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'09 Authors Insider Tips

Everything About Epublishing
by Angela James
Digital Publishing & Print
Common Myths of Epublishing
Ebook Formats and Devices

by Louisa Burton
Compelling Characters
Point of View, Part I
Point of View, Part II
Learning to Love Conflict
Story Structure
Keep ‘em Guessing
Keep it Simple
Keep Your Writing Real
The Importance of Pacing

Literary Streetwalker
by M. Christian
New World of Publishing
To Blog Or Not To Blog
Meeting & Making Friends
Thinking Beyond Sex
Selling Books
Walking the Line
e-book, e-publisher, e-fun
Still More E-book Fun

Shameless Self-Promotion
by Donna George Storey
Our Journey Begins
Pitches and Bios
Websites, Blogs & Readers
Publicists, Press Kits and...
Viva the Internet
Adventures in Cyberspace
Promoting In the Flesh
Make Your Own Movie
Bigger is Better
Looking Back, Planning Ahead

Two Girls Kissing
by Amie M. Evans
Questions to Ask Yourself...
Tough All Over

The Write Stuff
by Ashley Lister
Practice Makes Prefect
5 Books for Fiction Authors
Poetry In Motions
Six Serving Men
Ashley Lister is Anal
Stealing Ideas
Celebrating Poetry

2009 Smutters Lounge

Ashley Lister Submits
by Ashley Lister

Cooking Up A Storey
by Donna George Storey
A Year of Living Shamelessly
Adultery, Exhibitionism ...
John Updike Made Me Do It ...
Story Soup: Forbidden ...
Lessons from Amazon
Naked Lunches ...
Erotic Alchemy
Secrets of Seduction
Are You a “Real” Writer?
Don’t Fondle My Sentence

Cracking Foxy
with Robert Buckley
The Passionate Taphophile
Havens on Earth
A Knight Without Armor
Magic Carpet Rides
Getting Hammered
Keep It Quiet
Hang Around for a Spell

Get All Worked Up
with J.T. Benjamin
Worked Up About Why
Worked Up About Why, Part II
All Worked Up About Porn
The Catholic Church
Purity Movement
The National Crisis
The Future
About Homosexuality
Public Indiscretions

Pondering Porn
with Ann Regentin
Premature Ejaculation
Auctioning Off What?

Sex Is All Metaphors
by Jean Roberta
Who's Who Around the Table
Ritual Sex
Mixed Legacy
The Spectrum of Consent
Drawing the Line
Marriage without the Hype
The Distracting Smirk
Innocent Guns
Gardens of Earthly Delights

Provocative Interviews

Between the Lines
with Ashley Lister
Anneke Jacob
D L King
Kristina Lloyd
Lisabet Sarai
Mitzi Szereto
Portia Da Costa
Shanna Germain
Sommer Marsden
Susan DiPlacido

Guest Appearances

Marketing a Self-Published Novel
by Jeanne Ainslie

The Write Stuff

by Ashley Lister

Celebrating Poetry


Last month, in the UK, we celebrated National Poetry week.  I have to admit I'm a big lover of poetry.  I teach poetry, I write poetry and I read poetry.  Aside from eating the damned stuff I don't think there's much else you can do with it.  As part of our town's national poetry week celebrations, I was invited to read some of my compositions over two days at two separate events.

It was a genuine honour. 

I belong to a group of serious minded poets who had been working together to produce pieces that were heavily influenced by classic poets.  This meant that one of the first readings was a response to Carroll's 'Jabberwocky,' a contemporary fairytale of chemically induced surrealism.  Another was a dark and haunting piece written in response to Sylvia Plath's 'The Bell Jar.'  Personally, I was heavily influenced by Edgar Allan Poe and his enchanting 'Annabel Lee.' 

This was what I came up with:

Annabel Lee visits Blackpool

It was many and many a year ago,
In a kingdom by the sea
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of Annabel Lee
And she worked by the tower, for three quid an hour
Near that bingo that sells the cheap tea.

I’d just left school and she’d just left school
In this kingdom by the sea
This was back in an age, before minimum wage
I and my Annabel Lee
When three quid an hour, wasn’t bad by the tower
In this kingdom by the sea

We worked day-long shifts, selling rock and crap gifts
I and my Annabel Lee
We worked all summer-through, flogging plastic dog-poo
To those visiting by the sea.
And we loved with a love that was more than a love
I and my Annabel Lee
With a love that the managers’ watching above
Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago
In this kingdom by the sea
That the bosses, those tossers, who wielded the power
Came down from their seats in their ivory tower
Decrying and lying, defying belief
Blaming her, claiming that she was a thief
And sacking my Annabel Lee
Cruelly firing – no chance of rehiring –
My beautiful Annabel Lee.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those bosses that tore us apart
Yes, she’d taken some stock, Twenty gross of cheap rock
But she also had stolen my heart
And some cuddly toys, And kids hats for small boys
But she also had stolen my heart
And a case of key rings, And some other cheap things
But she also had stolen my heart

Now the moon never beams, without bringing me dreams
Of my beautiful Annabel Lee.
She works on a car boot, selling dodgy nicked loot
From this kingdom by the sea
And the managers watching, covetously above
Can never dissever my soul from the love
Of my beautiful Annabel Lee
And, cos I keep supplying, the stuff that she’s buying
In this kingdom by the sea.
Our love is uplifting, because I keep shoplifting
For my beautiful Annabel Lee.

As writers, we seldom get the chance to read our material direct to an audience.  It's a shame, really, because the English language has a heritage of being spoken rather than written and stories are supposed to be told rather than read.  Remember the excitement of having a parent read bedtime stories?  Or the pleasure of hearing someone special recite a few favourite lines of love poetry meant just for you?  To me, those moments are a reminder of how words are meant to slip from someone's lips direct to the ear – without print and page coming between them. 

I know it's exciting to see words in print, and books on shelves, and royalties on cheques, but there are times when we forget that one of the reasons so many of us write is because we want to excite an audience with our words.  Reading to a crowd of enthusiasts, watching them smile in appreciation and silently coax you to continue, is probably one of the most rewarding forms of feedback this side of cold hard cash because it gives  immediate feedback. 

Of course, my idea of poetry seldom stretches much further than the words 'light verse.'  In response to TS Elliot's Macavity, I started off by reading Elliot's opening verse, and then followed the narrative in my own vulgar and risqué fashion.  I've never been a big fan of Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats and I happily took the chance to be mean with Elliot's creations.

This is what I did to Macavity.  Please keep in mind that the opening verse is wholly Elliot's.  The rest is my response.

Macavity – The Mystery Cat
T S Eliot

Macavity’s a mystery cat: he’s called the Hidden Paw –
For he’s the master criminal who can defy the Law
He’s the bafflement of Scotland Yard, the Flying Squad’s despair:
For when they reach the scene of crime – Macavity’s not there.


Addendum to Macavity

Macavity, Macavity, the master of depravity
He’s sired a million kittens and filled every tabby’s cavity
He prowls the streets from midnight, and he howls the streets ‘til dawn
And when the daylight breaks you’ll find him crapping on the lawn.

Macavity the carnal cat, who eats and sleeps and ruts
From the moment that he wakes you’ll see him licking at his nuts
He doesn’t chase the mice or rats, he’s isn’t quite that fussy
Instead he spends his waking hours trying find a female pussy.

Macavity the recuperating cat – the much beloved pet
The cat who’s making progress since returning from the vet
Macavity the neutered cat, recovering in the chair
Who goes to lick his nuts and finds his nuts no longer there.

Macavity, Macavity, I’ve cut short your depravity
To get your tackle working now, would defy the laws of gravity
Macavity – castrated cat: living quiet by the sea
I know just how you feel, cos my wife’s done that to me.

Ashley Lister
November 2009

If you have comments or questions about this column, please send them to Ashley Lister

Find more of Ashley's Write Stuff in ERWA 2009 Archive.

"The Write Stuff" © 2009 Ashley Lister. All rights reserved.

About the Author:  Ashley Lister is a UK author responsible for more than two-dozen erotic novels written under a variety of pseudonyms. His most recent work, Swingers: True Confessions from Today's Modern Swinging Scene (Virgin Books), a non-fiction book recounting the exploits of UK swingers, is his first title published under his own name.
Ashley’s non-fiction has appeared in a variety of magazines, including Forum, Chapter & Verse and The International Journal of Erotica.  Nexus, Chimera and Silver Moon have published his full-length fiction, with shorter stories appearing in anthologies edited by Maxim Jakubowski, Rachel Kramer Bussel and Mitzi Szereto.  He is very proud to be a regular contributor to ERWA.
Email:  Ashley Lister

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'09 Movie Reviews

Blame It On Savanna
Review by Byrdman

Cry Wolf
Review by Spooky

Review by Spooky

Heaven or Hell
Review by Oranje

House of Wicked
Review by Diesel

The Office: An XXX Parody
Review by Spooky

This Ain't The Partridge Family
Review by Spooky

'09 Book Reviews


A Slip of the Lip (ebook)
Review by Jean Roberta

Best Women's Erotica '09
Review by Lisabet Sarai

Bottoms Up
Review by Ashley Lister

Enchanted Again
Review by Victoria Blisse

Review by Kathleen Bradean

Girls on Top
Review by Ashley Lister

In Sleeping Beauty’s Bed
Review by Ashley Lister

Libidacoria (Poetry)
Review by Ashley Lister

Licks & Promises
Review by Ashley Lister

Like a Thorn (ebook)
Review by Lisabet Sarai

The Mile High Club
Review by Ashley Lister

Nexus Confessions: Vol 5
Review by Victoria Blisse

Nexus Confessions 6
Review by Victoria Blisse

Oysters & Chocolate
Review by Kristina Wright

Playing with Fire
Review by Ashley Lister

Sexy Little Numbers Vol 1
Review by Ashley Lister

Up for Grabs
Review by Lisabet Sarai


A 21st Century Courtesan
Review by Donna G. Storey

The Ages of Lulu
Review by Lisabet Sarai

Amanda’s Young Men
Review by Kristina Wright

As She's Told
Review by Ashley Lister

Bedding Down
Review by Victoria Blisse

Review by Ashley Lister

Brushes & Painted Dolls
Review by Lisabet Sarai

Cassandras Chateau
Review by Ashley Lister

The Edge of Impropriety
Review by Kristina Wright

Review by Kathleen Bradean

Free Pass
Review by Ashley Lister

The Gift of Shame
Review by Victoria Blisse

Kiss It Better
Review by Ashley Lister

The Melinoe Project
Review by Lisabet Sarai

Mortal Engines & The ...
Review by Ashley Lister

The New Rakes
Review by Ashley Lister

Ninety Days of Genevieve
Review by Victoria Blisse

Obsession: An Erotic Tale
Review by Kristina Wright

Sarah's Education
Review by Ashley Lister

Seduce Me
Review by Lisabet Sarai

Lesbian Erotica

Lesbian Cowboys
Review by Kathleen Bradean

Night's Kiss
Review by Jean Roberta

Where the Girls Are
Review by Jean Roberta

Gay Erotica

Animal Attraction 2
Review by Kathleen Bradean

Boys in Heat
Review by Vincent Diamond

Review by Lisabet Sarai

The Low Road
Review by Jean Roberta

Personal Demons
Review by Jean Roberta

Ready to Serve
Review by Vincent Diamond

The Secret Tunnel
Review by Kathleen Bradean

Review by Kathleen Bradean

Review by Vincent Diamond


Best Sex Writing '09
Review by Kristina Wright

The Big Penis Book
Review by Rob Hardy

Erotic Encounters
Review by Rob Hardy

The Forbidden Apple
Review by Rob Hardy

Hollywood’s Censor
Review by Rob Hardy

Lady in Red
Review by Rob Hardy

Licentious Gotham: Erotic...
Review by Rob Hardy

Live Nude Elf
Review by Rob Hardy

Live Nude Girl
Review by Rob Hardy

The Other Side of Desire
Review by Rob Hardy

Scripts 4 Play
Review by Ashley Lister