abuse. It can be cathartic, empowering, and lead to a deeper, more loving relationship. I speak from personal experience.

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