Hard Business: Writing Gay Erotica
with Greg Herren

Who Is Telling This Story?
Point of View

One of the biggest mistakes beginning writers make—within the context of either a short story or a novel—is point of view.

I’m not sure why this is the case. In nine cases out of ten, the reason I reject a story or a manuscript is because of a point of view problem—and even with experienced authors, when I am editing their manuscripts, point of view always seems to rear its ugly head. When I knock back a drink or two with other editors, the most frequent complaint about writers is point of view problems.

In a nutshell, point of view is the perspective of the story; in other words, from whose view are we seeing the action, the characters, and the dialogue. Are you with me so far? No? Okay, let me give you an example. If a story is told in the first person, that character is obviously your point of view character—and unless the character is psychic, you have no idea what the other characters are thinking or feeling. Likewise, even if you are writing the story in the third person, you still have a main character whose internal dialogues, feelings and perspective the reader is privy to. However, the same rule applies; if you are telling the story from this character’s perspective, he/she has no way of knowing what the other characters are feeling, thinking or doing unless they share that information with the character.

Still not sure what I mean? Okay, here’s an example:

Jill ran her fingers through her hair in exasperation. Her feet hurt, she’d had a terrible day at the office, and now this. Why couldn’t Jack understand her in the least? Why didn’t he even try? "Jack, maybe we should just order a pizza. I’m worn out."

Jack shook his head. Didn’t she understand she was the wife, and she was responsible for dinner? That the last thing he wanted to eat when he came home from a long day at the office was pizza? He wanted a meal, the kind his mother used to make for his father. "Jill, I don’t want pizza. I want a home-cooked meal." She was just so selfish.

What an ass he is, Jill thought. "Then cook something."

Lazy bitch! Jack couldn’t believe what he was hearing. "You want me to cook?"

Who in the above incredibly poorly written passage is the point of view character?

The answer is they both are, and hopefully now you can see what I mean. By showing the inner dialogue of both characters, the reader is being cheated of suspense and dramatic tension. Think about it this way. If you are reading a romance novel, part of the tension of the story comes from not knowing what the main character’s romantic interest is thinking or feeling. However, if at the end of every chapter, the point of view shifts from the main character to the romantic interest, and we get inside their head—all the tension in the book is suddenly gone. When I was an editor of lesbian romance novels, I would get manuscripts exactly like that regularly—and the author would fight with me about changing it!

This is how the above section, with the point of view problem corrected, should read:

Or, from his point of view:

While both revisions are still badly written, they are now stronger than the original.

So always be careful with point of view. It can make the difference between staying in the slush pile and getting published.

Greg Herren
February 2007

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"Hard Business: Writing Gay Erotica" © 2007 Greg Herren. All rights reserved.

About the Author: Greg Herren is the senior editor of the Harrington Park Press. He has published five novels, including Mardi Gras Mambo, and the forthcoming Murder in the Rue Chartres (Fall, 2007). He has edited seven anthologies—including the critically acclaimed Love, Bourbon Street: Reflections on New Orleans—and published over fifty short stories. He has been nominated for four Lambda Literary Awards. He lives with his partner, Paul Willis—the organizer of the Saints and Sinners Literary Festival—in New Orleans.

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